


Chasing Rainbows

by loviet



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Insomnia, Roadtrip, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 78,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23124178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loviet/pseuds/loviet
Summary: So, are you up for the chase? I know you and I know how you are. You can never say no to a challenge.Catch me if you can, Daisy.-Mark TuanKang Mira thought he was joking when she found the note taped to her dorm room door the day of her last final.She stared at the map that was attached to the note and decided that Mark Tuan had officially lost his goddamn mind.And that her suspicions were right, he probably was high half the time.But when Jackson Wang, the captain of the varsity swim team and someone Mira wouldn't be caught dead with, shows up at her door in the middle of the night with the exact same note and a compass in his hand, she starts to doubt if Mark's joke was really a joke at all.So she packs a bag and gets into a car with a guy she barely knows, with an ego the size of a continental ocean, to track their friend down to the oasis that he so lavishly bragged about.But after following the hints and clues left for them, they start to question his motives behind the chase.And their own motives behind agreeing to play along.
Relationships: Jackson Wang / OC, Jackson Wang/ Kang Mira
Comments: 21
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

Silence.

The sounds that would've otherwise been deafening are dulled to a muted buzz that rings in the back of the mind, like a faint echo. It was taunting, like a carrot on a stick, dangling in front of the eyes like a siren's song. 

All he could hear was the blood rushing through his ears as he wove down his lane, his arms slicing through the water in sharp, precise motions. His eyes narrowed as he neared the end. This was it. He was almost there. The final push. He gritted his teeth and started to speed up. His legs paddled behind him just fast enough for him to reach out and touch the end of the lane.

His head bursted out from under the water and whipped off his goggles and swim cap to read the score board while wiping water off his face.

_"Jackson Wang comes in first at 9.12 seconds, breaking his former record of 9.14 and qualifying for nationals."_

The spectators erupted in cheers as he punched his fist into the air as he whipped his goggles at the water. His team jumped into the water with him, knocking the lane dividers with their force. They all screamed his name before one of them dived under the water and boosted Jackson onto their shoulders before lifting him up.

"Jackson! Jackson! Jackson!"

He loved hearing them call his name. They were able to take such a common and plain name and make it sound like it actually was worth something. Like it was a name that was worth being chanted.

He felt immortalized.

\-----

John Locke, born 1632, coined the term _Tabula Rasa_ or the blank slate. The concept was founded on the idea that the human mind was born a blank slate and the more that one experiences in life, the more is written on the slate.

Mira threw her pen against her notebook and rested the heels of her palms against her eyes, groaning at the way they burned. She just needed to make it through the next 12 hours and she'd finally be done for the semester.

She straightened her back and rested her hands on her neck before rolling it back slowly, working out the knots that formed from hours of hunching over then desk when her phone chimed with a notification. Rubbing her eyes, she grabbed her phone slid the notification open before her Facebook page opened up.

_'Im Jae invited you to an event.'_

_CELEBRATION PARTY FOR WANG'S NATIONAL QUALIFIERS TONIGHT AT 10!_

Mira scrolled the invite list and stared at the hundreds of people that the invite was sent to, this wasn't just a small house party, this was a full blown bash. She rarely kept up with the university's athletic teams. There were too many of them to keep track of. Every now and then her and one of her friends would watch a game or two but never anything else and never swimming.

She set her phone down before turning back to her notes, she stared at the page for a few minutes before reaching for her phone again. She had locked herself in her friend's apartment, who had finished her finals early and had left to visit her family, for the last week because it was closest to the campus library and she was sure that her brain was about to explode.

She could use a break and what better way to cut loose than with a bunch of kids looking for the same sort of escape from the textbooks as she was?

"Fuck it." She mumbled to herself before slamming her textbook shut and walking to her friend's closet. She glanced at the small bottle of pills next to the bedside table before facing the closet.

She was going to end up pulling an all-nighter anyway, she might as well make the most of the time when everyone else was awake. 

\-----

The music was blasting, the crowd was dancing, and the liquor was flowing as everyone dressed in the school's colours celebrated Jackson's win. He was on top of the damn world, making rounds and getting high fives from everyone who knew his name.

He was Jackson Wang.

There wasn't anyone who _didn't_ know his name.

"Hi, Jackson. Congratulations on the win." A group of girls called, giggling as he passed.

He shot them a wink and a killer smile, "Looking good ladies."

He wandered around the house that he shared with a few of his teammates before finding them gathered in the main room chatting.

"There he is!" Jaebum called out when he saw him approached.

Jackson's held his fist up and everyone broke out into cheers. Jaebum threw his arm around Jackson and pointed at him, "This man is a fucking legend. Breaking other people's records weren't enough so he started breaking his own."

"So what now?" One of his teammates asked. "You're done finals and you made the qualifiers, you're off season until school starts in 3 weeks. Planning on visiting your mom?"

Jackson shrugged, "I'm actually planning on hanging around campus, get in some extra practice, you know the drill. I'll probably visit her near the end of the vacation."

"Holy fucking shit."

The guys standing around Jackson and Jaebum all turned to follow Jaebum's line of vision to the door. "I can't believe it. She's actually here."

"What's wrong man?" Jackson mumbled while taking a sip of his beer.

"Is that Kang Mira?" He blurted out while pointing at a sultry looking girl dressed in black standing in the foyer.

One of the freshmen swimmers looked at Jaebum in confusion, "Who's Kang Mira?"

"Who's Kang Mira?" Jaebum balked in shock, "Only this university's Golden Child. The type of student that every school wants to be a member of their alumni."

The freshman knit his brows as he watched her pick up a shot glass and slam the contents down her throat with a group of other students before letting out a cheer and high fiving them all, "She doesn't really seem like a Golden Child type."

Jackson had heard her name in passing but had never seen her before. She had a really sexy vibe even though she probably had the most skin covered up in the entire house. Long dark hair, lidded eyes, lush lips and a smile that looked like a daring smirk. She looked like someone who spent nights on a bender, not doing her readings.

He watched, intrigued, as someone poured a bit of salt on the juncture of her hand between her thumb and her index finger. She then picked up a glass, that he could only imagine was of Tequila, and downed it in one go before licking the salt off her hand. His brow raised when her tongue ran over her lips as the other students cheered around her like she was a celebrity.

Yeah, she didn't seem like the type at all.

"Professors love her, TAs want to bang her and she gets the highest grades in all of her classes. She might not dress or act like the Golden Child, but everyone knows that she is. It's like the unwritten rule of the Arts and Science department that just spread to the whole school. "

"I heard that she showed up to an exam hung over and still got the highest mark."

"I heard that during rush week, a recruit was dared to steal her bra and when she found him in her room she punted him in the dick so hard he had to go to the emergency room."

"Oh, so she's a badass."

"She doesn't fuck around." Another one of the swimmers chipped in, "She doesn't do the whole girl next door, bubbly, bright, cheerful kiss ass routine, in fact, on the first week people thought she was a slacker until they saw her grades. Teacher's like her because she skips the bullshit. I swear her whole brain works in a weird way."

"So like, are guys part of her fan club or are they just _always_ this hard for her?" Jackson uttered sarcastically.

Jaebum laughed boisterously, "Basically."

"You sound smitten." Jackson teased.

Jaebum shook his head frantically, "Oh hell no. I'm not dipping my foot in that pool of crazy."

"Crazy?" The freshman asked in confusion.

"Philosophy majors are bat shit crazy." Jaebum said in confirmation. "They spend their time digging into the human psyche. Looking for some sort of hidden meaning in something that isn't there but they're so busy figuring other people other that their own bullshit starts to build up until they're a fucking wrecking ball. I swear to god, their minds are a black pit and mos of them, guys and girls alike, are unstable as shit. They're also wildly opinionated which is fine and well until you have a different opinion to theirs."

Jackson laughed before winking at a girl who waved at him, "You sound like you have experience."

Jaebum rolled up his sleeve to reveal a set of stitches, "This is what happened when I told a Philosophy major that I didn't like Hobbes' Leviathan as much as Locke's Essay Concerning Humane Understanding."

"Why the fuck did you even know that?" Another teammate asked.

Jaebum grinned, "Me and Jackson are minoring in Philosophy. Which basically means that we're crazy, just not as crazy as the majors."

"Holy shit." The freshman said in awe."How'd she do that?"

Jaebum rolled his sleeve back down, "Swiss Army blade on her bedside table. See? Bat. Shit. Crazy."

Jackson licked his lips and looked over at her again as if sizing up a challenge, she had abandoned the shots for a bottle of beer and was walking around the dance floor with a rhythm in her hips, "I like crazy."

"Go for it." Jaebum said with a fist bump, "I will bow down to you if you can make _crazy_ happen. It's a long drop down to crazy, Jackson. Hold on tight, my friend."

\-----

"In The Prince by Machiavelli, he argues that a good leader should not depend on Fortuna. He believes that there should be a balance between _Virtù_ and Fortuna. One must not rely on their luck but rather make their own long lasting success." Mira mumbled into her beer, reciting her notes quietly to herself.

She checked her watch. She had about two more before she had to head back and finish studying. She looked around and sighed, what was she going to do for the next 2 hours. There was a banner tied on the staircase banister saying _Go Wolves!_ with a small poorly painted face of the said animal.

"Huh." She muttered to herself. "We're the Wolves? Wolves can't even swim well."

The crowd was singing and dancing between taking sips of alcohol and she could only smile, bobbing her head to the music.

"Wolves! Wolves! Wolves! Awooo!"

Her smile fell and she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. That chant was plain barbaric. She always figured that humans tried their best _not_ to act like they were raised by wolves.

"They can get a bit hectic around this season, especially when someone brings home a win."

Mira turned to the voice blinked at the man, probably her age, with sharp blonde hair and then skin that stretched over taut muscles under a tank top. He stared at her with sharp eyes while holding onto a red cup, "I can see that."

"I've never seen you around before. Risking sounding cliché but…are you new around here?"

Mira's smile was knowing like she could pull apart his attempt at flirting with her eyes. She could tell he was pretending not to know who she was and it was flattering. Well, she knew what she was going to do to kill time, now, "And if I was? What next? What's your next move?"

"Move?" He asked while stepping close to her.

She bit on her lip and tilted her head to the side, "How are you going to convince me to let you kiss me and go to your bedroom with you?"

"Now what makes you think I'd want that?" He questioned with an easy going smile.

She mirrored his smile down to the hidden smirk behind his smile, "Humour me, then. What _would_ you say?"

"Socrates views sexual desire to be a poor response to physical beauty. Instead, it should be a built in response to the beauty of a person's soul." His voice was deep, buzzing against his throat as he spoke.

Her smiles looked like they held secrets that were beyond their current existence, "It's quite a beautiful coincidence that you think I'm new but know enough to know to reference Socrates to me."

"Guilty as charged, but can you blame me? It seems impossible to see the Golden Child at a swim team party that I almost didn't believe you were actually _you_." His eyes were heavy with something that riled her up.

"The Golden Child, huh?"She said while taking another sip of her beer. His eyes followed her mouth and the way it brushed against the glass like rose petals. "You're cute."

He smirked, taking in how _fucking_ attractive she looked, "So basically you're saying my Socrates line worked."

"I'm basically saying that you're really good at flirting and I think you have a lot of experience." She snorted.

"So? What do you say? Why don't I show you what skills come with years of experience." He said while offering a hand.

Mira's lip hitched upwards, intrigued with this man's confidence, before taking his hand, "Why not. I have 2 hours to kill anyways."

\-----

Jackson slammed his bedroom door shut and had Mira pinned against it in 10 seconds flat before kissing her like he had something to prove. He hands moved everywhere he could reach but hers stayed firmly planted on his cheeks until he pulled away. 

"Do you really want this?" He panted against her mouth as she shed her jacket on the ground.

Mira's brows raised for a fraction of a second, almost in surprise. "I figured you to be more of a taker than an asker."

"No." He breathed out, pressing his hips to hers, "I don’t take. Women give themselves to me, willingly."

There was a dark glint in her eye that had him faltering because it was the same look that he had whenever he was sealing the deal. She bit down on her lip and eyed him playfully, "I'm impressed. You're actually a semblance of a gentleman in your own cocky, overly egotistical way."

Jackson's eyes narrowed at her back handed compliment, "You sound surprised." He grumbled as he lifted her up by the waist so that her legs could naturally bind around his waist. She draped her arm around his shoulder and pulled his face close to her neck.

Jackson grinned against her skin and pressed his lips heatedly against her neck. Mira leaned her head back and stared at the wall across from where she was pressed against and saw a wall decorated with trophies, medals, and badges.

"You're the guy that this party is for, right? Like the swimmer guy?" She said through heavy breaths.

Jackson had to bite back his scoff, everyone knew who he was. Did she really come to a party not knowing who or what it was for? "Uh…yeah. I am." He said before licking at her skin, making her shiver at the sensation.

She hummed, running her fingers through his hair, "You know, I never understood why people like you so much."

He paused and pulled away, thinking he misheard her, "What the hell?"

"I mean, it's not like you saved a country or found a cure to a disease or even won the Olympics. You're just a fast swimmer. Why do people treat you like some kind of god? I mean, I'm not trying to be rude, but I bet there are more important people at this school that the student body should be looking up to. Actual progressive people. Not just a less impressive version of Aquaman."

Jackson's lips hitched up in a snarl, "As if you're any better? The Golden Child? You're a philosophy major, what good to humanity are you going to do with that shit? Why should people praise you?"

"Exactly!" She exclaimed, excitement in her eyes, "That's exactly what I'm talking about."

He stared at her, completely befuddled, "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"However, I guess the only real difference between us is that you _thrive_ on the attention everyone gives you whereas I just barely tolerate it." She said, matter-a-factly.

He leaned his head towards her, "Stop acting like you know me."

"But I don't know you." She said, her voice lilting melodiously, "And judging by how I'm hooking up with you at a party, you can assume that I don't _want_ to know you either."

Jackson's eyes twitched and he can feel irritation boil in his veins. He set her down on the ground and let go of her before rubbing his eyes, suddenly sobering up. "I think you need to go home."

She blinked at him, curiously to why he suddenly decided to stop. She obviously couldn't speak for him, but she was having a good time. Her eyes wandered past his shoulder again and felt a sobering shock hit her when she saw a bra sitting on his desk.

What the fuck was she thinking?

"You're right. This was almost a huge mistake. I just dodged a major bullet there." She said with a breathy laugh.

Jackson scoffed, "What?" He balked.

She picked up her jacket, "The last thing I need to do is ruin my reputation by becoming another girl on your wall of conquests."

"Fuck off." Jackson muttered. "Get off your entitled high-horse. This is my celebratory party, I don't need to deal with this shit."

"And tomorrow's my last exam and I don't need to deal with this shit either." She spat back.

"Good." He barked. "You are fucking insane."

She grinned and wiped at her lipstick, "Why, thank you. You sure know your way into a lady's pants."

"Let's make a deal never to see each other again." He growled.

She laughed, almost amused at his bruised ego, "Then let's make a fucking deal to stay the _hell_ away from each other."

"Perfect." He seethed before shaking her hand and storming off.

"I need a fucking drink." Jackson muttered when he came downstairs and found Jaebum standing in the kitchen.

"Woah. I thought I saw you heading to the bedroom with Mira. Why are you down here?"

Jackson let out a loud laugh. "You must've gone temporarily blind. My standards haven't dropped that low."

Jaebum looked over at the stairs where Mira was walking down, fixing her jacket and pulling her hair from beneath before smiling and chatting with some of her classmates. Jaebum had seen a lot of girls leave Jackson's room alone, looking heartbroken when they realized their relationship won't be anything more than a hook up but Mira was fixing her hair casually while typing away at her phone, probably check her texts and emailing her TAs.

"Well, good." Jaebum said while looking at Jackson. "She didn't really seem your type."

Jackson snorted, "What? Smart?"

"No." Jaebum said simply, "Bat shit crazy."

Jackson's lips quirked as he glanced at Mira who was holding her phone up, frowning as she tried to get a stronger signal until a girl tapped her on her shoulder and pointed at the door. It must've been her ride to her place because the both of them turned and walked out the front door.

Jaebum shrugged, "What did I tell you about Philosophy majors? Crazy."

"Either way, she's not my problem now." Jackson muttered. "Never was."


	2. Chapter 2

Mira walked out of the exam hall with a cramp in her hand from writing nonstop for 3 hours. She was glad it was over and part of her enjoyed spilling out every single thing she knew onto a piece of paper. It was oddly gratifying to her.

Her mind was blank as her brain started shredding up the information that she had jammed packed in every fold her skull.

But there was one thought that she couldn't get rid of.

He wasn't there today.

He missed his exam.

They had promised to meet up before the exam so they could sit next to each other but he didn't reply to any of her texts and when she walked into the hall she couldn't find him anywhere. When he walked up to the front to hand back her papers, she couldn't find his silver hair anywhere.

He skipped his fucking exam.

"Mira!"

She glanced over at the door where a girl from her class was waving at her from. She didn't speak to her classmates often but she had a few group projects with a couple of them and got along with them well, "Hey, what's up?"

"How was the exam?" She asked as they walked through the doors.

Mira stretched her arms up, "Good, but I think I'm just biased because I'm finally done. You?"

"The last question stumped me but I feel good about the rest. Any plans now that exams are over?" She wondered as they strode to the off-campus houses.

Mira shrugged, "My parents are on a cruise for the next two weeks so I'm planning to stay here until they get back."

"Aww, that's a bummer. Basically, no one's here. You can always come and stay with me and my family."

That was an odd offer.

Mira barely knew that girl that meeting someone's parents and stay at their house was a wildly intimate thing for someone who barely knew you. Mira hadn't ever introduced her past boyfriends to her parents, but less someone she knew for one semester.

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I know how to keep myself busy."

The girl wiggled her brows, "Wouldn't have anything to do with a handsome swimmer, would it?"

"You were at the party?" Mira asked simply.

The girl blinked, probably surprised that Mira was neither shy nor bashful about her alleged hook up. Most girls would turn beet red or laugh it off awkwardly, "Uh…yeah. I was."

"It was fun." Mira said with a shrug, "But athletes aren't really my thing."

The girl nodded in understanding, "I feel you. I dated someone on the soccer team once. Apparently _away_ games in another city was code for _I'm single for the night._ It's messy."

Mira didn't exactly know what to say to that.

I'm sorry you have such awful taste in men?

No, so she figured she'd keep her mouth shut about it.

"I'm guessing you're into scholars then? Where's that friend of yours? I didn't see him at the exam."

Mira frowned, showing an honest emotion for the first time, "I'm not sure."

"Oh, well I hope he knows what he's doing because he's about to fail."

Mira nodded blankly and pointed over her shoulder, "Well I need to go, see you around, Hyeri."

The girl blinked and watched Mira walk away before turning around with a scowl, "It's Hana."

\-----

Mira grabbed her belongings from her friend's apartment and dragged them over to her small sublet when she noticed something taped to her front door.

She frowned before setting her belongings down and pulling the note off the door. Just as it ripped off, something fell to the ground under it. She bent to pick it up, her frown growing when she stared at the map of Korea with notes written on it in permanent marker. She tucked it under her arm before opening the note.

She recognized the hand writing right away.

_Daisy,_

_Don't get mad and don't be worried, I just want to have a little fun and I think of all the people I know, you're the one that needs pure, soul lifting, baggage-free fun. That's why I want to invite you on this journey with me._

_I skipped exams this year._

_That's right._

_All 5 of them. Every single one of them._

_But don't worry about me, I figured that we all need to face failure sooner or later right? I might as well make my own failure, one that I am prepared for rather than one that blindsides me and leaves me knocked out cold on the ground._

_Control your own destiny, they say._

_I'm tired of sitting in a building with people who are no smarter than I am, judge away at my intelligence and decide my future for me. I want to make the best of the life that I have and enjoy the things that the world tells us that we don't have time to enjoy._

_And I think you should too._

_Where am I?_

_Somewhere where the sun shines brighter and the water here tastes like gold. An oasis where responsibility doesn't matter and no one knows your name._

_And let me tell you, it's a fucking amazing feeling to be in a place where you're a nameless, faceless stranger with no reputation or title to live up to. You are the truest, rawest form of yourself and that might be scary but it's also exhilarating._

_I want you here._

_I want you to find me and meet me here, but I don't want you to go alone._

_I want you to bring Poseidon._

_I've left you a map and I promise to help you out along the way when you really need it. You're smart and kind of weird and you know exactly how I think. Crazy to crazy, right?_

_I'm sure you'll find me without a problem. Look at big things in small places._

_Locke said that all men are naturally free, wasn't that your favourite quote? Knowing that you were born free and at some point in your life possessed utter and total freedom? Well,I want to go back to that time._

_When we all meet, we can laugh about how angry I made you and how you're so much happier now, because life is short and you need to grasp onto every moment and squeeze the soul out of it. It doesn't matter if your car breaks down or if you get lost trying to find the right exit ramp, just have fun and enjoy the journey._

_It's supposed to be more fun than the destination, right?_

_So, are you up for the chase? I know you and I know how you are, You can never say no to a challenge._

_Catch me if you can, Daisy._

_-Mark Tuan_

Mira stared at the note, almost in disbelief and let out a laugh. He can't be serious. He wanted her to get in a car and drive around the country trying to find him? She always suspected that his lyrical way of speaking was just an effect of smoking weed and now she was almost positive that she was right.

"You asshole." She muttered to herself before pushing her door open.

This was exactly like him.

He would leave her no warning and just do things the way he wanted and would just try to drag her along for the ride, convincing her to just close her eyes and let him drive. She used to tell him that he was a toxic influence on her and he'd just laugh and tell her that there were a lot worse forces in the universe other than him.

She hated the way he spoke, everything was a poem and every syllable was a mystery.

But for some reason, she didn't hate him.

She actually liked Mark quite a lot.

A part of her aspired to be like him. Happy, honest, fearless and strong. Nothing in his world ever went wrong because he never let it feel like it went wrong. He accepted every obstacle in his path and enjoyed the enigma of trying to work his way out of it.

If he failed, he'd just nod and take it as a lesson to be learned.

_Mira sat in her lecture hall, watching as timid faces and nervous steps entered the classroom one at a time, like a herd of deer circling around the watering hole. The first week of university, of being without parental supervision and endless access to alcohol with not curfew breathing down your neck. Every kid's dream._

_It was also the place that students were expected to get to know themselves and find out what they want in life. Which she found ironic considering they were expected to make decisions that would carve out the rest of their lives while trying to figure out what they wanted at the same time._

_"Welcome to the Introduction to Philosophy, or as a student once so eloquently put it, Take The Exam High 101." The class laughed as the professor dusted his hands._

_Mira jolted her head up when the front door of the lecture hall burst open just as the professor turned to start the class. Everyone turned and stared at the door as a boy with a beanie pulled over his head stumbled into the hall._

_"Sorry, I'm late." He said to the professor who just nodded._

_The boy kept his gaze low and jogged up the stairs, taking the stairs two at a time, looking for seats in a hall that was nearly packed. Mira looked at the empty seat beside her and stealthily lifted her bag and set it down. Sighing, she turned back to the course syllabus in her hands, fitting in the due dates of assignments with the ones for her other classes, making a mental calendar._

_Then she felt something shift beside and she turned to see the same boy who was late, setting her bag down on the ground next to her before sitting down. She watched, partially in shock and partially in irritation as he pulled his jacket off before opening his backpack and taking some of his things out._

_She looked over at his desk and the first thing she noticed was that he was the only person in the entire lecture hall who didn't have a laptop. He just had a worn out, leather bound notebook and a chewed up pen. He didn't look at her but she knew he could feel her staring at him, wondering why he wasn't standing up and going to find another sea._

_"Okay guys, I know you've all done this countless times in high school so one more time isn't going to hurt. As you can see this is a big class, with over 200 students, I don't want to spend my weekends fielding emails from all of you when you miss a class and need to be caught up. So, you're all going to turn to the person next to you and introduce yourself." The class groaned in response but the professor didn't flinch._

_"Maybe even exchange numbers or Facebook accounts or whatever. These are the people who you should email when you need notes or have questions that don't need to be answered by me. I'll give you some time to chat and get to know each other now." He said before walking to his desk._

_Mira considered herself to be enough of an extrovert to feel comfortable talking to strangers but not in a forced setting like this one and not with someone who she already had a bad impression of._

_Quick and painless, that was the way to go, "Hi, my name is Kang Mira, this is my first year and I'm a Philosophy maj--"_

_"What do you think the world would be like if dolphins could drive?" He said, effectively cutting her off as he turned to her._

_She stared at him with wide, confused eyes and she wasn't even sure if she had heard him correctly, "I'm sorry, what?"_

_"Dolphins? The world would be so different if they could drive. It would change everything. Think about it. Cars would have to have some sort of water filing device so they can survive and there would have to be a while different societal structure around them. Also, how would they carry their driver's license? Would it be a chip implant or would they have an actual card?"_

_"What the fuck?" Mira blurted out as she stared at him, her eyes still utterly lost as they darted around his sharp features. It was like he completely ignored her attempt to introduce herself._

_The boy just returned her stare with a blank one of his own, "Excuse me?"_

_Her gaze was unsure, she like she was waiting for some type of catch. Like she was waiting for there to be a punch line. When he waited for her response, her shoulders dropped, "It'd obviously be a chip. Where the hell would they keep the card?"_

_He stared at her emotionlessly, as if sizing her up, before grinning, his entire face lighting up, "That's what I was thinking. But I guess if they could drive, that raises the question of who would be qualified to teach dolphins how to drive? Would they have different qualifications or are the rules of the road going to stay the same? Do they need to have lessons? What if they get their own driving lane?"_

_Mira had never met a person like him before. Someone who spoke without catching a breath and paid no attention to the emotions reflecting on the person they were talking to. He just blurted his thoughts out with no filter. Most people rethink their words five, ten, times when they talk to someone new. Mark, on the other hand, spoke like he was a conversation with himself and that she was just someone who happened to overhear._

_She was in awe._

_"What's your name?" She asked while crossing her arms and leaning them on the table._

_He looked up at her from his notebook ,"Mark Tuan and I have a feeling we're going to be good friends, Daisy."_

_"Daisy? Who's Daisy?" She asked in confusion while looking around._

_Mark turned to her with a raised brow before pointing at her, "You are. Daisy."_

_"No, I think you must've confused me without someone else, my name isn't Dais-"_

_"Did you know that in Christianity, the daisy is seen as a symbol of the Virgin Mary? Purity, chastity, grace, elegance, all of it. In contrast, in Norse mythology, it's a symbol of the Norse goddess of love, Freya. Sensuality, love, lust, fertility and untarnished youth." He sad, almost as if he was trying to teach her something. "And in Roman mythology, the story of the nymph Belides who had attracted the attention of the Roman God, Vertumnus who became enchanted, intoxicated and enthralled by her almost to the point of obsession. Instead of kicking him to the curb, Belides turned herself into a field of daisies. A nicer way of saying,_ back off, asshole. _"_

 _"That sounds like a poorly veiled pick up line." She knew that it wasn't and she didn't actually believe he had ulterior motives. There was something very_ platonic _about the boy sitting next her but she had no real way of knowing, not when she's been sitting next to him for all of 10 minutes. Either way, she felt very unthreatened around him._

_Mark chuckled and shook his head, "Furthest thing from it, Daisy. It's an observation."_

_"How so?" She asked, slightly amused._

_"I think you're the type of person that has some hopeless guy sitting on his porch with a daisy in his hand, plucking the petals off one by one, thinking about you while saying,_ 'she loves, she loves me not,' _to himself."_

_"So you think I lead people on for fun?"_

_He shrugged and faced forward, "I'm not sure but judging by how quickly you tried to stop me from sitting next to you but are still willing to have a civilized conversation with me, I think we understand each other on a level that most people don't tend to understand us."_

_She raised her brow, intrigued by his mystical persona, "What level is that?"_

_"Crazy to crazy."_

Ever since then, Mark had just grown increasingly off-kilter. He was easy going and went through life without a worry. He just enjoyed being alive and spent his life taking in every moment like it was his last. She had never met a university student that carefree.

And sending a note like this was exactly like something he'd try to pull.

She folded the note back up and tossed it on her table with the before picking up her wallet and keys. Mark was a very close friend and one that she cared a lot about but she didn't have time for his games. She had errands to run before she indulged herself in wine, chocolate, and movies that would fry her brain.

She wasn't as much of a free spirit as Mark was and she honestly didn't believe that she ever would be. That was just the way she was built, there was no point in changing that.

Mark can have fun in his little utopia on his own.

\-----

Jackson had his earphones in, blasting music so loudly that it vibrated through his brain as he walked up and down the aisles of the grocery shop near campus, stocking up on food. Jaebum had left this morning to meet up with his family at the airport before jetting off to some warm, tropical country and his other housemates had left the same morning as well.

Meaning Jackson had the house all of himself without the constant threat of one of the guys stealing his food. He tossed in some organic stuff his mother kept texting him about before indulging in a case or two of beer. Just as he placed it in his cart and straightened up, he froze.

It was her.

The Golden Child.

The bat shit insane, Philosophy major.

Kang _fucking_ Mira.

And she looked hot.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

"You've got to be kidding me." He hissed under his breath as she pulled a bottle of wine from the shelf and scanned the label. She also had her earphones in and judging by how focused her looked while staring at the bottle, he could guess that she hadn't seen him yet.

And he wanted to keep it that way.

Moving slowly and carefully, he turned his cart around and was about to tip toe out of the aisle before an unfamiliar face jumped out in front of him.

"Jackson!"

His eyes widened and his back stiffened before he glanced inconspicuously over his shoulder. Luckily Mira was still focused on the bottle in her hand, her earphones blocking out any other noise. He turned back to the woman in front of him and squinted his eyes, trying to stick her smiling face to a name.

Kim?

No.

Park?

No. It was something uncommon.

Guk.

Geum.

Gwok.

Yes. Gwok something.

"It's me!" She said cheerfully, "Yuna!"

Gwok Yuna.

Right. He remembered her. They had fun together after homecoming but he recalled her being a loud moaner. The guys gave him shit about that for a week.

"Oh, hey. I didn't recognize you at first, you keep getting prettier each day." He said smoothly, making her giggle bashfully.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and laced her fingers together, "So what are you doing on campus? Aren't your exams over?"

"Yeah, they are." Jackson said distractedly as he glanced over his shoulder. Mira was still standing at the end of the aisle with two bottles of wine in her hands while examining them with great intensity. "I'm just getting in some extra practice."

He tried to walk away or at least lead her out of the aisle, but she just stepped in front of him again, trapping him in, "You're so dedicated, Jackson. It's admirable. You're so hardworking and inspiring. Everyone on campus thinks so. I don't think there's a single person who can say a bad thing about you, that's how awesome you are."

Oh, he could think of _one_ person who'd have a lot of bad things to say about him if given the chance.

"Yeah." He said with a weak smile. He was too antsy to pay attention to anything she was saying. He didn't like the fact that Mira was standing behind him and he couldn't tell if she had seen him or not.

Yuna kept rambling and Jackson nodded like he was paying attention but his focus was on the girl behind him. He felt his blood run cold when he heard her shopping cart start to move and he tried to tilt his back away so when she walked by, his face would be blocked.

But something more amazing happened.

She didn't walk by.

She must've seen two people standing on the other end and just turned and exited the aisle the other way. The gods must've been smiling down on him. This was his chance to make it to the cash register before she did.

"And then I was like--"

"Hey, sorry to cut you off but I really need to run. It was really nice catching up." He said abruptly.

Yuna blinked at him before smiling, "Okay! This was fun, we should grab coffee sometime. I'll be on camp--"

"Sure, sounds great." He said quickly before taking his cart and speeding away.

His eyes darted around until he made it to the cash register, picking the shortest line, without running into Mira at all. He let out a breath of relief and felt his muscles unwind. He rolled his neck waited at the woman in front of him got all her items scanned.

"You're total comes to $40.34." The woman held up her credit card and the cashier nodded and typed in the code before letting her swipe her card. Jackson's fingers tapped impatiently on the shopping cart as she took her receipt and grabbed her bags.

But just before she walked away, she turned and face Jackson and he felt the blood rush from his face to the pits of his stomach when Mira stared at him with dark, steely eyes.

"Do a better job hiding next time, I thought we made a deal."

Jackson watched, dumbfounded as she walked away without giving him as much as a second glance. His eyes twitched and grit his teeth, trying to hook up with her was one of the biggest mistakes of his life, what was he thinking?

Jaebum was right.

Bat. Shit. Insane.

\-----

It was 1 AM.

Or maybe it was 2AM.

Fuck, if Mira knew. She had passed out with a bottle and a half of red wine in her system and a few pills dissolving in her already alcoholically thinned bloodstream.

"Shit." She groaned when she heard someone pounding on her door. She rubbed her eyes and stumbled around her room before pulling a shirt over her head. Her ears were ringing and her hangover was screaming at her for thinking that medication and liquor was a good idea.

She was livid.

She couldn't even verbalize how furious she was of being woken up at this hour after _finally_ putting herself to sleep. Her body couldn't even adapt to the amount of rage that was building in her system because it was too buy adjusting to being jolted awake. There was a reason she lived alone and it was to avoid precisely this situation.

She stormed over to the door and swung it open to find Jackson staring at her, dressed in a hoodie with the hood pulled over his hair and a large duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

Of course.

"What the _fuck?"_ She hissed while glaring at him. "Do you know what time it is? Don't you have a swimming pool to drown in?"

He stared at her blankly, her acrid tone not affecting him, before holding up a piece of paper and a compass, "What's up, Daisy?"


	3. Chapter 3

"What did you just call me?" She breathed out while ripping the note he was holding out of his hands.

Jackson just licked his lips and shoved his hands into his pockets as he looked over her shoulder to look into her apartment, "Daisy. It's a cute name. I never pegged you for cute." His voice was cold and dry.

Mira wasn't listening to him at all and just tried to focus her blurred vision on the note in her hand addressed to Poseidon. It was the more or less the same content minus some small details but there was one like that stood out to her, _Find Daisy._

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." She muttered to herself. How would Mark know Jackson? He had never mentioned him before and they told each other _everything._ Mark and Jackson had nothing in common aside from the fact that they were both male and both dyed their hair ridiculous colours.

Perhaps they met at the salon.

Jackson watched her carefully, he could tell that she was still shaking the sleep off of her. Her eyes were glazed and unfocused. It looked like she was still trying to get a grasp on herself. "I didn't realize that Mark had a girlfriend."

"I didn't realize that Mark had a boyfriend." She fired back, making his eye twitch.

She wiped her mouth and handed the note back to him before turning back into her place, "How did you even find my house?"

"Every since that story of you kicking some frat kid in the nuts, everyone knows where you lived." He said while following her inside.

She grumbled, her voice still thick and groggy while turning on the lamp next to her bed. Jackson stood up the living room apprehensive as he looked around, "Looks like you had a bit of fun tonight."

"Finals are over. I like to enjoy the peace, which is why I'm wondering what you're doing here at…2:30 in the morning? When you said that we should steer clear of each other I figured showing up at each other's places was part of the deal."

Jackson rolled his eyes and watched her pull a sweater over her bare arms. Seeing her in her apartment, her hair mused under warm light gave her a different appeal that he figured not many people were used to seeing.

"You saw the note. I'm here because I had to find Daisy because trust me, I don't want to be here anymore than you want to see me here." He said, bored.

Mira laughed as she bent to pick up the empty bottle of wine, "How would you know who Daisy is? No one knows that nickname aside from Mark."

"I have my ways." He said off-handedly, "So are you ready to go or what? Let's make this as quick and painless as possible."

"You're not actually serious, are you? He's just messing with us. He's bored and just wants to do this so he'll have someone to play with during the break." She said with a scrunched up face.

"Who cares if he is? It's not like we have anything better to do." He said while gesturing to her unmade bed and empty wine bottles. "And it's not like he's asking us to steal a car or sneak out."

Mira rolled her eyes, "He's just stringing us along, I love the guy, but he's a nut. He just wants someone to play with."

"You really don't know him all that well, do you?" He said condescendingly.

She smiled and looked at him, "And you think you do? Mark Tuan is a free spirit. He does whatever he wants because he's on his own schedule. It's not our job to play along."

Jackson stared at her with a long look before straightened up, "You know what? I understand. It's the middle of the night and you're tired and it was really inconsiderate and rude of me to just show up at your door and assume you'd be okay with just getting into a car with a stranger. I'll just go myself." He turned to the door, a small smile on his face when he realized that he would be able to go on this adventure by himself. He wouldn't have to worry about her tagging along. When he had realized that Mark wanted him to bring Mira he had almost considered leaving without her but he knew that Mark would through a hissy fit if he showed up alone.

Mark had always been very particular about what he wanted.

But she didn't want to go? Well, that would be fine by him. Mark would just have to suck it up.

"I'll go." She said, speaking loudly and stopping him dead in his tracks.

Jackson felt his heart sink as he turned to her to make sure he had heard right, "Wait what?"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" She taunted with a fiery temptation. "I'll go, you win. But maybe next time, try not to be so obvious when you use reverse psychology."

Jackson bit down harshly on his lip, trying to hold back the urge to snap back, "So you're agreeing to come along, after initially wanting nothing to do with this, just to spite me?"

"What can I say?" She hummed, her eyes bright but slightly vacant, "You shouldn't wear your emotions on your sleeve like that. It makes it very easy for people to manipulate you."

Jackson scoffed and shook his head, "I don't know why he was friends with you."

"And how are you two even friends?" She shot back while pulling her hair up into a high ponytail.

Jackson rolled his jaw tightly and leaned towards her, "None of your damn business."

"Oh." She said with a smile, tipping her chin up, "Looks like I've hit a nerve."

He hated how calm she always was, like nothing he could ever say would get under her skin. It made him antsy and frustrated, not knowing what made a person tick meant that he had no way of putting someone in their place. He couldn't get her to back off if he didn't know what would throw her off.

That was the only way she kept getting the upper hand on him, she already pegged his ego and was giving him hell for it but he could barely make her frown. "You have 10 minutes to pack. I'm guessing at least pack for a week."

"A week? What? Are we going on our honeymoon?" She teased sarcastically while walking to her closet.

He narrowed his eyes at stared at her, tracing down the curve of her neck when she arched it back to scan her clothes. She started pulling out sweaters and t-shirts and throwing them on her bed. "Unless you want a front seat to my strip show, you should wait outside."

Jackson rolled his eyes with a sneer, "You couldn't pay me to watch."

"Really?" Her voice sounded like it was hiding a bubbling laugh, "Because you seemed mighty eager to strip me down at your party. And frankly, I didn't mind until you started talking."

Jackson narrowed his eyes, "Until _I_ started talking? You're the one who started running your mouth about me _thriving_ on praise or some bullshit. I was there to have a good time, maybe get a good fuck out of the Golden Child, not be psychoanalyzed."

"Nice." She said with a smirk while stepping up close to him, "And you would've gotten that good fuck if you weren't so insecure about people poking around inside your head."

He glared at her even though he voice came out thick and strained, "You've got a lot of fucking nerve."

She bit her lip and glanced down at his mouth before her eyes flickered up to meet his heated ones. She tilted her head up, "How badly do you want to kiss me right now?"

"Fuck off." He growled, his blood shivering, before turning away. Mira's laughter echoed behind him but just as he reached for the door, his eyes wandered to the wall where she had hung up a few pictures. His eyes faltered when he saw one of her and Mark, the only one that wasn't of family.

Her cheek was pressed against his and her arm was slung around his shoulder. He was looking down like he was reading something but his lips were lifted in half a smile. Jackson stared at the picture for another second before slipping out of the door and slamming it shut behind him.

This did not go as planned.

He pulled his phone out and dialed Mark's number before leaning against the wall across from Mira's door.

_"Hi, I can't come to the phone right now probably because I told Poseidon and Daisy that I would only help them out when they really needed it. Not when you two are at war with the GPS. Leave a message."_

Jackson let out a breath before closing his eyes, "You piece of shit." Jackson muttered into his phone, "Of all people to make me do this stupid wild goose chase with, her? There is something seriously wrong with her head. I can't believe you're sticking me in a car with her for who knows how long. I swear to god when we find you, we won't be laughing, jerk off. I'm going to whoop your Cali ass an--"

_Beep._

_"If you are satisfied with your message, press 1. If you--"_ Jackson pressed one on his phone and shoved it into his pocket dejectedly. He could see Mark snickering, purposely declining his call. This was exactly like something he'd do. He always complained about Jackson's priorities, saying that he took things too seriously, that he put too much time and energy into swimming.

It was exactly like Mark to try to make him prioritize something else instead.

He was a weird son of a bitch.

But fuck, he was one of Jackson's best friends.

Even more than Jaebum.

_His arms sliced through the water like he was born in water and moved through it like oxygen was of no concern. They say that you can't step in the same river twice because the world keeps changing and the water you stepped in now was different that the water you stepped in two seconds ago._

_Heraclitus said that._

_Jackson bobbed up and down as he reached the end of the lane before bursting his up. His breath was fast as he wiped off his cap and goggles and fumbled for the stop watch that was next to his towel._

_"Fuck." He cursed when he realized that he hadn't properly pressed the start button. He just completed the fastest run he had ever done and he didn't even have the exact time for it. There was no way he would be able to pull off a lap like that again, at least not now._

_He hit the water with his fist before sinking under until only his eyes were poking out._

_"9.30 seconds."_

_Jackson blinked before raising his head and looking around to the source of the voice when he spotted someone sitting on the bleachers, dressed in a baggy sweater and jacket. "What?"_

_The guy pulled his hood down, revealing a head of silver hair, "Your time was 9.30. I think that's good, right?"_

_"Uh…" He looked around, bewildered, "How do you know?"_

_The man held up his phone, "Shouldn't you have someone timing you? Like one of your swim team buddies or something? You know, instead of doing it yourself."_

_Jackson wiped his face before pushing himself up out of the pool so that he could sit on the edge of it, "It's not official practice. Sort of polishing myself off on my down time which means I can afford to make mistakes because no one else is watching. I don't really like people seeing me as a work of progress."_

_"Ah yeah, just the final product." He said with a nod, "I get it."_

_Jackson stared up at him before leaning back on his hands, "Are you always just hanging around the pool because I've never seen you around before."_

_"It's nice here alone." He said with a shrug, "Everything echoes and it smells like chlorine plus the sound of water sloshing around is rather relaxing."_

_Jackson nodded while drying his hair off, "That's why I like to practice alone."_

_"Oh." He said with widened eyes, "I'm sorry. I'll go."_

_Jackson watched him grab his stuff, shove it into his bag and stand before he called out to him, "Hey."_

_He stopped and looked down at where Jackson was sitting, "Yeah?"_

_"Do you…I don't know…want to start timing me? Like, regularly? I could pay you." Jackson asked._

_He blinked and shoved his hands into his pockets, "I thought you liked practicing alone."_

_"Yeah well…alone isn't all that easy. What's your name?"_

_"Mark Tuan. Yours?" He said while slowly coming down the steps of the bleachers._

_"Jackson."_

_Mark walked up to him and stuck his hand out, "Well it's nice to meet you, Poseidon."_

Jackson jolted when Mira walked out of her apartment, slamming the door shut behind her. "Let's go."

"That was fast." Jackson mumbled as she walked to the elevator.

Mira shrugged, "Phone, charger, wallet, keys, toiletries and a bunch of clothes. What else do I need?"

Jackson stayed silent as they walked into the elevator and let the doors close. Mira pressed the button to the ground floor and leaned against the wall of the elevator, "Scares me how easy it would be to pick up my life and walk out without ever coming back."

"Maybe you won't be coming back." He said bitterly while glaring at the numbers that were counting down.

Mira's lips quirked up while turning her head to get a glimpse of him, "That was a really dark thing to say."

Jackson's Adam's apple bobbed and her grin widened when she realized that he suddenly felt guilty but his ego wouldn't let him admit it. 

"But I guess we all have a little darkness in us." She said as the doors slid open. "Just in different doses."

Jackson rolled his jaw as they walked out of the lobby and into the parking lot where he kept his car parked, "Which philosopher said that?"

"None. Just a personal observation." She hummed as he unlocked his car.

They dumped their stuff in the back and got in before sitting in silence, "Where do we start?"

"I just have this stupid compass. I don't know what it's supposed to help us with." He said after digging it out of his pocket.

She pulled the map out of her own pocket, "I have this. I'm sure it will help."

Jackson's eye twitched as he took it from her, "You could have said something earlier."

"Well, where's the fun in that? I like seeing you all desperate for me." She cooed with s sultry look in her eyes.

He rolled his eyes, his nerves jumping and fried as he unfolded the map, resting it against the steering wheel before turning the interior lights of his car on.

"He wrote notes?" Jackson asked with a frown, scanning the black scribbled down.

She rested her head back and laced her fingers over her stomach, "Not helpful. They're just names of obscure stores and landmarks of places that you can't Google."

"You did your research? I thought you said you didn't care about this whole thing." He said while raising a brow, challenging her.

But she didn't flinch. No, nothing ever made her flinch. It was infuriating, "My interest my piqued. I like puzzles. I had to see what he was trying to do."

"Yeah, well it doesn't do us much help. It looks like he wants us to end up on the other side of the country." Jackson said under his breath.

Mira clucked her tongue, "Not exactly, the last note he wrote was around the Busan area but for all we know, he left something there that'll send us to the North…or to Mexico."

"His first note is at some bookstore a couple of hours away. We'll drive there, ask around and see where that takes us." Jackson's voice was firm like he was talking to a trouble making toddler.

Mira looked out the window, "Fine by me. Let me know when you want to switch."

"You're not driving this car." He said with an incredulous laugh, "You're buzzed."

"But I won't always be." She sung as he peeled out of the parking lot. "Soon I will be as awake as an owl and you'll be at my mercy."

Jackson turned on the radio to drown out her voice before focusing back on the road.

He wasn't sure what he was doing or where they were going to end up, but sitting in a car with a woman that wanted to spend every second antagonizing him made him feel uncomfortable. He wasn't used to people outright disliking him. Even girls he hooked up with and never spoke with treated him like he just saved their pet dog.

And then there was Kang Mira.

Kang _fucking_ Mira.

She was entitled and thought that she had the right to judge him even though he barely had anything to do with her up until a few nights ago. She was smart, hot, weird, and a little fucking insane and he had no problem with that.

But she was perceptive too.

And he didn't like that.

He didn't like people who thought they knew him better than he did.

He had enough shit to deal with than some nosy chick who thought she was better than everyone else. Mark was a good friend but Jackson really wanted to give him hell for sticking her in a car with him where she'd notice things about him that he didn't want anyone to know.

When he noticed her prolonged silence, he glanced over at her and noticed her window was rolled down and she was leaning out of it. He was about to snap at her, telling her that she was letting all the cold air in when he got a better look at her.

She stuck her arm out and let the wind brush past, doing the airplane thing with it, letting the stream of wind carry it away. Her chin was propped up on the edge of the window and the breeze tousled her hair gently. She really was exquisite when she wasn't staring at him like she was mocking him. No wonder she had everyone ensnared and wrapped around her finger.

"Maybe he's in a ditch somewhere, dead from a pot overdose." Jackson muttered under his breath.

Mira snorted and continued staring out the window, breathing in the crisp night air that smelled like burning charcoal. She lived off of that smell, "You think he's high half the time too?"

"The way he talks? Fuck yeah." He snorted. "He has to be."

"Here. Let me try." She said, pulling herself back into the car before picking up her phone. She tapped something into her phone and waited before it let out a little chime. She stared at her screen before laughing dryly, "No, he's totally alive and well."

She turned the phone to show Jackson.

_To: Mark_

_I hate you_

_From: Mira_

_To: Mira_

_:)_

_From: Mark_

"I really do hate him, though."


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you still pouting?" Mira joked after putting up with Jackson's silence for 2 hours. The man that cheered and laughed with a beer in his hand a few nights ago was the same as the one that was passive aggressively giving her the silent treatment.

He knit his brows together, "I'm not pouting."

"Oh come on, ever since Mark responded to my text and let your call go to voicemail, you've been frowning like a little baby. It's rather cute." She said with a light laugh.

His eye twitched as he drove down the empty road to a red light, "So what's the deal with you and Mark anyways? Did you two have a thing or…"

"Why? Are you jealous?" She snorted while fiddling with the radio before turning her head to the side to catch his eyes, "You jealous of him? Did you expect to have me all to yourself? You saw me at that party and realized that I was the only one you'd ever want? Am I yours and only yours?"

"Christ." He hissed under his breath, "Can't you answer anything normally? Do you have to make a _thing_ out of anything that I say?"

She clucked her tongue, "Possession is a weakness you know. The more you cling onto something or someone, the more dependant you are on them. Aside from that, it's totally counter-progressive for women an--"

"If you're not going to answer the question, that's fine, but stop making shit up on your own." He snapped, irritated.

She stared at him with a straight face before smiling and leaning back, "No, me and Mark didn't have a _thing_ which I assume is your way of saving relationship or casual sex partnership. We were friends. Just friends and I don't have many of those. What about you guys? Brokeback Mountain or…"

"More like Napoleon Dynamite. Weird and quirky, I guess. You wouldn't imagine the two of us getting along but we did…better than one would think." He said reluctantly.

Mira hummed in response and just stared out the window, taking in the scenery that was blurring past her vision. She had rarely gone for a drive this late. The roads were bare and the sky was starting to lighten as they got closer to sunrise and some of the streetlights were starting to turn off. There was a thin fog rolling along the horizon and it looked painfully serene.

"Oh shit." Jackson muttered in sudden realization.

"What?" She asked while leaning her palm against her cheek.

He let his head fall back against the headrest, "It's 4AM, nothing's going to be open this late. That bookstore isn't going to be open this late. Damn it."

"Why did you come so late anyways? You must've found his note earlier than 2:30 in the morning." She said while dragging the tip of her finger along the condensed water on the glass.

"Because I spent the day contemplating if I really wanted to bring you with me." His drawled dryly.

She hummed while drawing a small flower on the window, "The note was on my door when I went back to my place."

"Wait, you weren't staying at your apartment?" He asked in confusion.

"No, I was staying over at someone else's for a while." She said in response.

He rolled his jaw, "My note was on my locker but I none of my classes had exams so I wasn't near my locker for the last 2 weeks. I saw it today when I went to grab a textbook I wanted to return. Who knows how long they've been there."

"He probably knew that we wouldn't see the note until after exams. I'm telling you, this was a really well thought out plan. Mark is weird but he isn't sloppy." Mira said with a snort.

Jackson cursed to himself under his breath, "We'll just find this place and sleep in the car until it opens."

"I guess we'll be sleeping together after all." She said with a snort.

\-----

"Or not…" Jackson said as he pulled into a parking lot an hour later, "It's open."

Mira stared at the small store, tucked quietly in a plaza, "Apollodorus. 24 hour bookstore."

"What the hell does that mean?" Jackson asked as he turned off his car.

Mira typed the name into her phone and stared at the results, "According to Wikipedia, _Apollodorus_ of Athens son of Asclepiades, was a Greek scholar, historian and grammarian. Seems like Mark has a side interest for Greek Mythology."

"Great." Jackson said bitterly, "There goes my chance at a quick nap."

Mira clucked her tongue and stepped out of the car, "I could always drive while you sleep."

"Over my dead body." He grumbled before stalking to the front door of the store. Mira laughed boisterously before walking behind him.

Jackson and Mira stepped into the bookstore, the little brass bell ringing over their heads, signalling their entrance. It was no surprise to them that the store was completely empty, but it seemed to have come to a surprise to the man behind the counter.

"Oh!"

Both Mira and Jackson looked towards the counter where a young man with round, thin wired glasses stared at them with tired, bloodshot eyes and a cup of coffee held possessively in his grasp.

Mira blinked at him before frowning, "Sorry, were you guys closed? We saw the 24 hours sign an--"

"No, no! We're open." He said while closing the book he was reading, "We just don't really see a lot of customers here after 1AM."

Mira nodded and looked around the small shop, "Great."

"Hey." Jackson called out before squinting at the man's name tag, "Jinyoung."

The young man perked up, "Yeah?"

"Have you ever seen this guy here?" Jackson said while sliding his phone open and showing it to him.

Jinyoung adjusted his glasses before leaning forward to look at the picture of Jackson and Mark, "Oh! Yi En! I know him! He comes in here all the time. He's the only one that keeps my company during the graveyard shifts."

"I'm sorry." Mira said with a small shake of her head, "Yi En? Who's that?"

Jinyoung looked at her in confusion and pointed to the picture, "Yi En. The guy in the picture. He's a transfer student from China. He barely speaks any Korean so we don't talk much but he's a good guy."

A small smile curled up Mira's lips before she nodded, "I see. Do you know which aisle he hangs out in?"

"Not really but he chills in the back usually. That's where he was two weeks ago." Jinyoung pointed out.

"Where's your philosophy section?" Mira asked abruptly.

"B-Back there. Is there anything I can help you guys with?" Jinyoung asked with a concerned frown.

Jackson rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "It's fine, don't worry. We're just browsing"

"Um…can I ask you guys for a favour?"

"Sure." Mira said carefully while glancing at Jackson.

Jinyoung looked uncomfortable before clearing his throat, "Can you guys…you know…not hook up behind the shelves? Normally I wouldn't care, but since I'm the only one here, it's a little awkward."

Mira stared at him, making sure he was serious before she let out a snort and laughed as she walked to the back of the store. Jackson rolled his eyes and looked over at Jinyoung who seemed pressed for an answer.

"You have nothing to worry about." Jackson mumbled before following her to the back, "Trust me."

\-----

"What the hell was that about?" Jackson said in a rushed whisper when they got out of earshot of Jinyoung.

Mira hummed and scanned the books, 'What do you mean?"

"Yi En? Transfer student? What the fuck was he talking about?" Jackson's brows pulled together in a frustrated crease.

Mira tilted her head up to catch a glance at the higher shelves, "I guess you don't know him that well after all."

"If you don't know the answer just admit it." He grumbled.

Mira rolled her eyes and faced Jackson, "He probably came up with a fake identity for whenever he was out of town. Mark liked to have fun, things like identity were social constructs. Why limit yourself to being one person when you could be multiple?"

"So he just likes being different people? Isn't there a disorder for that?" He mumbled.

Mira shrugged, "There is. But it's not a psychological thing with Mark. He does it for fun, I guess and I bet the _only speaks Chinese_ part is a way for him not to have to talk to the people he crosses. These people, they're just passing faces. He'll never see them outside these settings so he gets to play a role."

"Stop standing around." Jackson mumbled while walking past her, "Start looking."

She raised her brow and stared at his back as he pulled a book out of the shelf and flipped through it, "What exactly are we looking for, anyways?"

"Daisy, Posideon, _Apollodorus_ , themes. Looks for something that sticks out. Something significant. He wants something to jump out at us." He said while slipping the book back in its spot before pulling out another one.

Mira turned to the shelves and stared at the books in front of her. He pulled one out after the other and flipped through all of them, but nothing would ever come up. Mira rolled her sore neck as she continued to search through the stacks of books.

"Oh wow." Mira breathed out as she pulled a book out, "Beyond Good and Evil. 1886. This store has some relics."

Jackson grumbled while shoving the books back in their place, "We're not here to shop. Hurry up."

Mira scowled but kept the book tucked under her arm before running her finger across the spine of all the books. "It's not here. I can't find anything. You?"

"None of these ring a bell." He mumbled.

Mira rubbed her eyes tiredly, "What now?"

Jackson stared at the books in front of him with his hands on his hips, closing his eyes before they snapped open, "Why are we looking in the philosophy section?"

"Where else would we look?" She mumbled before flipping through a book. "That's what all three of us had in common, even you. We all took philosophy courses."

"Yeah but Mark wouldn't be that obvious." Jackson jogged past her and up to the cashier, "Hey! Jinyoung. You wouldn't happen to have a copy of the contest of Poseidon and Athena?"

Jinyoung scrunched his nose up and adjusted his glasses, "Yeah but it's a kids version. You can find it in the kids section."

Jackson ran to the back and looked through all the books, his eyes darting around frantically before they landed on one book. He flipped the book open while holding it upside down until a small card fluttered to the ground.

Mira bent down and picked it up before flipping it over and reading what was on it.

_I think it's inevitable to run._

_You must stand your ground and yell._

_Scream at the top of your lungs._

_-M.T_

"What is that book about?" Mira asked as Jackson read the note over her shoulder.

Jackson frowned and put the book back, "Poseidon and Athena battled to show Cecrops what gift they could offer Athens. Long story short, Athena wins and Poseidon throws a bitch fit and purposely cursed Athens so that they wouldn't have enough water."

"Am I Athena?" Mira said with a mirthful laugh.

He snarled and ripped the card out of her hands and walked away, "Shut up."

_"I can't for you to meet Athena." Mark said as he sat on the bench, watching Jackson float in the pool._

_Jackson frowned and glanced at him, "Is that your sister or something?"_

_"Nah, my sister doesn't live here. This is someone different." He explained._

_Jackson hummed and stared at the ceiling of the pool, "So who's Athena? Is this the same person as Daisy?"_

_"Yup."_

_"You dating her? You talk about her a lot." Jackson asked as he floated._

_Mark chuckled before leaning forward on his knees, "What's your deal? Are you planning on staying single forever? You're going to outgrow that superstar playboy image real fast."_

_"It'll happen when it happens." He said vaguely._

_Mark shook his head, "You and Daisy are so similar it's uncanny."_

_"Are we?" Jackson said off-handedly._

_Mark nodded, "Yeah but in a weird way. It's not obvious but there's something really deep down that feels similar."_

_"Well, she must be hot as hell." Jackson joked, making Mark crack up._

_Mark glanced at the stop watch in his hand, "Your times are getting better. You are good at this. You have big dreams for swimming?"_

_"I have…dreams." Jackson said slowly with a frown, "I'm not quite sure they're for swimming."_

_Mark looked confused, "So wait, why do you take it so seriously?"_

_"I swim because I'm good at it and there aren't many people who could say they are good at something." Jackson said, his voice echoing._

_"You're not a fan of foresight, are you?_

_"Meaning?"_

_Mark wrapped the cord of the stop watch around his finger, "The world is so much bigger than this swimming pool, Poseidon. There is so much more out there but we confine ourselves to what the world tells us is the most important. Our attention gets pulled in every single direction that we never appreciate the fleeting beauty of life."_

_"Fuck." Jackson cursed while tilting his head to look at him, "Where the hell did that come from?"_

_"You and Athena are destined for greatness, but a Dean's list and a gold medal aren't going to be what gets you there? You both need to reevaluate what's important to you." Mark said._

_Jackson let his body sink to the bottom of the pool before swimming to the surface, "So what's your ultimate goal, then?"_

_"To do whatever makes me happy. I don’t want to deal with any more drama and negativity. I just want to surround myself with people and things that make me happy I'm alive." Mark said while adjusting his beanie._

_Jackson wiped the water off his face, "And you're working on that?"_

_"I've almost reached it."_

_"Hey, Jackson! What are you doing here so early?"_

_Jackson looked over, his eyes widening as his team filed into the pool, "O-Oh I was just chilling with--" His words trailed off when he looked over and couldn't find Mark sitting on the bench._

_He turned the door and just caught it slamming close._

"I think he pegged us really well." She snickered.

Jackson rolled his eyes and muttered to himself as he headed for the door but Mira stopped him with her voice, "Wait! I want to buy this!"

He sighed and came to a stop before leaning against the door. Mira handed the book to Jinyoung who started to scan it out for her.

"You guys must be good friends with Yi En." Jinyoung said with a laugh when he saw the book.

Jackson raised his brows, "What do you mean?"

"Morality is the herd-instinct in the individual. A living thing seeks above all to discharge its strength--life itself is will to power." He said while tapping his finger against the book.

"Nietzsche. You're a philosophy buff?" Mira asked while pulling out her wallet.

Jinyoung snorted, "Hardly. I knew fuck all about it but every time Yi En came by the shop, he'd show me one quote. That one stuck with me."

"Why's that?" Jackson asked.

Jinyoung sighed and handed Mira her changed and the bag with the book before leaning his arms against the counter, "How many times have you heard society and human be referred to as animals in the animal kingdom?"

"Too many." Jackson muttered.

Jinyoung grinned with a small shrug, "Well, it's nice knowing that the thing that sets us apart from that is morality and reasoning. That making a choice to do something, regardless of it being a good or bad choice, is what makes us human. Yi En is a good guy. Small voice but big heart. Tell him I said hi."

"Yeah." Jackson said as they walked to the door, "We have a lot we want to say to him, too."

\-----

"Where do we go now?" He muttered as they walked towards his car. "This clue doesn't give us any address at all."

"Well, I want breakfast." She proclaimed, "If you want to join me, that's fine, but I'm not hanging around here anymore." She finished before walking off, not even bothering giving him another look.

Jackson stared at her with a scoff and contemplated just getting back into the car and driving off, leaving her behind. Instead, he just sighed despondently and walked after her to the small diner. He walked into the diner and found her already sitting in a booth, reading a menu.

"You have zero social awareness, don't you?" He asked while sliding in across from her.

She tilted her head, "But you still got the cue, right?"

Jackson made a face and picked up his menu, scanning the contents as a waiter came up, "What can I get you guys?"

"I'll have the eggs, sunny side up, please. Can you add some cheese on top?" Mira asked with a smile.

Their waiter nodded with a cheerful smile, "Sure! We all love ourselves some good melted cheese. And you?"

"Pancakes. Thanks." He said before handing her his menu.

When she walked away, he pulled out the card and set it in the center of the table, "What do we do? The next point on the map has nothing to do with this."

"Unfortunately, I'm also stumped." She said while leaning her head back, "I don't know where that quote is from so he must've made it up. See, this is why I told you this was a bad idea. We're going to end up stressed even though this is supposed to be a fun little trip."

Jackson narrowed his eyes at her, "No one _made_ you come along. You decided on your own to tag along. I'd love anything but."

"Do you really hate me _that_ much just because I said a few things that bruised your ego?" She asked quietly.

Jackson knit his brows together and shrugged, "No, but that doesn't mean I want to spend even more time around you. Some people just don't get along and we're those people. Even Mark knew it with that stupid Athena and Poseidon story."

Mira said nothing and just stared at the printed card just as her phone buzzed. She pulled it out and sat up, "It's Mark."

"What does he want?"

"Having fun. Question mark. Mark Tuan." Mira read out.

"Don't even bother texting him back. He won't reply." Jackson grumbled.

Mira put her phone away and tilted her head up, "I have to admit, I'm starting to appreciate this trip."

"Why would he give us a clue if he already gave us the next point on the map that we're supposed to go to? What's the point? " Jackson said while picking it up in his hands.

Mira lifted her mug of coffee and took a sip before sighing, "Clearly he wants us to make detours."

"Oh shit." He said while holding the card up to the light. "Look at that, some of the letters are darker than the others."

"Let me see." She said while taking the card from him.

She held it up to the and squinted her eyes, "I, You, Scream? That sounds fucking terrifying."

"No." He said slowly as the gears in his head turned, "I scream, you scream…"

Mira let out a short laugh, "We all scream for ice cream."

Jackson pulled Mira's map out and stared at the next destination point, "He wants us to find one specific ice cream shop in 120 miles? That's impossible. There are going to be dozens. How are we supposed to know which one to go to?"

"Clearly, there's a pattern." She said while pointing at the bookstore, "He probably picked an ice cream shop with a name that has some sort of significance with us. We just need to drive around until we find it."

Jackson rubbed his eyes, "That's going to take forever."

"Well," She said while stretching her arms out to grab onto the back of the booth, "It's a lovely day for ice cream, anyways."


	5. Chapter 5

"10 ice cream shops. We've passed 10 ice cream shops and none of them are the ones that Mark put in his clue. I'm starting to think we just got the clue wrong." Jackson muttered as he drove down the road.

Mira hummed and rolled her window down before propping her arms on the sill and resting her chin on it, "Patience."

"Fucking hell, do you care about this at all?" He barked in annoyance.

"Honest question." She said, perking up, "Do you really hate me just because I made that one comment about you at the party?"

He snorted, his lips lifting into a smirk, probably the closest thing she got to a smile, "Don't you think you're giving yourself too much credit?"

"So you don't hate me?" She asked while tilting her head.

He rolled his jaw before sighing, "I just don't care enough about you to feel either way."

"I've never heard that one before." She said while pulling her head back into the car.

She looked over at Jackson who was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He snapped.

She blinked at him and tilted her head, "Do you want me to drive? You've been at it for almost 10 hours."

"No. You can drive after we go to the ice cream place." He mumbled.

She raised her brows, "I'm impressed. I thought I'd have to knock you out cold before you'd let me drive."

"I'm about to pass out and I'm not ready to drive this car into a lampost and kill us both." He grumbled much to her amusement.

She flipped the mirror down to check her hair when something fluttered down to her lap. She picked it up and turned it over before staring at the photograph, "Is this your mom?"

Jackson frowned and glanced over at her before looking back at the road, "Yeah."

"She's quite beautiful." Mira commented as she brushed her fingers against the image.

Jackson grunted, his fingers curling tightly around the wheel, "Yeah she is. Do you mind putting it back?"

Mira stared at his profile, taking in the way his entire body seemed to stiffen before sliding the picture back. "What about your dad?"

Jackson didn't look away from the road and just lifted his hand to tap on the mirror above his head, where a picture of his father must've been tucked. "He died in a car accident. It's kind of a good luck charm."

"Only the dead have seen the end of war. Plato said that." Jackson knit his brows together and looked at her, not expecting that as a response. She caught his gaze and felt herself deflate when she realized how off-putting her reply must've been. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged and turned on his blinker before merging onto the next lane, "It's not really a big deal. I was a little kid and my mom still had her job. My dad left a hefty insurance policy so we were pretty well off for a single mom and her son."

"What the hell?" Mira muttered while frowning.

Jackson glanced at her from the side of his eye, "What?"

"Someone finds out that your dad passed away and your instinct is to explain that you're financially stable?" Mira asked in confusion.

Jackson's eyes widened when the realization hit him. He hadn't realized that he got that defensive. He was so used to the pity or people thinking he was barely getting by because of having a single mom that it had become a knee jerk reaction.

Fuck.

"What about your parents?" He asked, quickly changing the subject.

She knew what he was doing. Someone like Jackson didn't actually care about the life story of someone like her. Someone he wasn't sleeping with, hell, she was pretty sure he didn't care that much about the people he _was_ sleeping with. But for some reason, instead of calling him out on his transparency, she played along.

"They're both professors."

Jackson's lips quirked, "Ahh, the golden child comes from golden DNA. No wonder you're so smart."

"Meh." She said with a shrug, "My parents actually don't care too much about my grades. They think that school is supposed to be fun and a place to _find yourself_. Whatever the hell that means."

Silence fell over the car as both of them mulled over their thoughts.

"At your party, you asked me what I was going to do with my degree. What amazing thing I was planning on doing. The truth is, I don't have a damn clue. I don't know. There's nothing really amazing about me or what I'm going to do with my future. It's nothing. I don't want to pursue philosophy after I graduate but then what do I have? I'm the golden child because of philosophy. Because I'm good at those courses. That's all I have. That's all I am." Her voice held no strong emotions not anger or sadness or bitterness. She just stated facts.

Jackson frowned again but stayed silent, he had no idea what she was expecting him to say. He barely talks about this stuff with Jaebum, much less a girl he didn't like and didn't know.

"I don't want to go to grad school but I know I'll probably have to. Then I overhear girls in my class talk about applying to schools in Ireland and England and I just don't get it. Why would anyone want to do that? Why would you go somewhere you don't know anyone or any place and be on your own? You don't know how to navigate or speak the language or go places." She said incredulously.

"Experience?" He muttered.

She leaned her head back and stared out the window, "I'm a creature of familiarity. I like being around places I recognize. I'm satisfied in my comfort zone. It's home to me. There's this belief that humans always need to be challenged and should grow and become better but I mean, after a certain point we need to accept that this is who we are and be happy with that and not force ourselves out of our bubble. I'm content with being someone that likes being close to home but I hate feeling like I'm lagging behind. I'm this weird living contradiction of someone who keeps to herself but gets terrified when left to her own devices."

"Why are you telling me this?" He asked her with a frown.

She blinked to herself before looking over at him, "I don't know. I've never told anyone that and there are not that many people I can talk to even if I wanted to tell more people. I guess it's easier to tell it to someone who doesn't care about me than to someone who thinks the world of me."

"I thought you didn't care about the praise." He pointed out as he turned the corner.

She nodded with a small smile, "Yeah, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less when you see the disappointment in someone's eyes when they realize you're not the person they built you up in their heads to be."

He didn't like this.

He didn't like the intimacy he felt after she shared something so close to her heart. Mira was mysterious, that's why university boys gravitated towards her. She appeared to have no baggage and no drama that surrounded her, she was every guy's dream. She was a sexy mystery that every guy and his brother wanted a piece of.

And Jackson couldn't handle the fact of all people who she would open up to, and show who she really was, she chose him.

And he hated that he could relate to her.

He hated being similar to someone who frustrated to him so much.

He hated thinking they thought the same thoughts and had the same feelings cross through them.

"Do you do this often?" He asked blandly.

She snickered, "Unload my anxieties on a stranger? No. But Hobbes thought that fear is what bound people together, right? Fear makes people to crazy things. Things that are disproportionate to the danger of the object we fear. We might as well do it together."

"No, I mean just carrying around the shit you're feeling without telling anyone?" He muttered, rolling his eyes at her comment.

She stayed silent and stared at Jackson's face until he pulled to a red light, felt her gaze on him, and turned to face her. She gave him a broken smile with eyes that held more emotions than he was comfortable with seeing.

"Don't you do the same?"

\-----

"According to Google Maps, this is the only ice cream shop between here and the next place that Mark put down on the map." Mira said while staring at her phone.

"I'm guessing Google Maps won't tell us where the next place on the map actually is."

"No, it's just showing some dirt road." She said while holding her phone up.

Jackson grunted in displeasure, "Of course. How does he even find these obscure places?"

"Oh come on! It's fun! It's a new adventure." She said cheekily.

Jackson scoffed and walked towards the ice cream shop with her, "I thought you didn't like stepping outside your comfort zone."

"I know." She said with a dumbfounded laugh, "Maybe I'm a bit delirious or maybe it's because you're here with me but I'm so intrigued."

Jackson's lips hitched up in a ghost of a smile at her sudden enthusiasm and opened the door for her, letting her walk into the shop before following behind her.

"Hi! Welcome! What can I get for you?" A cheery voice chirped from behind the cases of ice cream.

Jackson blinked before muttering quietly under his breath, "Why is everyone so damn cheerful?"

Mira snorted as Jackson scratched the back of his neck before clearing his throat, "Tell me, does the name Poseidon or Daisy mean anything to you?"

"Uh…The Greek God? The flower? I don't…I'm not really sure what's going on." The cashier said as her eyes darted around nervously. "Do you want ice cream or…?"

Mira frowned and tugged on Jackson's arm, "What now? There are no other ice creams places. Maybe we missed one back there."

"Are you guys looking for a place in particular?" The cashier asked.

Jackson nodded while turning on his charm, "Yeah but don't worry. We didn't mean to bother you. We were just looking for a small ice cream shop but we can't seem to find it."

The girl swooned at Jackson's smile and Mira was biting back her own grin as the girl suddenly became eager to help. "Well, there's a small place a few blocks down the road. It's a house that got renovated into an ice cream parlor. It's relatively new so it's only listed as a residential house if you look it up online. It's on a small road, so it'll be difficult to fit a car down the path. You might have to walk."

"Great. Thanks." He said while turning to the door.

Mira was quick to latch onto his arm and drag him up to the counter, "Buy me ice cream." She cooed while her eyes flickered over every flavour on display.

"What?" Jackson balked as she continued to keep a tight grip on his arm. "Why? What are you talking about? We need to go."

She pouted, her eyes suddenly round and filled with an alluring puppy dog look that had his throat swollen shut. "Come on. It's so warm outside and we're going to be walking anyways. Ice cream would be perfect."

He leaned down so their faces were close and narrowed his eyes, "I know what you're trying to do and I'll tell you now, it's not working."

In a second the puppy dog look was gone and instead she grinned and turned her body so that it was facing his, "Please?"

"How often do you get guys to do what you want like that?" He challenged as he leaned closer to her.

She tilted her head up and smirked, "As often as they try to hit on me. I feel like I deserve that much if they're going to harass me on the daily."

"They harass you?" He asked with a sudden frown, "I thought the frat boy was the only one that ever crossed the line with you." He had never heard stories of guys harassing her. He just knew that a lot of guys were interested in her but after hearing stories, he figured she was too intimidating for any of them to actually approach.

"It happens." She hummed, her eyes lidded, "In fact, you were probably the only real gentleman who ever tried to proposition me."

Jackson wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to his body. Two could play at the seduction game, "Didn't I tell you to fuck off when we were hooking up?"

"I think this is the moment when someone catches you in a lie." She said with a snort, but her eyes still held a mirthful amusement.

Jackson's lips parted and _fuck_ she was the most aggravating woman he had ever met. She always had something to say back to him and she always had to have the last word but he didn't think he had ever wanted to kiss another woman that badly. He wanted to have the last word, he wanted to kiss her speechless.

Her lips widened and her eyes had the same secretive look as if she knew the world's answers but all she did was press the tip of her nose against his. "Ice cream please." She said with a soft whisper.

"Ahem?"

Both of them turned their heads to the cashier who was staring at them uncomfortably, unsure where to look when the pair had started leaning closer and closer to each other until they were all but making out.

"Are you two getting ice cream or not?" The cheery exterior of the cashier had dissipated into annoyance.

Mira wrapped her arm around Jackson's and peered up at him, "Rock, paper, scissors?" 

"No, I'm not going to pla--"

"Rock, paper, scissors!" She yelled out.

On instinct, he threw out his hand and stared at the results. His rock to her paper.

God damn it.

Even during games of chance she _still_ beat him.

"Yay!" She cheered, stepping away from him to throw her hands up in the air.

He sighed and pulled his wallet out before waiting for her to order for the both of them. When she was done, she took both cones and went off to the side while he paid.

"I've never seen a boyfriend resist paying for his girlfriend that much." The cashier grumbled while taking the money.

Jackson scowled and took his change before going up to Mira and grabbing his cone from her, "Let's go."

She grinned and trailed after him, waiting for him to take a bite before speaking up, "I ate some of yours by the way."

"Why?" He asked exasperatedly. "Why would you do that?"

She shrugged and continued to walk, "I just wanted to taste yours."

Jackson just sighed despondently, starting to realize that it was easier to choose his battles against her and the pair of them just walked in a silence as they continued down the side of the road where towards the house. Mira wasn't sure if she liked Jackson, she felt the same way she did the first night she met him. It wasn't that she hated him or even disliked him, she just found him entertaining, amusing.

She could tell he hated himself.

That's why he acted like he loved himself so much.

And that's why he gravitated towards her that night.

But she could never understand why someone like him would hate himself. Maybe she was too simple minded but it was still an enigma to her. She could sense the self-loathing in him and perhaps misery did really love company, but she found a kindred comfort in him, even if he ignored her, even if he slept with so many women he couldn't remember their names.

Being around him didn't irritate her as much as it irritated him. She even vaguely enjoyed his company in a twisted and sadistic way. It was refreshing being around someone that didn't like her as openly and unconditionally. He gave her a type of attention that she wasn't familiar with but one that she appreciated nonetheless.

So she couldn't say that she _loved_ being around Jackson but she could say that if she had to be trapped on a journey with anyone that she wouldn't mind it would being Jackson Wang.

Did Mark _ever_ get anything wrong?

_"You really don't give a damn about this essay, do you?" Mira mumbled as she peered over her laptop to get a look at Mark who was lounging on her bed, throwing a beanbag up into the air and catching it in his hand._

_He hummed, his sweater and jacket that he always bundled up in tossed to a side. "It's so stupid. Who cares if Hobbes and Marx have differing or parallel opinions? It doesn't matter. How is that going to help me understand the real world better?" He asked before throwing the bean bag at her. "Evaluations are stupid. I'm not here to find out if I'm good at something or not. I'm here to learn and if I need to spend hours writing about something or memorizing something to prove I really understood it, it means that I probably don't."_

_She caught it in her hand and threw it back and forth between her palms before throwing it back at him, "So, why bother coming to school and paying a hefty tuition for your education?"_

_"It's all in the experience, isn't it Daisy?" He said with a knowing smile._

_She snorted, "It's the world most expensive experience then."_

_"I have a real question." She asked while closing her laptop._

_He grinned, almost relieved like he was waiting for her to shut her computer down, "And I'll give you a real answer."_

_"Do you think I'm a Golden Child like people think?" She asked while chewing her lip._

_He blinked at her before sitting up, "No."_

_"Why not?" She asked while twirling a pencil._

_He shrugged, "When you see things that are made of gold like jewelry, they'll say_ made with real gold _but that just means that the tiny percent of gold in the product is real. You hardly see a necklace that's made of 100% gold."_

_"So?"_

_"You're not just made of gold, Daisy. That's like saying a cookie is made of just chocolate or a puzzle is made of just one piece. There is so much more to you than gold." He said while rocking side to side._

_Her eyes started to prick and her heart grew heavy, "How do you know for sure?" She asked, her voice cracking._

_"Because you're human. And no human is just one thing. That's offensive to how complex we are."_

_"I wish I could be like you." She mumbled._

_He gave her the lopsided smile and leaned against her pillow, "You're you because the world needs you to be."_

_"Is there anything you're not afraid of?" She balked._

_His smile fell as he threw the ball up in the air in thought._

_"I'm scared of living meaninglessly. But I think everyone is afraid of that, even if they pretend not to be."_

Mira stared at Jackson's profile before she reached out and used the tips of her fingers to brush some of the ice cream off his lip. He stilled and watched her suck the cream of her finger before going back to her ice cream.

_Fuuuuuccck me._

It would've been a lot easier if he just hated her plain and simple.

Not so much when he still found her attractive.

Jackson winced and grunted to himself but Mira was far too distracted by something else. "Is that it?"

He looked over at a small house that was redecorated with a giant ice cream cone on the roof but instead of a plastic ice cream scoop, lush flowers blossomed out of the cone. Predominantly, daisies.

"Subtle." Mira snorted while licking her own cone.

It almost unrealistic to Jackson that his own mouth, at one point, was the closest it could be to hers.

"Let's go." They walked up the steps and pulled open the door.

The place was rather busy so the pair of them huddled in the corner while waiting for a breather.

"Daisy? Are you Daisy?"

Mira jumped and turned to see a young girl standing in front of them. "Um..yeah?"

Jackson stepped out from behind Mira and the young girl's eyes widened, "Oh, you must be Poseidon."

"How do you know?" He asked with a frown.

She smiled and pointed to the cones in their hands, "It's not often someone comes to an ice cream shop while holding ice cream. Lucky guess."

"This is for you." She said while handing Mira an envelope, not unlike the one they found in the bookstore. "Yi En wanted you guys to have this."

"You know him?" Jackson asked skeptically. The girl looked no older than 11 or 12.

She nodded, "He comes by a lot and sometimes helps me with my homework. My parents own this place."

"Well…thanks." Mira said as the girl ran off.

Jackson let out a scoff, "Everyone loves Yi En."

"Don't be jealous." Mira teased while opening the envelope.

He glared at her, "I'm not jealous."

She pulled the piece of paper out and frowned while staring at it. "Huh?"

Jackson peered over her shoulder before tilting his head, "Maybe there's something on the back."

"No." She said while flipping the card over, "It's blank."

He made a face, "Did he mess up?"

"That doesn't sound like Mark." Mira said while looking around, "I'm going to try to find that little girl. Maybe she knows something."

Jackson watched her walk away before pulling his phone out before dialing Mark's number. It wasn't surprising when it went straight to voicemail but Jackson had expected as much and just went straight to the point.

"She's…weird Mark. I don't know. I feel strange around her like she's too smart like she's not afraid of getting into my shit. I don't like this. I keep wanting to just leave her and get into the car and drive away. Fuck. Why couldn't you just make us both come to you separately. She makes me feel on edge as if I can't slack off with her around or she'll attack. I hate you. You suck." He muttered almost childishly. "This was part of your grand plan, wasn't it? Stick me with a girl that won't fall for my bullshit and let her challenge me blah, blah, blah. I've watched enough movies, dude. Nice try. It's not going to work. I know myself way better than you know me. And by the way? Stop ignoring my calls, asshole."

He hung up just as Mira walked back to him, "I think she went upstairs. I felt weird going up there so I guess this is what we have to go on."

"Whatever." He said while a sigh, "Let's just go to the next place on the map and figure it out from there." 

She nodded in agreement and followed him out of the shop just as her phone buzzed. She pulled it out and opened the text message before nudging Jackson to show him.

_To: Mira_

_You guys must be having the time of your lives. You're welcome <3_

_But don't take too long, I'm still waiting for you guys. You have to see this place, it'll blow your mind._

_[1 image attached]_

_From: Mark_

"Are you serious? He _just_ screened my call but he'll send you a text message without missing a beat?" He scoffed.

Mira grinned, "Probably his way of making sure you won't try to run off without me."

"Fuck the picture. Ask him about the clue." Jackson prompted.

Mira did just that and waited for the reply but got nothing in response, "He's being so stingy with these hints."

"At least that means he didn't mess up." Jackson pointed out.

Mira was distracted and instead opened the image that Mark had sent them, "Oh wow." She whispered.

"What?"

"Look." She said before turning her phone to show him a picture of a beautiful mountain with a breathtaking view.

His eyes widened as he stared at the picture, "Oh wow. I didn't know there were places like that here."

"That seems like it's a common theme with him but it kind of makes the frustration worth it, right?" She teased.

"Let's hurry. The next ride is about 4 hours." He relented, turning away as her laugh twinkled behind him.

"We got our ice cream so does this mean that I get to drive?"


	6. Chapter 6

_"Trust is a campaign promise, Daisy." Mira was only half paying attention to Mark, her concentration was rather focused on the ice cream cone in her hand that was threatening to melt all over her palm._

_She glance down at her thighs where Mark's head was propped up on. She would never let anyone see her like this but for Mark, she'd make the exception. She figured everyone made exception for their best friends Especially the people who didn't have very many._

_"What does that mean?" She asked between licks._

_He stared at his own ice cream cone in deep thought, "What do you think it means?"_

_"Christ almighty, I'm a bit busy here, Mark. I'm not exactly in the mood to play with you right now." She muttered while trying to catch the droplets of ice cream that were melting onto her hand._

_Mark held his own cone up to her face and shook it back and forth, "Switch."_

_"Thank you." She muttered, embarrassed by her own childish incompetence before taking his cone that was still in its solid state._

_"Well?" He prompted._

_She groaned and swept her tongue across the dessert, "Okay. Campaign promise. So like when politicians make grand claims to get voters favour but once they're elected, those claims mean nothing. So trust is like that?"_

_"You truly are brilliant, Daisy. That's why I like keeping you around. Not very many people can keep up with me." His voice held no humour and although she knew he cared about her more humanely than that, but his tone and face did not betray such._

_She chuckled and picked up her novel with her free hand and held it up while Mark made due with her melted mess of ice cream. "So why is trust like that?"_

_"Because people always say shit like '_ you can always trust me' _but once they actually need to step up to plate, they prove to not be trustworthy at all. They tell you to trust them with your secret but a day later, the whole world knows. They say that you can trust them with your life but they'll always put you second."_

_Mira paused and moved her eyes away from the book to peer down at him, "That's…bleak."_

_"Can I trust you?" Mark asked, tilted his chin up so that he could look sharply into her eyes._

_She raised her brow and lifted her book to cover her face so that only her eyes peeked out, "Must I answer honestly?"_

_"It'd be appreciated." He said with a quirked smile._

_She stared at her ice cream cone before tossing it in a nearby garbage can, "In that case…no, you can't trust me, Mark."_

_"See? This is why we get along so well."_

\-----

It was mundane and childish.

She was quite aware.

But that didn't make it any less amusing.

It didn't stop her from laughing.

And it didn't stop Jackson from wanting to chuck a rock at his car as Mira drove a forward a few feet every single time he tried to reach for the door.

But it was his car and his mom would be pissed if he did.

"This really isn't funny. It lost its wear after the first fucking time." He hissed through the closed window. He had turned from the car for a second to throw away some napkins and when he had turned back around, Mira was inside his car, in the driver's seat, with his keys in her possession and the doors locked shut.

Mira's forehead was pressed against the steering wheel as she struggled to catch her breath between wheezes and boisterous laughter. "Fuck you. This isn't funny. Unlock the doors."

She rolled the window down a crack and lifted her head, "It's not funny…it's fucking hilarious. Now I know why people do it in the movies."

He shot his hand out in attempt to reach for the handle but she jerked the car forward again before she bursted out in another round of juvenile giggles. "You're a child." He spat out.

She straightened up and tilted her head before unlocking the doors but Jackson just glared at her, untrusting. She snickered and rolled the window down, "Come on, I promise I won't do it again. Get in."

"I'm not falling for that." He muttered spitefully.

She held back her laugh, "I swear. If I do it again, you can drive." 

He stared at her, the distrust still present and slowly stretched it arm out until his fingers curled around the handle, letting out a sigh, he pulled the door open and slipped in. "I can't believe you did that."

"You're so over dramatic." She said with a smile. Jackson huffed in reply and pulled his seatbelt on before glancing at from the side of his eyes. "Take a joke, will you?"

She reached into her bag and pulled out her sunglasses before slipping them over her eyes before she started to drive. It was the same car but when she was in the driver's seat, it gave off a completely different feeling.

Mira immediately turned on the radio, blasting music before rolling the windows down. She was leaning back against the seat, humming along. It was beyond him how she was the one that resisted coming along and playing Mark's game and yet he was the one that was grumpy and stressed while it looked like she was having the time of her life.

She had one hand on the steering wheel and the other hanging out the window as if it was trying to escape the confines of the vehicle. She taps her fingers against the side of the car as if there was a song playing that only she could hear and Jackson was starting to realize that she did that a lot.

Either by the smirk on her face or the rhythm she walked to, it was like there was an entire galaxy that existed in which she was the only one privy to. He figured that was what had people gravitating towards her, they wanted to be a part of the secret that she always seemed to mask under her eyes.

But Jackson didn't buy it.

She had no secrets but she liked to pretend she did.

He knew what people with secrets looked and acted like. He was very much familiar with it and he couldn't sense any of it within her. He looked away and just stared out the window while sitting on his hands. He felt so useless and awkward. He had no clue what to do with himself, he had never been in the passenger seat of a car with someone he didn't care for. There was nothing to talk about or to do.

"The sun's going to set in a few hours." He muttered when he checked the time on his phone.

Mira snorted, "Next you'll be telling me that the weather had been real good for the harvest this season."

"We need to find a place to spend the night." He muttered in annoyance.

Mira pulled her other hand back into the car and drummed her fingers against the wheel, "Oooh, we'll be spending our first night together. Does that mean that we can finally finish what we started?"

"Slow down." He hissed quietly under his breath and through his teeth.

She snickered, "Oh I think we've played it slow for long enough. We might as well go all the way at this point."

"No." He barked aggressively, "I mean slow the fucking car down. It's a red light."

Mira turned her head forward and blinked at the red light in front of her, planted in the center of an intersection of a desolate street. A slow, devious smirk curled up her lips as her foot slowly pressed down on the acceleration. Jackson's eyes widened when she picked up speed and felt his fingers curl into his seat. His heart started to race and a thin cold sweat started to form above his brow.

"W-What the fuck are you doing? Slow down!" He yelled.

"Live a little." She said before she blew through the red light, nearly clipping a car that had come out of nowhere. Mira let out a loud scream, throwing her head back as she glanced at the rear view where she could see the owner of the car she almost hit get out of their car, yelling faintly at them.

"What the hell is wrong with you? We could've died!" Jackson exclaimed as Mira slowed down.

She giggled while scrunching her nose up, "But we didn't."

"T-That's not the point!" He sputtered. "Why the hell did I let you drive? You realize that the license plate is registered under _my_ name, right? If that guy you almost hit got the number, I'm the one that's going to get screwed." He said while throwing his hands up in the air.

She pouted and tilted her head to get a look at him, "Oh come on, there's no way they got the plate number. Stop worrying so much."

Jackson leaned his elbows on his knees and rubbed his eyes, "You are _fucking_ insane. I'm not going to make it home alive. We could've _killed_ someone if that car came out a second sooner."

"In which case, at least you died on the ride of your life!" She cheered with the same excitement.

Jackson stiffened and his grimace had turned into a strainned look as he sat up rigidly and fisted his hands on the tops of his knees. Mira looked over at him when she didn't hear a reply and felt her own smile start to falter. Jackson's eyes were vacant and impassive and the colour in his face had started to fade. She glanced at the road before looking back at him cluelessly. He moved his hands to the sides of his seat before digging his nails into it.

Her eyes widened when realization hit her and she slowly pulled her foot off the acceleration. She had chalked his snarky response to the typical frustration he had felt towards her but looking back at how he just acting, he wasn't annoyed at her, he was scared. 

And there was a reason for that. One that she had forgotten.

"Shit." She whispered under her breath, catching his attention, "I'm sorry. I forgot about your d-dad. I shouldn't have been driving lik--"

"Whatever. Forget it." He said quickly before looking away.

Mira felt her throat dry out as she re-gripped the wheel, her normal banter was amusing because even if Jackson got worked up, it was never because of anything actually harmful. She wasn't used to actually hurting people with her words.

Or apologizing for it.

"I'm really sorry, Seriously. Fuck." She scolded herself.

Jackson continued to stare out the window, "Just stop, you're making it worse."

Silence fell over the both of them as they continued to drive towards the next point on the map. Jackson had pulled it out and opened it up on his lap when they got closer. "Take a left here."

Mira flicked the blinker on and turned where instructed but the heavy lump in her stomach was still weighing down on her.

"I know you said that I should drop it, but I didn't mean to bring up any bad memories. I'm sorry. I'm not really good at picking up on other people's...emotions." Her voice was different than before. It wasn't laced with mock confidence and quick wit. Instead, her voice was shaking in insecurity and vulnerability. "I wouldn't do that on purpose. I'm not…I'm not a bad person."

Jackson said nothing in response and Mira waited until she was stopped at the red light before looking over at Jackson who was fast asleep with his hood pulled over his eyes. It people a lot longer to fall asleep in a moving car so she wasn't sure if he was faking or not, but she partially grateful.

She looked away and ignored the familiar fear curling in her stomach before continuing to drive.

"It wasn't true." She mumbled under her breath, unaware of the man next to her who picked up on every word, "It wasn't true. I didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't my fault. They were lying."

\-----

Jackson and Mira stepped out of the car after a 2 hour drive and stretched as they looked around. Jackson groaned and twisted his torso left and right, wincing at the feeling of his joints popping and his back aching before looking at the map.

"It's this way."

The car couldn't fit down the road so they had to resort to walking. "Is it that?" Mira said while pointing to a small gate that was placed between two bushes on the side of the road.

"Only one way to find out." He said as he shook the gate until the rusted lock cracked apart.

She held onto the card and followed Jackson as they walked through down the narrow trail. The deeper they went, the less it seemed like they were at the right place. There was nothing but tall trees and overgrown bushes with nothing as much as a sign to tell them where they were.

"There's nothing here." She said, disappointed, "We should head back and keep driving, maybe we missed something."

Jackson knit his brows when he heard something and grabbed Mira's arm just as she started to turn away, "Hold on." He stepped towards a bush and pushed branches away, pulling at the leaves it until it revealed a small dirt path.

"After you, Daisy." He said with a smirk before stepping aside to hold the branches open for her. She shot him a look before cautiously following the path. She pushed some of the twigs out of the way before they reached a clearing.

"Oh wow." Mira breathed out as she stared at the crystal blue waterfall shaded by the dark green canopy of leaves. "This is beautiful." It looked untouched, like a treasured secret that no one else in the world knew about. They were secluded from the rest of the city and it was just them and the water, nothing looked more honest and real. As cliche as it sounded, standing on the rocks, staring out into the water and trees trigger a sense of oneness with nature. You couldn't hear anything but the rush of the water and the rustling of the trees in the wind. _This_ was the real world.

Jackson licked his lips, his body suddenly itching to sink into the water and submerge into its depths. He had only ever gone swimming in official pools and maybe a few times at the beach with friends in the summer. The lake was secluded and peaceful, the smell of chlorine was nowhere to be found, it was natural in its purest form.

And he needed to touch it.

He needed to be in that lake, feeling the cold water rush over his muscles, clinging onto him like a second skin.

Without thinking twice, he pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the side before unzipping his pants. He kicked them off and ran his fingers through his hair before turning to face her. His cocky smile shrivelled when he saw Mira lock eyes with him before slowly lifting her shirt and pulling it over her head, leaving her in a simple black silk bra. Her skin looked soft and unmarked and every curve of her sides and span of her legs looked like it was carved meticulously by hand. Her hair tousled over her shoulder as she used her fingers to untangle it.

"Wh-"

"I don't have a bathing suit. What else was I supposed to do? I sure as hell wasn't going to sit by and just watch you have fun." She snorted while tossing it aside.

He just sputtered, his face burning unnaturally red as he looked away. This wasn't exactly the typical setting for him to see a woman stripped down.

"What? You've never seen a girl in her bra? I doubt that." She joked before walking past him. She stood at the edge of the water and pulled her pants down, shimmying them down her thighs before kicking them away the same fashion as him.

She looked over her shoulder with a look in her eyes that was so _fucking_ dark and taunting that he felt his throat swell shut. Her cheeks bloomed red but it wasn't a shy hue, it was one full of adrenaline and confidence. Her lips hitched up as she stared out past the lake and taking a deep breath of the fresh air. His mouth dried into rough sandpaper as his eyes raked over her frame.

It wasn't fair that she was…her.

That was too cruel.

"Don't get so cocky, we're on my turf, remember." He croaked out.

She rolled her eyes and faced forward before dipping her toe in the water, testing the temperature, "I think I can put together the basics of swimming, Poseidon."

Jackson watched her tuck her hair behind her ear as she continued to tip toe around the lake. If he knew one thing about people who were too confident for their own good is that you got to tke risks with people like that.

You call their bluff.

"Then in we go!"

Mira frowned and looked over her shoulder in confusion before letting out a scream when Jackson came hurtling towards her. Before she could dodge, he had his arms around her waist and lifted her up in the air before jumping into the water.

They hit the water with splash and once they started to sink, Jackson let go of Mira to avoid pulling her under and swam to the surface. He pushed his hair off his forehead and basked in the sensation of the crisp water lapping at his skin. He looked around before spotting Mira sputtering a few feet away.

"You ass." She said with a laugh before splashing water at him.

His lips quirked, "Did you expect anything less?"

"I don't know how you do it." She said with and bemused laugh before leaning on her back so she could float.

He paddled gently over to her, still maintaining a distance, "How do I do what?"

"How do you get people to like you?"

He scoffed, "You don't like me. So I can't exactly win _everyone_ over."

"You're Mr. Varsity-Swim-Captain. You've slept with every girl hot enough and somehow you've managed to be charming enough that they don't hate you after you hang them out to dry." She said loudly. "If I don't say hi to the girl I sat with _once_ in lecture, I'm suddenly a mega bitch. How do you do it?"

He didn't falter, "What about you, huh? You're not just the Golden Child because you're smart. You're Miss. Sought-After-Untouchably-Hot. Everyone wants your attention but it seems like no one's interesting enough to keep it." He said with a challenging smirk. He paddled closer to her until he was right next to her, looking down at her, "College boys aren't man enough for you?"

"Implying?"

"Why has the Golden Child stayed single for so long when she could literally just pick any guy on campus and have them worshipping her?"

"Because unlike you, I don't exactly make my conquests so public." She said with a sly smile.

"No shit." Jackson said with a laugh before swimming a little away from her, "You've dated before? This is front page news. Who was the unlucky guy?"

"That is none of your business and it was in first year when I was so wide eyed and hopeful." She said wistfully.

His amused smile fell slightly, "Was it…was it Mark?" Jackson asked while flickering his finger at the water.

Mira stared up at the sky and used her hands to propelled her down the lake, "No. It wasn't. Me and Mark get along well because we never expect more out of each other than friendship. Why do you keep asking? Jealous?"

"He talked about you before. A lot." Jacksons said almost to himself, "He called you Daisy and he talked about you so much I figured he must've felt something more for you especially because he kept wanting me to meet you."

She smiled, running her hand through the water, "No. Never. He's always been my best friend."

"Well that means whoever you were with before must know how not to brag because any other guy would've been out there running their mouth about how you are in bed."

She laughed and turned her head to stare at him, watching the way droplets of water spilled off the ends of his hair and dripped down the contours of his face. "You're right, instead, I leave guys wondering how I _would_ be in bed if they had played their cards a little better."

"Is that supposed to be a jab at me?" He said, leaning closer to her under their faces her much too close, "Consider yourself lucky, Daisy, if we went through with it that night, you're life would never be the same."

She raised her brow before her eyes unknowingly darted to his lips and back, "Bold claims."

Jackson stared at her and for a moment considered how easy it would be to kiss her as she floated beneath him. All he'd need to do is bend his neck and the entire situation between them would change.

But he dodged the bullet once, he wasn't about to walk into the crossfire again.

"Did you scare him away?" He snorted while swimming away from her.

Mira grinned, her feet paddling gently, "You bet."

"Well, he must not have been all that impressive and pretty weak if he didn't even make it passed a year." Jackson mumbled before swimming away.

Mira turned her head to watch him disappear through the water and part of her was glad that he had turned away because then he couldn't see the dumbfounded and incredulous smile on her face when she realized that he had just given her a thickly veiled compliment.

\-----

An hour later when their fingers were pruning and the sun was starting to set, Mira and Jackson finally got out of the water and stood in front of their pile of clothes, dripping in water, while facing a new dilemma.

"Wait here." He muttered before jogging out to the car.

Mira shivered as she fisted her hands, trying not to let her teeth chatter as she picked up her clothes. Going swimming in her bra and underwear was not the smartest idea in retrospect but there was just something about cocky Jackson that just lit a fire under her that demanded she take any challenge he dealt.

"Here." Her mouth parted in a silent gasp when something warm draped over her head. Jackson draped his towel over her head and rubbed it softly against the top of her head before stepping away so that she could take over.

Mira glanced over at him before taking the towel to pat herself dry, "Thanks.

He grunted and looked away while drying himself off.

Mira wrapped the towel around her body and bent to pick up her clothes before spotting Mark's envelope that had been sitting near the edge of the lake. "Shit." She muttered. "I got the envelope all wet." She pushed her wet hair out of the way before opening the envelope and pulling out the card in an attempt to dry it off.

She waved it back in forth when something caught her eyes, "Oh what the fuck?"

"What is it?"Jackson asked while using his fingers to shake out his hair.

Mira held out the card, "I can see something on it. The water must've made the writing appear. Look."

"It's an address." Jackson said with a frown. He handed the note back to her before picking up his clothes, "He's never been this specific before."

She typed the address on her phone and chewed on her lip, "It's a house and it's pretty far away."

"It's getting late and we need to shower." He said while checking his phone for the time. "We need to find somewhere to crash and get proper sleep. We'll figure out what to next in the morning,"

She followed him to the car, "I think I saw a hotel a few miles back."

He gave her a look but she just smiled. 

"Hope you're a cuddler."


	7. Chapter 7

Mira and Jackson walked into a small convenience store next to the small hotel late at night. They were in desperate need for food and nothing else was open.

Jackson grabbed a basket and Mira trailed lazily behind him as they both tossed different things in the basket. She found herself looking at him more and more, it was strangely addicting to see him in this setting where he looked so warm. His hood was pulled over his head as he stared at shelves of chips, deciding what to buy.

He was handsome.

Ridiculously so.

She was more than aware of that and seeing him tower over her while picking up a pack of jerky had her analyzing his features. If it wasn't for his sometimes shitty personality, she could see herself really having a thing for him. "Do you want anything?"

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. I'll be back." She said before walking to an aisle and staring at the shelf.

She spent some time looking and picking some snacks until she caught movement in her peripheral. Mira looked up from the shelf and felt her heart stop when she saw Jackson standing on the other side. He stared at her with the same searing sharp look that had enticed her too many times before. She gulped before looking away and turning to go to the drinks.

Jackson frowned to himself and stared at bag in his hands. Extra cheese. He remembered she ordered extra cheese on her omelette.

"What am I doing?" He muttered to himself while putting the bag back. He didn't need to do her any favours. Shaking his head, he walked down the rows, aimlessly waiting for Mira to finish up until something caught his eyes.

Jackson looked up at the wall where a bulletin board was hung up with different flyers. He paused when he saw a couple of wanted and missing child posters mixed with other notices. He hadn't realized such a small town would still have so much crime.

"Reasoning is what differentiates us from animals but it doesn't mean our choices are any better."

Jackson looked over at Mira who was standing next to him while holding a bottle of soda, "The world is chaos, it always has been, we just notice it more the older we get. Even in small places like this."

"That's a little fucked up, isn't it?" He said while staring at the unfamiliar faces scowling back at him.

He waited for her to spin a breathless string of beautiful words that were laced together with deep philosophical sentiments. Instead, he got something so more simple and raw.

"Yeah…yeah it is."

He looked over at her, a moment of surprise crossing over his features, "Ready to go?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

He stared at her and the way her bangs curled over her eyes before aimlessly reaching out and brushing it out of her gaze. She jerked back and stared at him with wide eyes but he just cleared his throat before taking the soda from her.

"Let's go."

\-----

"Hi there, how can I help you tonight?"

Jackson shifted behind Mira, with their duffle bags slung over their shoulders while holding the bag of snacks. The hotel was small and looked rather empty but it was the only one in the area that didn't involve them driving for hours.

"We'd like a room…for two." She said slowly, her voice faltering as the words came out of her mouth. It sounded a lot more scandalous saying it out loud to a stranger who knew nothing about them.

The boy behind the front desk, not older than 19, did not flinch and just typed into the computer, "Can I get your names?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith."

Silence filled the lobby as the boy lifted his head to stare Mira dead in the eye while she felt herself shrink in mortification.

"Right…" The boy typed their names in and pressed enter before handing them a key. "Have a nice stay…Smiths."

Mira's face burned red as she took the key from him and hurried away. "Smiths, huh? Smooth." Jackson snorted as he fell into step with her. "I personally would've personally gone with Mr. and Mrs. Incredible, but I'm not nearly as quick on my feet as you are."

"Stop." She hissed while shoving him aside but he laughed, relieved to see her finally looking a bit thrown off.

He slipped the key out of her hand when they reached their room and unlocked the door before staring at the interior.

He stared at the single bed and scratched the back of his neck, suddenly feeling his skin squeezing too tight around his body, " So…um…sleeping is uh…"

Her eyes glinted mischievously as she strode into the room, dropping the bag on the floor. "Just take one side of the bed and I'll take the other. Stop making this such a big deal. Have you really never slept in the same bed with a woman without having sex? Are your intimacy issues that bad?"

"I'm the one with the intimacy issues?" He snorted as she took a seat on the corner of the bed. He closed the door and tossed his own bag aside before climbing on the bed and crossing his legs. "You're the one with her walls up so high that no one can see over it."

She just smiled to humour him and took the bag of snacks from him before opening a pack of candies. He snatched up a bag of his own before leaning his back against the pillows and opening the chips. "So, why aren't you spending the break with your parents? Shouldn't join them on their sabbatical?"

"I like the peace of mind." She answered simply while shifting closer to him while unwrapping a piece of candy. "I love my parents but I'm so busy during the school year I like time to decompress. Plus, they're visiting relatives and I don't really get along with them."

She tilted her head and nudged her knee against his, "What about you?"

"Same more or less. Thought it would be a good time to get in some extra practice. I was going to visit her near the end of the break." He said while tossing a chip into his mouth.

"You want to go to compete in the Olympics one day?" She asked while moving right next to him.

He rolled his head over to look at her, "Maybe, but I doubt it. I haven't really been training hard enough for the Olympics. I kinda swim for fun and it's something I'm good at. That's why I'm minoring in Philosophy."

Her eyes widened, "No shit. I didn't know you were a minor. Is that why you were so smooth with the pickup line?"

"Nah." He said jokingly, "If you checked my phone, you would see all my searches for _philosophical quotes about sex_."

She laughed and bit into another piece of candy, "I have to admit, you sold me with that line."

"Yeah?" He said with a light chuckle. "I'll keep that in mind."

It was like she could see him unwinding in front of her, "But if you use it on another girl I might get jealous."

"Can you imagine? What an honor, that _I_ , humble Jackson Wang, could get the magnificent Kang Mira to feel jealous." He teased.

And that's how the night went.

"I swear Mrs. Kim hated me. She'd just glare at me in lecture and one time she read my essay out loud just to tear it to shreds."

"One time a TA asked me out and I had to pretend that I had a rule where I would only date the man I was going to marry just so I didn't have to reject him and fail me."

"There was this girl who literally stalked me for two months after we hooked up. She would come to all my classes and wait outside my residence building."

"I wrote an exam hungover and I aced it even though I don't remember writing any of it."

"I wrote an exam drenching wet and smelling like chlorine because I had to run from a competition to an exam."

"It's true, I kicked the kid in the balls but he ended up being kinda nice and nervous so I felt bad and drove him to the ER."

"I accidentally said the wrong girl's name in bed."

Mira gasped and shoved at Jackson's chest, their snacks long abandoned. 'You did not!"

"I felt so fucking bad." He said while covering his face in embarrassment. "I think she pretended not to hear but she left my place so fast I knew she heard. I really felt like a piece of shit. She wouldn't make eye contact with me whenever we ran into each other."

Her head was pressed against his head while laughing so hard that tears were pricking in the back of her eyes. "Oh god. How could you?"

"I don't know!" The end of his sentence broke off into a laugh. "I don't even know what name I said. I was just really tired and out of it."

"You're awful." She said between laughs, her head stilled tucked into his shoulder.

He shook his head, "I swear I never made a mistake like that ever again. I even bought her coffee because I felt so bad but she told me she didn't want to see me again."

"It keeps getting worse!" She squealed.

He rolled his eyes jokingly as Mira pulled away from him. "At least you tried to make it up to her."

"Your optimism is astounding." He snorted before checking the time, "Oh shit. It's almost 3. I'm going to shower. We need to sleep."

She nodded and moved away as he stood up and winced while stretching his arms over his head. He pulled his phone out of his pocket before something else fell out. He bent down and picked up the compass before staring at it.

"What is this compass even for?" Jackson muttered while staring at the brass accessory. "We haven't even used it yet."

Mira rolled her neck before shrugging, "We've reached a point where we shouldn't even bother trying to figure him out. We'll figure it out when we need to."

Jackson rubbed his eyes and just tossed the compass into his bag before grabbing his towel and entering the bathroom. Mira smiled slightly, comforted by the idea that it seemed like her and Jackson were becoming more civilized with each other. They could hold a conversation with each other without spitting venom. He was a pleasant person to talk to and not nearly a douche as he appeared although it was still evident in some of his anecdotes. 

Mira stood from the bed and walked over to her bag, got on her knees, and shifted through her duffle bag, looking through her belongings before pulling out a small bottle of prescription pills. She was about to open it up when her eyes caught the expiration date.

"Fuck." She breathed out while slouching over. She had been meaning to throw the bottle out but she kept forgetting. She must've grabbed the wrong bottle off her desk when she was packing a rush. This wasn't good. She didn't know how long this whole trip was going to take and without her pills, she'd be a mess.

"Hey."

Mira snapped her head towards the bathroom where Jackson was standing, staring at her with a towel wrapped around his waist. His eyes glanced at the bottle in her hand and she quickly shoved her hand into the depths of her bag, hiding the pills from sight.

"Y-Yeah?" She croaked out before clearing her throat. "What?"

"I'm done. You can shower." He said while stepping into the room.

Mira gulped and nodded before picking up her bag and standing up. "Thanks." She mumbled before rushing into the bathroom and slamming the door shut behind her. Jackson blinked in surprise before glancing over his shoulder at the door.

"What the hell was that about?"

\-----

Mira spent an hour showering, letting her thoughts run wild until she was scrubbed clean. She was a slight a bit apprehensive about Mark's little game and further they drove from campus, the more unsettled she would get. Having Jackson around made her feel more at ease, knowing someone else was joining her. She could at least rely on Mark's texts and trust that he wasn't going to send them to another country or waste their time on a wild goose chase. 

It was evident he was trying to push her out of her comfort zone and although she appreciated the effort, it left her nervous and she didn't like the way that felt.

She opened the door and peeked out to see the lights turned off and Jackson passed out under the blankets with an empty space next to him, assumingly for her. Mira sighed and set her bag down and walked over to her side of the bed before crouching down to the floor while her knees pulled up to her chest. Mira rested her head on the tops of her knees and sat quietly, counting her breaths while trying to force her mind to shut down and convince her mind to relax. But it wasn't working.

She jumped and nearly yelped when her phone buzzed loudly against the wooden floor. She lifted it up and stared at the caller ID, nearly doing a double take when she saw the name. She looked over her shoulder, making sure Jackson was still asleep and crawled to the furthest corner of the room before answering the call.

"Hello?" She rasped, her heart sinking. She thought she put this whole thing behind her, she thought all the heartbreak and anger was out of her system.

Silence filled the other end until he responded, "Hey."

"Why are you calling?" She muttered, trying to keep her composure.

He sighed, "I don't know. I'm on vacation and I'm a little tipsy."

She scoffed and stared at the hole in her knee, "I haven't spoken to you in 3 years. I'm not the person you call when you're drunk."

"My mom said something that reminded me of you." He said mumbled.

She frowned in irritation, "Someone brought up something that got me thinking about you too."

"Yeah? And what's that?" He asked. 

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Tell anyone what?"

"That we dated for 5 months. That we slept together. That you had a piece of the Golden Child." She asked bitterly.

He grunted, "If we had a fling, I probably would've but we had a relationship and that's too messy to explain. I talk about you, I just don't tell people that the 'she' was really 'you'. They just know you as the girl who stabbed a switch blade through my hand when I called her _self_ - _destructive_ and _toxic_ but don't worry, they just think we were in a heated debate during sex."

"I still don't get it." She said while rubbing her eyes, glazing over his bullshit, "Why did you have to end it like that? So suddenly."

He snorted, "You told me you loved me."

"So that's it?" She barked quietly. "You ran off because I had real feelings for you after seeing each other and sleeping with each other for 5 months?"

"No." He said seriously, "You scared me."

"Let me guess, commitment scared you? Can you be a more pathetic cliche?"

He laughed dryly, "No. It wasn't the commitment that scared me. It was you. You're bitter and dark. You're so caught up in your own head and whatever fucked up demons you have in there and it's too much to deal with. And it doesn't help that you never let anyone in. At face value, you seem simple and fun but the more I got to know you the more I realized that you're this dark pit of despair that's so self-loathing that you take down everyone around you and pull them into your black hole."

"And I'm guessing your psychiatrist mother brought self-destruction up and you immediately thought of little old me." She growled. "Aww boo hoo, you couldn't handle someone having baggage that you just ran with your dick between your legs. Well, guess what? I'm through with you. I've had plenty of time to move on from you."

He chuckled and she could almost see him shaking his head, "You're not good enough for the world to be _too good_ for the world, Mira."

"Fuck you." She hissed. "You called me in the middle of the night just to insult me?"

He hummed light-heartedly with no real sentiment behind his tone, "I told you, I was thinking about you."

"After three years of pretending we don't exist to each other, you call me up a few days after you see me go into a room with your best friend." She glanced up and stared at Jackson's sleeping figure. "Bullshit you were _just thinking about me."_

"You're right, Mira." His voice darkened. "It has everything to do with Jackson. I don't care enough about you to be upset if you hook up with my friends but Jackson is better than you. You're toxic and dark and I don't want you near him. Jackson is a good guy and he doesn't deserve your shit. I never thought much of it at first, maybe because I was drunk but the thought of you two on campus together started to worry me. He doesn't say no to a challenge and I didn't want to see him running back to you. I didn't want you to get your claws in him and drag him down. He actually has a healthy future ahead of him."

She fisted her hand and looked away, "Go to hell."

"I'm sorry, Mira." He said in resignation. She could hear the regret in his voice, probably wishing he had never called in the first place. She tended to bring out the worst in people.

He was the first person who she had ever loved and everything about him, she hated. She hated that he never felt bad for leaving her or breaking her heart, that he acted like they never happened, that she saw him with another girl the day after they broke up and that there was nothing he did that she actually had the right to hate him for. He was right. About everything.

She hadn't changed at all.

She was still destructive.

"Yeah, I know, but that doesn't change things, Jaebum."

\-----

"You're up." Jackson groaned as he stretched his limbs out when he woke up the next morning.

Mira hummed while walking across the room while tying her hair up, she had changed her clothes and threw her old clothes in her duffle before zipping it up. "I did some research, the address is about 3 and a half hours away and traffic is bad, we should hurry and get an early start."

He winced when she pulled open the curtains and tried to make a sound of agreement but a yawn had cut him off, "Alright." He said huskily, "Just give me a second."

"I'll be waiting by the car." She said before walking out of the door with her bag in tow.

He blinked at the door and ran his hand through his hair before rolling out of bed, "What the hell is going on?"

\-----

Jackson walked out of the lobby having learned that Mira had paid for the room herself and found her leaning against the car with her sunglasses on.

"I thought we were going to split the room." He said as he walked over her.

She shrugged and held her hand out, "I'm guessing we're going to be staying at more hotels in the future, you can cover the bill next. Now give me your keys."

"Fuck that." He said with a laugh while unlocking the back door to throw both their bags on the seats. "I just had the best sleep of my life, I don't need you to drive."

She pouted and watched him stride over to his side of the car before he looking up at the sky. After contemplating, he pressed a button on his key and they watched as the roof of the car started to retract.

"Let's go."

She huffed and got in just as Jackson pulled the car out of the parking lot and merged onto the road. "I just think that at this point we've established a level of trust where I can drive even when you're not tired."

"It's still my car, doll."

Mira paused for half a second at the pet name, bewildered by his sudden easy going attitude before snapping back, "But it's not like I'm a bad driver. I'm so responsible and you let me drive it once so I hardly think it's that difficult to let me do it again."

"I don't think so." He said bluntly.

"Just let me drive." She whined. "It's so boring to just sit here and watch you drive."

His lips quirked as he glanced at her, "You want to drive? Fine!"

He let go of the wheel and placed his hands over his eyes. Mira shrieked and leaned over the seat divider and stretched across Jackson's lap to grab onto the wheel and steer them back into their lane.

"I didn't mean like this!" She yelled while he laughed, "I thought you had a thing against dangerous driving!"

He laughed and leaned his head back with his eyes still covered, "You said that we established trust!"

After hearing her struggle for a bit longer, he took over the wheel again with a smile as she glared at him from her seat. She crossed her arms and stared out the window in frustration until a light bulb flickered over her head.

She unbuckled her belt and turned to the backseat and unzipped Jackson's duffle bag.

"What are you doing?" Jackson asked with a frown while looking over his shoulder to try to see what she was looking for.

She sat back down and held up a pair of boxers with their school's mascot right over the crotch, "These are cute, aren't they?"

"What are you doing with my underwear? Put that back!" He said while trying to grab it out of her hands but she held it up over her head with one hand.

She smirked and tilted her head, "You don't need these, right? They're cute but tacky." She let go of the boxers and let them fly out of the car.

"What the fuck!" He yelled while looking at the road, trying to steer.

"What about this?" She said while holding up a white t-shirt. "Looks easy to replace."

Jackson tried to grab at her but she just let the shirt go and let the wind take it. He quickly pulled over the side of the road and turned slowly to face her but before he could say anything, she flung the door open and ran out while holding another one of his boxers up.

"Hey!" He yelled while running after her. She laughed while picking up the shirt and boxers that she had thrown out earlier before continuing to run.

Her efforts were futile because he already grabbed her by the waist and lifted her up over his head. Mira screamed while laughing and thrashed her legs around. Jackson couldn't fight off his smile and set her down before grabbing his clothes back.

"You're a fucking troublemaker aren't you?"

She grinned, "I'll take that as a yes."

"A yes for what?" He asked in confusion.

She slid up to him and wiggled her brows, "A yes to letting me drive."

He stared at her at a loss, "I don't get much of a choice, do I?"

"Nope." She snickered."I'll empty your entire bag out before we're even a third of the way there."

He sighed and turned away, making her smile, "Only for an hour."

"You're warming up to me, aren't you?"

"Only for an hour."


	8. Chapter 8

"You don't care about other people, do you?"

Mira blinked at Jackson's sudden harshness and looked over at him from the driver's seat, "Ouch."

"No, I didn't exactly mean it as a bad thing. It's just, I noticed that you don't bother yourself with other people and trying to make friends." He said in a haste.

She pursed her lips, "Why are you bringing this up?"

"I'm bored and you're making him sit next to you while you're driving." He whined.

She shrugged, "Life is short. I can either waste my life making friends with people I don't care for or I can just save everyone time and stay close to the people who treat me well. When I'm on my deathbed I'm not going to be thinking of all the people I was fake kind to."

He shifted uncomfortably as images of the bottle of pills came to mind, "You're not…dying, are you?"

"No." She said with a laugh, "But sometimes I wish I was. No one hates you when you're going to die."

Jackson snorted, "No one hates you, everyone loves you."

"You're not serious, right? If people love you, it means that there are people who hate you just as much." She said with a laugh. Jackson watched her hold her hand out of the car with the other one on the wheel and do the airplane thing with her hand, letting the air slid through her fingers.

The car suddenly started sputtering, the sound of churning metal filling the car as it started to slow down.

"What's happening?" Mira asked as the car jerked to a stop as clouds of smoke billowed from under the hood. She turning the key but nothing changed, the car just made more sickening sounds before it shut off again.

Jackson blinked rapidly while looking around, "Fuck. I think the engine's blown."

"Annndd now it's raining." Mira said as a drop of rain hit her on the cheek.

Before Jackson could close the hood, a cloud clap of thunder cracked through the sky before torrential rain poured down on them. Mira let out a yelp and covered her head as Jackson hurried to pull the hood up over the car.

"We need to call a tow truck." Jackson sighed while pulling his phone out.

Mira frowned while staring out the window at the rain, "In this weather? It's going to take forever."

Jackson mumbled into his phone, giving directions before hanging up, "They say it'll take a few hours. It's far away and they have other calls. So fuck me."

"Are we just going to wait in here?" She asked.

He looked at the map on his phone, "There's a bar a few minutes away." He looked over at her and quirked his brow, "How fast can you run?"

\-----

Mira and Jackson ran into the bar, stumbling over their feet as they finally made it somewhere dry.

"Oh my god."Jackson panted while shaking the water off his sweater, "That was insane."

Mira pushed her hood down and tugged on her hair that somehow still managed to get wet, "At least we're dry now."

"At least I look good wet." Jackson joked.

Mira laughed and looked over at him. His tan skin looked dewy and warm under the soft lighting and the dampness in his hair allowed him to push it off his forehead, making him look more sexy than boyish. "Huh, you're right."

"You sound surprised." He said cockily. "Let's make a deal, yeah?" He said while surveying the bar.

She raised her brows in intrigue, "Go on."

"I do my thing and you do yours, we'll meet up when the tow truck gets here." He suggested.

Mira looked up at him and grinned when she saw his eyes land on a woman sitting at a booth, "Play on player."

"Shut the fuck up." He said with a snort and nudged her shoulder playfully before walking away.

Mira ran her finger through her damp hair and scanned the bar. It was a nice place, not too high end but not too run down either. Music played in the background but it was drowned out but everyone's voices as they chatted with one another.

Humming a soft tune to herself, she watched Jackson stand in front of a gorgeously elegant woman and exchange a few words before she smiled and moved over for him to join her. He slid into next to her and rested his arm on the back of her seat.

"Guy's got game." Mira mused before taking a seat at the bar where the crowd wasn't as thick. "Just a beer. Whatever you have on tap."

The bartender nodded and turned away, leaving her to scan the shelves.

Jackson glanced up mid-story, checking on Mira and found her sitting by the bar, occupied, before looking over at the woman he was with.

"You're wet."

Mira blinked and glanced over her shoulder where a guy maybe a few years older than stood, staring at her with a drink in his hands. She stared at him blankly before pointing at her, "'Your clothes I mean."

"Oh…yeah. The rain." Mira said half-heartedly before turning to face the bar again. She wasn't in the mood to interact with a stranger much less a guy who looked like he was about to bust his pants just by staring at her.

Jackson looked up again in the middle of his new lady friend's story and blinked when he saw a man approaching her with a drink in hand. He said something to her and she looked at him, responded and looked away but the guy stayed and stared at her before getting into the seat next to her.

"Funny, right?"

He flinched and looked over at the beautiful woman next to him who had a look in her eye that said that she _knew_ he was distracted and barely paying attention.

"Y-Yeah, hilarious."

The girl's face fell and her brow raised in annoyance, "That's weird because I just told you about how I came out to drink alone because I fought with my roommate. Don't really know how that was funny."

"Shit. I'm sorry it's just that my friend is here and I'm just worried about them." He said sweetly.

The girl cooed while touching his arm, "That's so sweet. I'm sure he's fine."

"Can I buy you a drink?"

Mira bit back a sigh and looked over at the guy who had taken a seat beside her before lifting up her beer, "I'm good, thanks though."

"How about I buy your next one?" He prompted.

She licked her lips and plastered on a fake smile, "I'm not drinking a lot tonight."

"Come on. A beautiful woman like yourself should enjoy her nights." He said tackily. Mira didn't even bother validating him with a response and just turned her body away from him.

Jackson looked up once more and frowned when he picked up Mira's body language, turned away, with her arms crossed, looking away while the guy kept talking. She wasn't interested and she wanted an out, but she was a big girl, she could handle herself.

"Are you from around here? I'm by this bar a lot but I don't think I've seen you around." The woman mentioned.

Jackson looked back at her and processed her question before shaking her head, "Just passing by."

"What are you doing alone at a bar in the rain anyways?" The guy said excitedly.

Mira sighed and closed her eyes in resentment. She looked up at the bartender who just gave her a helpless shrug.

"Car broke down." She said curtly, praying he'd just get the message and leave her alone.

 _One last time_ , Jackson promised himself. He'd look over at her one last time just to make sure she was alright and then he'd forget about her for the rest of the night. He turned his head and froze when he saw the man's hand on Mira's thigh. He glanced at her face and saw her scoffed and try to shift away but the guy's grip was too strong.

"Um…excuse me?"

He snapped his head to the woman next to him who was tapping her nails against the table in irritation. "Is something wrong?"

"You came up to me and introduced yourself first and now you're barely paying attention to anything I'm saying. Don't waste my time if you'd rather be doing something else." She said coldly.

Jackson opened his mouth and glanced at Mira before sighing, "I know. It's just…give me one minute, I need to deal with something and then I promise you'll have my undivided attention."

Before she could reply, he slid out of the booth and picked up his bottle of beer before swiping another one off the bar counter. He rolled his neck and strode over to Mira and her new friend.

"Hey babe I got your drin--" He looked at the man's hand on her thigh and knit his brows in fake anger, "Are you fucking serious?"

Mira snapped her head at Jackson, bewildered at his sudden appearance and looked over his shoulder at the woman he was with moments ago who was now looking bored out of her mind. Mira blinked at him in shock, "What are you talk--"

"I leave for five fucking minutes and you're already flirting with another guy? Again? How could you do this to me after the last time? You just can't help yourself, can you?"

Her mouth gaped like a fish struggling to breathe, "W-What?"

"I thought you said you'd never do this to me again. That I could trust you. You said that you loved me and you promised not to mess around. How could you?" He said dramatically while flailing his arms around, sloshing the bottles of beer. "You have a fucking problem, Mira. You can't stay loyal no matter how hard you try. You'll fuck anything with a dick, won't you?"

She was beyond dazed and for once, a slick comment didn't leave her mouth. she was utterly lost at his sudden outburst. Why was he calling her babe? When did she ever say she loved him? When did she make him promises? What the hell was he talking about? "I don't understand."

Jackson scoffed and slammed the drinks down on the table, "Really? You're playing dumb? Even after I gave you a second chance when I swore I would never? I can't believe this. You know what? Fine. We're done. I gave you a second chance because I thought what we had was real. I thought I could learn to trust you again but I guess not. After 6 years of dating you, I'm through."

He looked up at the guy who looked flustered and gave him a weak smile, "Go for it man. Best of luck." He said before turning away.

Mira was in a stunned silence as he wove through the crowd and disappeared amongst the throngs of people. She turned back to the man and scratched her head, "Uh…sorry about that bu--"

"Actually," The guy said while standing up. "Your boyfriend seems to really care about you and loves you. I don't know what went on between you two before and if you really did cheat on him but I feel bad that he broke up with you when it was my fault, not yours. I think you should go over there and talk to him."

She stared at the man before the realization dawned on her. She finally understood what Jackson was doing. Sly bastard.

She sighed wistfully, "Yeah, I guess you're right, but it looks like he doesn't want to hear my excuses."

"I could go over there and talk to him for you, you know, clear the air." He said enthusiastically.

She fought back her smile and shook her head, "Don't worry about it, I got it under control."

The man nodded and shook his fist. "True love always prevails."

She raised her brows and nodded in amusement, "Amen brother."

She stood up and lifted her bottle to him in a salute and turned to walk to Jackson who was sitting at the booth he was previously sitting in, except this time his lady friend was nowhere to be found. She slipped into the seat beside him just as a waiter set a glass of beer down in front of him.

"Hey there, boyfriend. I'm ready to talk about my commitment issues and apparent infidelity."

Jackson continued staring forward but his lips were upturned in a smile when he tilted his beer to his mouth. "I'm guessing it worked?"

"Yeah but you know, most guys would try to pretend to be the protective boyfriend, trying to scare off men who are making his beautiful girlfriend upset." She muttered while taking a sip.

He chuckled wiped some of the condensation off the bottle with his thumb, "Yeah but this way I get to embarrass and confuse you too."

She snorted, "You sure did that." Maybe a little tipsy, she laughed and rested her head on his arm, and maybe a little buzzed, he let her. She turned her head and pressed her face against his arm when the man caught her eyes and pointed to Jackson with uncertainty in his eyes. Mira grinned and shot him a thumbs up. The man pumped his fist in the air, clearly rooting for them before walking out the door.

"Where's the girl you were with?" She asked him.

Jackson chuckled and took a sip of his drink, "I think she got tired of waiting for me to give her proper attention and left."

"Oh, I'm sorry." She said honestly.

He shook his head with a shrug, "Had nothing to do with you. We weren't really clicking anyways."

"Still…" She trailed off.

Jackson grunted noncommittally and stretched his arm behind Mira's head, resting against the booth. A calming silence fell over the both of them as they took in the ambience of the bar, people watching while nursing their drinks.

Mira shifted in her seat and tilted her body so that she was leaning fully against Jackson with her head against his shoulder. She watched a group of friends meet up with each other and cheer, probably celebrating a promotion of some sort. Jackson was staring at a couple that was fighting, he couldn't make out their words but the girl was yelling and the guy looked like he was about to cry.

It was so strange being in one building and have such a wide spectrum of emotions and experiences happening simultaneously. In one room people were celebrating the best moment of someone's life and in the same room, people were dealing with one of the hardest things.

Pain and happiness.

Joy and hurt.

Memories and erasure.

All bundled up in a gift wrapped in alcohol and tied up with bow made of an impending hangover and total regret.

Music started to drift louder through the speakers and people were starting to dance after the waiters pushed some of the tables out of the way to create a makeshift dance floor. The group celebrating the promotion were the first on the floor, jumping up and down while screaming in excitement. Seeing them, the boyfriend coaxed his girlfriend who was still upset onto the dance floor, holding her close when she finally agreed.

When the night ended, the couple will go home, kiss, make promises that they will end up breaking and fighting over later before falling asleep, holding each other only to let go before they wake up. They fought but in this one dance, they'll pretend the problem isn't there and that they don't need to look at the long-term picture of their relationship. They were merely 3 arguments from ending their relationship and walking away from each other. They will hide the cracks with pretty paintings and when the cracks finally break them, they will still ask themselves _what went wrong?"_

And when the group of friends call it a night, they'll all go their separate ways and the euphoria rubs off for everyone but the person they were celebrating for. They'll go to their own homes and wonder what they are doing with their own lives. Wondering why they haven't gotten a promotion themselves. They'll start getting bitter and jealous and the alcohol will wear off and make them feel even worse. But they'll never tell anyone how they feel, they'll be passive aggressive, they'll fake their support but in reality, the envy will grow until they grow apart. They'll drift away from each other until the only thing remaining in their friendship is early birthday messages that never grow into anything more.

It the fleeting and seemed like a minuscule moment but in the long run, it was the catalyst that would break the relationships apart.

"Do you want to dance?" Jackson asked abruptly.

Mira blinked rapidly before turning her head to look at him, not realizing how close to him she had gotten. "Sure." She didn't know why she hadn't laughed him off with a teasing joke. She had felt strangely melancholic.

She stood awkwardly and watched Jackson slide out of the booth before taking her hand and pulling her to the center of the floor. She let him hold her waist and he let her drape her arms around his shoulders and they danced. Mira spotted a slowly dancing, hugging each other tightly and she smiled, seeing how sweet they looked, probably coming out on a date and thoroughly in love. Jackson spotted a group of friends where one in specific looked miserable and he wondered if they had gotten in a fight with another one of their friends.

_"You're self-destructive and toxic."_

Mira closed her eyes and rested her head on Jackson's shoulder, her nails digging into his shoulders. He leaned back and she jerked her head back with a sheepish look but he just stared at her, his eyes flickering between hers. His tongue swept across his lip and her eyes locked in on them, watching the way they gleamed under the light. Jackson gulped and drew her in and dipped his head the slightest so that their lips lingered right by each other.

And just as he lost half his mind, half his rationality and half his resolve and kissed her, his phone buzzed. The pair immediately stepped away from each other, like they were shocked sober. He pulled his phone out and plugged his ear while answering it. He yelled at the person over the music before hanging up.

"The tow truck is here." He said in her ear, "They said they can give us a rental car. We can pick my car up when we drive back down back to my house."

"Let's pick up the car and find a motel." She said back, "It's getting late."

He nodded and placed a hand on her lower back, "Let's go."

And then there was the pair that did not belong in that bar, in that town and with each other. When the night ended for them, they will get in a car and continue to drive until they find their friend waiting for them. Things will change for them and their vision and perspective of the world will be altered. It is possible that they will become more cynical but it's also possible that they'll start living the lives that they've always secretly wanted to. It depends on them. What they don't realize is the letter they were given by their friend was a catalyst, it triggered a chain of events that landed them in the places they need to be in the most at that very moment in time. Everything has its reasons, even the most mundane things.

But for that night, he'll unknowingly crawl into a dangerously real part of her life and just as unknowingly, she will welcome him in and ask him to stay.


	9. Chapter 9

Dreams are only dreams when they don't come true.

\-----

It was a motel in the middle or somewhere and nowhere.

This time Mira checked in under their real names and punched Jackson in the shoulder when he laughed.

"What about Gwen Stacey and Spiderman--wait, what's his real name?"

Mira laughed as she laid next to Jackson in the dark with her fingers laced over her stomach, "Peter Parker and it was one time. I'm not going to start using superhero names every time we need to sign in somewhere."

"I have to admit, it's cute. I've never seen you so panicked." He chuckled with his hand tucked under his head.

She raised her brow, "Cute, huh? You're really falling for me, huh?"

"I heard a rumour that philosophy majors are supposed to be crazy." He quipped.

She laughed, "Oh yeah, that's true. We're also super unhealthy to be around."

"You're starting to sound like one of my friends." Jackson said humorously.

Mira's smile fell into an impassive straight line, "Friend."

"Jaebum. He has this thing against philosophy majors. He told me never to date one." Jackson said lightly.

Mira twisted her thumb around the hem of her shirt, "Would you? You know, date one?"

"I don't buy his bullshit. If I like someone, I'll date them." He said simply.

She sighed and rolled on her side to look at him, "Maybe Jaebum has a point, there are some people you should just stay away from."

"I'll make that decision on my own, but I have plenty of time before I need to deal with that." He bemused, "What about you?"

"I like the concept of finding someone who likes you for all the ugly sides but I don't know if I can do something like that." She replied thoughtfully, "Telling someone who you care about all the things about you that would make them not love you is terrifying."

Jackson shrugged, "You're really underestimating that person. Love is supposed to be selfish, right?"

"So is pain."

\-----

Jackson winced and groaned as he stretched his arms over his head before peeling his eyes open. He rolled over and picked up his phone to check the time.

3:34 AM

He let out another groggy groan, letting his muscles pop before looking over his shoulder where Mira had laid next to him just a few hours ago. He blinked and sat up before smoothing his palm over the empty next to him.

She was gone.

He looked around the room and didn't find her anywhere. Frowning, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and pushed the thin blankets off his body and got out of bed before putting his sweater on. He shoved his shoes on and stepped out the door to find her sitting on a chair next to the door, wrapped up in a blanket while staring out at the rain.

"What are you doing?" He rasped while pulling his hood over his hair.

She flinched before looking over at him, Jackson's brows furrowed as he stared at her face, there was something different about the way she looked. "Couldn't really sleep."

Instead of replying, he continued to stare at her face, he noticed for the first time that with her makeup off, the purplish bags under her eyes stood out and the rims around her irises were bloodshot and tired. Her skin was ashy grey and her entire body was curled up weakly. "Have you slept at all since we started driving?"

"Of course, I have."

He narrowed his eyes, "Really? Because I woke you up in the middle of the night and I haven't seen you actually fall asleep since then. You drove when I got tired and the first night we spent at the hotel, I fe;l asleep before you finished showering and woke up to you already dressed and ready to go."

"You're perceptive." She mused.

He tilted his head, "How are you even operating on that little sleep?"

"Sleep is not an easy concept for me." She said with a dry laugh before looking back out at the parking lot."And I barely function properly, that's why I'm so bad with my social interactions and maintaining a proper train of thought."

Jackson sat down next to her, "We're doing this together. You're going to have to be honest with me and come clean. I can't have you passing out from exhaustion in the middle of this. You're going to have to trust me because you really don't have much else of a choice."

She stared at him and stared into his eyes, dark, warm, difficult to read, "I'm a clinically diagnosed insomniac."

"O-Oh." He said awkwardly as she tilted her head back.

"It comes with the social anxiety. It's an infinite loop, the lack of sleep increases anxiety which makes it harder for me to sleep." She sighed, "Started when I was like 10."

"Why? Most kids don't develop anxiety and insomnia that early."

Mira stared at Jackson for a few seconds before looking away without answering.

Unnerved, he changed the subject, "But you seemed fine at the party with all those people."

"Yeah because I know how to fake it after all these years but the entire time I was reciting my study notes so I could take my mind off the crowd and the people staring at me and judging me. Big crowds and people I don't know staring at me is the worst." She mumbled soullessly.

"People stare at you wherever you go on campus all the time."

"I know. Life sucks for me." She said with a bitter laugh.

"I didn't realize." He said softly.

She chewed on her bottom lip, "No one does because no one ever looks at you long enough to realize that there is something wrong with you."

He slipped his hands into his pockets and slouched forward, "Is that what the pills are for?"

"They're sleeping pills but they're expired." She said ruefully. "So I'm wide awake no matter how tired my body is."

He nodded, processing the information, she was Miss.Perfect. Perfect people didn't have imperfect problems, "Does this happen a lot?"

She shrugged, "Sometimes. Usually when I'm stressed or have bad memories or just can't sleep."

"And are you? Stressed I mean?" He worded out carefully.

She hugged her knees, "Sort of."

"Do you normally sleep alone?" He blurted out.

She looked up at him with an amused look. "Usually yes. I live alone for a reason. I barely get any sleep and the few times I manage to shut my brain off, I'd rather not be woken up by loud roommates. And in cases where I'm at someone else's house, I'm out the door before breakfast."

He chewed his lip before sitting up in conviction, "So, why don't you trying it with someone?"

"Are you joking?" She snorted. There was a reason she never actually slept next to Jackson through the whole trip. She couldn't fall asleep when her mind was hyper aware of the person next to her, focusing on the sound of their breathing, the heat from their body, the sound of them shifting on the mattress, it was all over stimulating. She had never successfully fallen asleep next to someone. "That just makes it worse. My mind won't shut off."

"I think it depends on the person. Come on, come sleep with me." He said while standing up.

It was strange hearing those words out of his mouth laced with context that wasn't sexual at all. She looked at him incredulously and scoffed, "I'm not going to do that, Jackson."

"Are you intimacy issues that bad?" He taunted with a smirk, "Or are you worried that if you sleep so close to me that you won't be able to control yourself?"

She narrowed his eyes and Jackson's smile faltered when he could see the hollowness of her face and the veins prominent under her eyes, Under the harsh glow of the neon lights, the mystical façade of Kang Mira was gone. She wasn't the intimidating, witted Golden Child that could never do wrong.

She was human.

And it was terrifying.

"Alright." She relented, much to his surprise, before standing up with the blanket still tightly wrapped around her. She padded past him and into the room with him trailing behind her.

They climbed into bed together and sat there awkwardly, unsure what to do before Jackson timidly wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her towards him. Tucking herself against him, she softened against him, loosening her muscles so she could get comfortable.

He had a different warmth to him, it wasn’t like being wrapped in a blanket or sitting next to a fire. It was different. It felt human. Feeling his chest rise and fall against her cheek and the sound of his steady breaths mixed with the radiating heat of his body was entrancing. He was sturdy and firm, no excessive tossing and turning, no overheated body, no loud breathing, he was just a presence next to her.

"It’s not working." She muttered as they laid together.

"Just shut up." He grumbled into her hair. "I'm trying here."

She sighed and reluctantly stayed in his hold, allowing him to pull her closer to him. Her leg gradually slid over his hip and slipped between both of his and her arm cautiously crept around his torso. 

His fingers started tracing down her back and the sudden sensation made her shiver violently. His chest started to vibrate against her ear and it dawned on her that he was laughing gruffly at how sensitive she was. Her lips quirked up as she focused on his fingers and the way they moved against the thin fabric of her shirt.

She gripped his sweater and felt her eyes get heavy as she memorized the feeling of his fingers and tried to make out the words he was spelling on her back just as her lids gave way and she fell unconscious on top of him.

**\-----**

Jackson woke up with a start the next morning and found Mira sitting on the end of the bed scrolling on her phone boredly instead of curled up timidly in his arms with her legs clamped around his waist.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" He asked tiredly while rubbing his eyes.

She peeked at him over her shoulder and put her phone away before giving him a sheepish smile. "I can't be fixed that easily, Jackson. But I got a good hour that I wouldn't have gotten otherwise. So that's something."

With her face made up, no one could tell the story behind her eyes and was hidden behind her skin.

"Thanks." She said softly with her eyes downcast, "Thanks for trying and…you…caring."

His lips twitched before he slid out of bed, "You don't need to be fixed, Mira, because that would mean you were broken."

She smiled crookedly and looked at her phone, "Mark texted me."

"What'd he say?' Jackson asked while grabbing his towel and toothbrush.

She frowned and stared at the message, "He sent us the name of the motel we're staying at and the number 34E."

"How the hell does he know where we're staying?" Jackson asked with a scowl.

She sighed and flopped backwards, "Fuck if I know. He's omnipresent."

He chuckled and walked over to her and boldly cupped her cheek, tilting her face up, "You're feeling better? Even a little?"

"It helped a bit. It's a start but you can't get rid of a problem without uprooting and throwing away the base problem."

He brushed his thumb against her skin and his lips quirked up, "Like you said, it's a start and that's all anyone needs."

\-----

Jackson and Mira walked up to room 34E after checking out and looked around.

Mira wiggled the door knob and frowned, "It's locked. Were we suppose to check into this room last night?"

"Shit. Do we have to go rent this room now too? He's running me dry over here." Jackson grumbled before turning to the front office.

"Wait…" Mira trailed off while walking off the platform to the parking lot that was made of sand. She stood in front of room 34E and looked around the floor until something caught her eye. She knelt down in front of something that was poking out. She brushed the sand off before pulling out a heavy tin can of cookies. Jackson walked over to her and crouch down next to her and watched her as she opened it up.

"Holy fuck." She blurted out when she saw what was inside.

"There's nearly 10K in here." Jackson gaped as he stared at the bills stacked in rolls neatly in the tin. He lifted on roll and thumbed the bills, "Yeah, it's like a grand in every roll." He confirmed while putting it back.

Mira slammed the lid on the container and looked around, "Where the hell did he get this kind of money?" She whispered harshly.

"He must be from a rich family, that must be why he's so casual about school." Jackson said while resting his cheek on his fist.

Mira was in shock, "B-But--wai--how?"

"I thought I knew everything there was to know about Mark. He said he worked two jobs on the weekend and sends some money to his parents and sister every month." Jackson said quietly.

She chewed on her lip, "He told me the same thing whenever I'd ask him to hang out on the weekend. You think he lied about it to cover up where he's _really_ from?"

"Probably. I just…I just thought he trusted me enough to tell me something like this without worrying about what I'd think." Jackson said while looking away.

"Me too." Mira said, "But trust is a campaign promise and maybe we were a bit naïve to think that he trusts us _that_ much. I mean, do _you_ tell him every little thing about your life?"

"No…" Jackson said resentfully.

She sighed and stared at the can, "Maybe he's still insecure about what we'd think. I would've been the same way, to be honest. I would worry people were using me for my bank account."

"Oddly that doesn't make me feel better. He should know we wouldn't use him like that." Jackson pointed out.

"Wait until we find him, he owes us an explanation." Mira shook her head, unable to form no other argument, "We have ten thousand dollars, what are we supposed to do with it?"

He rubbed his face before noticing something stuck to the bottom of the tin. He pulled it off and read it out loud, "Pay it forward."

"He wants us to give this to someone?" She said incredulous, "Is he insane?"

"It's probably the people at the house he gave us the address to." Jackson said while staring at the tin.

She scoffed, "Are we supposed to ring their doorbell and be like _hey, here's ten thousand dollars, don't ask?"_

"I have no clue. Should we bring it with us?" Jackson asked unsurely.

Mira dusted her hands before standing up, "Of course, this is his money we have to do what he wants us to do with it."

"I can't believe we're doing this. What the fuck is wrong with him?" Jackson muttered. "I don't feel great about carrying that much cash in a rental car."

Mira picked up the can and walked to the car, "We're two hours away. The faster we do this the faster we can get this money out of our hands."

\-----

Jackson pulled up in front of the address 2 and a half hours later and parked and took the key out.

"How are we supposed to do this?" He said while staring at the dark car that was parked in the driveway.

She stared at the porch before looking at the tin on her lap, "We could put it in their mailbox."

"Let's be quick. I don't want to have to explain what we're doing with this much money to someone." Jackson said as they stepped out of the car.

The pair of them crept up the porch, going on their tippy toes as they walked up the steps. Mira tucked the can under her arm and reached for the mailbox just as the front door swung open. Both of them jumped back and stared at the burly looking man staring at them in a suit.

"Can I help you two?"

Jackson's voice caught in his throat as they both panicked. 

"We're their niece and nephew." Mira said quickly, making up a smooth lie.

"Their? The Jung's? I don't recall them saying anything about their niece and nephew coming over." He said with a raised brow, challenging them.

"Y-Yes well, we don't live near them, we came from far to surprise them." Jackson added on stiffly. "Who are you?"

The man watched them suspiciously but his aura remained forceful and intimidating, "I'm Officer Lee."

Mira's eyes widened, "Wait, Officer? You're a police officer?"

"A detective." He said curtly, flashing his badge.

Jackson gulped and felt his throat close up, "W-What is a detective doing at the Jung's?"

He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, "The Jung's corner store was broken into and all their money and the contents of their safe were stolen. We're looking into it. I'm surprised their niece and nephew didn't know about this. They lost everything."

"O-Oh well, our parents know them more than us. Our mom sent us over to give them homemade cookies." Jackson said while pointing at the tin that Mira held close to her chest.

The detective's eyes didn’t stray from their faces as they stepped aside, "I'm sure they'll be back any minute now. They just went to visit their store with their insurance adjuster."

"No it's fine, we can just come back another tim--"

"Will their insurance cover much?" Mira said, cutting Jackson off.

The detective's jaw stiffened, "How exactly are you related to the Jung's?"

"My mom is Mrs. Jung's cousin twice removed." Mira said, stepping into house. 

The detective followed Jackson and Mira into the kitchen and crossed his arms and stood protectively by the door, "I believe their insurance will only cover the broken windows and some of the damage but not the money they lost."

Mira set the tin down on the counter and shifted on her feet, "Well I'm sure the relatives will come up with the money."

"The Jungs don't have many relatives."

Jackson and Mira stiffened before Jackson jumped in, "Yeah, but the few of us around will probably chip in."

"Don't you want to know if we have suspects?" He asked, taunting them. 

Mira smiled unsurely, "I figured you can't disclose that information."

"For siblings, you two don't really look alike." The detective shifted on his feet into a more offensive pose.

"I look more like my mom and she looks more like my dad. Trust me we hear it all the time." Jackson interjected.

The detective looked skeptical as his eyes landed on the tin can that Mira still had her hand protectively over. "What kind of cookies did your mother bake? That tin sounded heavy when you set it down. Shall we open them?"

On instinct, Mira pulled the tin back and the detective narrowed his eyes, picking up on her defensive behaviour and his hand slowly reached for his gun, detecting that there was something about Jackson and Mira that felt off to him.

"I--" The detective was cut off when they doorbell rang, "That must be the Jungs, now you can give them the cookies yourself. I'll be right back."

When he walked away, Jackson grabbed Mira's hand and dragged her to the back door, "We need to get out, _now._ "

They pair of them ran out the backdoor and across the backyard, climbing over the fence before racing to the car. They jumped in and started it up just as detective came running out of the house with his gun drawn, having realized they were frauds.

Jackson floored it and sped down the neighbourhood, blowing through stop signs until they were on the main roads. "That was so fucking close."

"I can't believe we just did that."

"Why would you go inside the house? We could've just gone back later." He complained as he wove through other cars.

"I don't know, I panicked, I didn't want to seem suspicious plus I wanted to know why Mark was willing to give these people 10 thousand dollars. How does he even know the Jungs?" She said while trying to catch her breath.

Jackson shook his head, still bewildered, "Who were those people? How does he even know the Jungs?"

"He clearly has been friendly with everyone we come across. He's probably friends with them and wanted us to do a good deed on his behalf." Mira reasoned.

Jackson paused for a minute before glancing at her, "How do you feel?"

"I-I don't know. I want to say that I feel good about it but it's not like it was our money. We just delivered it and we don't even get to see the faces of the people who got the money. It feels bizarre, to be honest. Like I can't believe we just gave someone ten grand." She breathed out.

"I can't believe Mark. Who the hell is this guy?" Jackson closed his eyes for a moment before looking at the rear view mirror, making sure the detective didn't try to follow them, "What now?"

"Um." Mira's heart was pounding as she pulled out the map, "It's the address to a toy store an hour away. It's close by."

"You don't think that detective will try to track us down, do?" Jackson asked, worried.

"God, let's hope not."


	10. Chapter 10

_"Just tell me her name." Jackson pleaded while throwing a baseball at Mark._

_Mark just grinned, holding his gloved hand out and caught the ball snugly in the center of his palm, "It doesn't matter, dude. It's not that big of a deal."_

_"Are you kidding me? Mark Tuan has a girlfriend. This is big news. Huge. I feel like it should be a national holiday." Jackson snorted as Mark pulled his arm back before letting the ball fly across the soccer field, into Jackson's outstretched glove._

_Mark tilted his head as if he was working out a crack in his neck, "I don't have a girlfriend. We just fuck. It's a mutual thing."_

_"Oh!" Jackson yelled loudly, scrunching his face up, "That was unexpected of Saint Mark."_

_Mark scrunched his own face up in response, "Why? You do it all the time."_

_"First of all, I'm not someone you should be using as a benchmark of moral character and second of all I figured you to be someone who got emotionally attached." Jackson said before throwing Mark the ball._

_Mark shrugged, "Intimacy and attachment comes in all sorts of forms. I wanted someone to work out sexual frustrations with because that is the intimacy and attachment that I need and she felt the same way. Physical intimacy and physical attachment."_

_"Wow." Jackson said, "I feel like I'm learning more than I need to about you."_

_Mark threw the ball at Jackson, "She's not my girlfriend because I don't need that sort of emotional support right now in my life. What's your excuse?"_

_"I don't have an excuse." He said simply._

_"Can I give you my two cents?" Mark pondered._

_Jackson made a face before looking up at him and tossing the ball, "No, but I feel like I'm not really being given a choice."_

_"In class, we were taught that humans are insanely selfish. That every single thing we intentionally do is to make ourselves feel good. I don't think that's true. I think we as humans would hate if all we felt was happiness. If we felt that and nothing else. It would become numbing and boring, like if everything was monochromatic I think that's why sometimes we purposely do things that run the risk of our unhappiness, that we are attracted to situations that give us a hard time. Humans are the most sadistic by nature. We claim we want happiness but do things knowing we probably won't get it. But it's understandable, if everything is happiness, you'll never feel accomplished or pride and things you work hard for will feel no different than the things that fall into your lap." Mark said before whipping the ball so hard that it flew straight over Jackson's head._

_Jackson followed the ball with his eyes and watched it land on the other side of the chained fence up the hill, "What does that have to do with me?"_

_"I think you just need to find someone that kinda makes you feel like a dumbfounded asshole. Someone who reacts to you differently to all the people before her. Someone who might run the risk of making you really unhappy but also might be the best thing you've ever had."_

\-----

"Hey, asshat." Jackson said with a laugh into his phone, "You really like her more than me, don't you? You're ignoring my calls but text back the minute she texts you, you're replying at the speed of light."

He leaned against the wall and watched Mira as she paid for gas and two bottles of water, "But I think I'm starting to get it. Why you like her so much. She sort of latches on and grows on you. I mean, it's not that I like her and I'm not her number one fan or anything…but she's alright. She's just broken." He looked down at his feet and kicked at the gravel, "A lot of us are, I guess. I don't know if this is your cheeky way to trying to play cupid but I don't think two people like us fit well together."

_"If you are happy with your message, press one."_

He ran his tongue across his teeth and pressed one on his phone just as Mira walked up to him with the water bottles held out to him, "Mark just texted me."

Jackson gaped at her, "Are you kidding me?" He asked in frustration.

"No." She said while blinking at him in confusion, "Why?"

He rolled is jaw and shook his head, "Never mind." He breathed out. "What did he say?"

"Take a look."

Jackson stared at the text, his eyes running over each word.

**To: Mira**

**You guys are so bad at this ^^**

**Hurry up, I'm getting bored without you two.**

"He's really starting to piss me off." Mira muttered.

Jackson smiled before taking a water bottle from her, "You're just pissed that he made you run from that detective."

"Oh please." She said while rolling her eyes, "Don't act like I haven't seen you stiffen every time a police car drives past us."

"You're bitter and rude." Jackson huffed jokingly, glaring at her, making Mira smile as she pointed to the car, "Let's go, it's going to take a long time before we get to the toy shop and they close at 6."

Jackson stared at her unfocused eyes and chewed on the inside of his cheek as they walked to the car, "Do you have your prescription? Could you get it refilled somewhere?"

"Wow. Do I look _that_ tired?" Mira snorted.

"No. Sorry. It's just…can't you?" He asked helplessly.

She chuckled and opened the door, "No, I don't have it on me."

"Will you be okay? I don't know how long this whole thing will take plus the time we spend with him." He asked cautiously while getting into the seat next to her.

She hummed and buckled in before cranking the window down, "We'll just have to wait and see."

\-----

"We're lost."

Jackson's brows were furrowed as he leaned forward, "We are not lost."

"We are most definitely lost. I told you that you took the wrong exit." She said with a sigh while tying her hair up. The sun was a few hours from setting but the heat wasn't giving them any leeway. "And there are like zero street signs. We don't even know where we are."

She had her feet up on the dashboard and when Jackson complained she had fired back quickly with _it's not your car._ She fiddled with the GPS on her phone which had constantly been redirecting for the last hours, not giving them a proper route to follow.

"We must be off the grid at this point." She said under her breath. "Why don't we find a gas station and get directions?"

Jackson's frown just grew, "Can't you just check your phone? We don't need to ask anyone for anything."

"Well, we must be in the middle of nowhere because I'm not getting any service out here." Mira said while holding her phone up. "So if you could shelf your male ego for _just_ a second so I could get directions, it would be much appreciated."

Jackson let out a long breath through his nose before loosening up his grip, "Fine but if we can't even find the main road, how are we supposed to find a gas station."

"Slow down, let's ask that family over there." Mira said while pointing at a family of three walking towards them on the side of the road.

Jackson huffed, muttering under his breath before pulling over next to them. Mira rolled down her window and poked her head out with a smile, "Hi there, sorry to bother you but we're a little lost here. We're looking for Stones Toy Store. Is that nearby?"

The older woman looked to her husband who just frowned, "You folks are a longs way off. Stone's is about 3 hours the way you came from and then another hour on the freeway."

"It's already 2." Jackson said with a sigh, "We're going to make it just as they close up and that's if we don't hit traffic."

"What should we do?" Mira asked Jackson.

Jackson sighed and paused for a moment, thinking, when the woman spoke up, "If you guys need a place to spend the night, my husband and I run a bed and breakfast up the road. We're actually throwing a barbeque with the other tenants, you can set out in the morning."

Mira looked at Jackson with a look before nodding, "That sounds great. If you guys want, we can give you ride back and you can lead the way."

\-----

"Oh, wow." Mira breathed out as they pulled up to the large country house that the Lee's, who they had just met, had renovated into a bed and breakfast. "I didn't think a house this big existed in this area."

"It's cool, isn't it!" Their son Jaeho quipped. He had taken a visible liking to Mira during the drive, answering all her questions and actively talking to her whenever there was a moment of silence.

Mr. Lee chuckled while getting out of the car, "That's why people love coming here. It's a beautiful location. We've been open for 25 years."

"You can leave your things in your car. Everyone's in the back by the lake, you guys can go swimming and we should have the food ready by then. After dinner, you guys can bring your luggage up." Mr. Lee said as his wife nodded dutifully behind him.

Mira smiled and nodded as her and Jackson got out of the car. "Thank you."

"Now Jaeho go put your swim trunks on and show our guests to the back, okay?" The 12 year nodded and raced into the house. "The gate to the back is around the corner."

Jackson waited until the Lees were gone before looking over at Mira who was slipping her sunglasses on, "Are you okay with going back there?"

"What are you talking about?" She said as they walked to the gate.

"People you don't know will be staring at you." He said as they walked through the gate into the large backyard that was lined by trees.

"This is the first time I've dealt with this, Jackson. I have my way around situations like this." She said while waiting by the back porch.

"This way!" Jaeho screamed excitedly before leaping off the porch and racing off to the trees.

Jackson and Mira shared a look before following the boy through the trees to the edge of a crystal clear lake. "Damn." Jackson mumbled while surveying the water.

"Let's go!" They looked over at the kid who was standing atop a larger boulder a few feet next to them.

Jaeho ran over the rock and screamed as he fell into the water. Mira froze, her eyes wide as she watched Jaeho sink. "O-Oh my god." She rasped out, blindly grabbing at Jackson's shirt.

"What are you doin--"

"J-JAEHO!?" She screamed while looking around frantically. Her breathing started to grow heavy and her body shook. Her eyes grew wide and hysterical and her voice cracked as she trembled violently. She threw her sunglasses off to look for him.

"Mira wha--"

"W-Where is he? S-Someone HELP!?" She screamed as she stumbled forward, her knees scraping the rocks. Her fingers were still curled around Jackson's shirt and had yanked him forward when she fell. He tried to wrap his arms around her in an attempt to stop her from moving, but she was already up on her feet.

Other swimmers started looking over at her as she stood up and started to wade her way through the water, still fully dressed. Jackson had tried to pull her back, but she just shoved him back yelled Jaeho's name until one of the others met her half way, "Is something the matter?"

"J-Jaeho. He's drowning. We need to find him. He needs help." She sputtered.

The person looked confused, "Jaeho? You mean the Lees' son?"

"What's going on?!" Mr and Mrs Lee were panting, standing by the edge of the lake.

"Mira!" Jackson gripped her arm and forced her to turn and face him as he stood knee-deep in water, "Mira. Jaeho is fine."

She stilled and froze, "W-What? R-R-eally?"

"Yes." He panted out. "Look."

He pointed across the lake where Jaeho was standing in the distance, playing. "Look. He's fine. He must've just swam away after you saw him."

"O-Oh." She said dumbly, her body trembling as she stared at him screaming and laughing. "But I heard him scream when he fell."

Jackson's brows furrowed, "No, he didn't. He barely squealed. He jumped into the water from the rock. When did you see him fall?"

"R-Right…right after he said _let's go_." She whimpered.

He shook his head, "That didn't happen, Mira. He cheered _let's go_ and then jumped in. Voluntarily. He didn't fall."

"W-Wh--I don't understand. I saw--Oh." Realization washed over her as she quieted down but she made no attempt to let Jackson in on her thoughts.

"Why don't we get out of the water?" He coaxed.

She fisted her hands and did not move, "I-I can't. I can't move."

"Why not?" He said in confusion, "Did someone get caught around your ankl--"

"I don't want to move." She gasped out like she was running out air.

Jackson looked at her legs before sighing. He turned and crouched, "Get on my back."

Mira gulped and slowly climbed onto his back. He grunted loudly, wincing before straightening up and carrying her to the other end of the lake. She tightened her arms around his neck until he made it onto the rocks. He slowly knelt down and set her down before facing her.

He cupped her face and forced her to look him in the eye, "Mira? Are you okay?"

"I-I can't go in there." She was shaking and her eyes were glazed, "I can't I'm sorry. I don't want to go swimming anymore. I'm sorry. It wasn't--I didn't m--please."

Jackson gulped while touching her softly, "You swam with me before just fine, though. What changed?"

"I just _can't._ " She hissed through her teeth, lifting her eyes to glare at him viciously, making him jerk back in surprise. "I can't, okay?"

Mrs. Lee made her way down the hill, towards them, "It's okay sweetie, why don't you just come inside and sit with me, hmm?"

She nodded and untangled herself from Jackson before letting the woman put her arm around her shoulder. He watched her speechless as she ducked her head and let herself be led back into the house without a glance back at him.

Jaeho ran up to Jackson and tugged on his shirt, "Where is she going? Isn't she going to swim with us?"

"No, she's not. She's going to sit this one out." Jackson said quietly.

Jaeho frowned and shook out his hair, "Why? What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know."

\-----

Mira was sitting in the kitchen with her socks and shoes off and was holding a cup of tea as Mrs. Lee prepared food for the grill that her husband was prepping. She was quick to learn that the Lees were a very old school, conservative family and although that made Mira uncomfortable, the Mrs. Lee showed her nothing but kindness.

"I don't know if I should be thankful or concerned." Mrs. Lee said. while cutting pieces of raw meat.

Mira looked up from her tea and frowned, "Why?"

"Thankful for being that worried about the well being of my son who you barely met 2 hours ago or concerned that you thought he drowned." She said kindly.

Mira fell silent before standing up, "How can I help? Is there something I should cut up or wash? I'm pretty handy in the kitchen."

"Lying to yourself is the most destructive thing a human can do." She said calmly in reply.

Mira froze before her hands fisted by her side in a burst of anger, "I am not destructive."

"You can take the corn cobs to my husband." Mrs. Lee said off-handedly.

Mira rolled her jaw and declawed her nails from her palm and took the plate but before she left the kitchen, she looked over her shoulder at the woman, "I'm not destructive."

Mrs. Lee did not acknowledge her and continued slicing something, leaving Mira in a silence that made her feel juvenile so instead, she stalked off to the patio where Mr. Lee was tinkering with the grill. "These are ready."

He looked up and smiled while taking the plate from her, "Thank god you're here."

"What do you mean?" She asked with a confused look.

He turned back to the grill and started putting them on the grill, "I don't think I could take another moment of _that_."

She frowned when he made no indication of what he was talking about until she lifted her gaze and saw Jackson watching her through the trees while standing in the middle of the lake with Jaeho.

"I was starting to wonder if he was just going to keep staring at the house or if he was actually going to come in." The older gentleman chuckled.

She frowned, "I don't understand."

"W-what do you mean?" The man asked while pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

She turned to look at him, "Why is he being like that?"

"Um…well." He stuttered, "I'm guessing he was worried."

She frowned and looked back at the little gap between the trees to where Jackson was standing but he wasn't looking in her direction anymore.

"Oh, I see." Mira said before walking back into the kitchen.

\-----

"Hungry?" Jackson muttered as he sat next to Mira on the benches that were set up around the bright fire pit once the sky had started to darken.

She shook her head, "I ate while they were making it."

He nodded and just gazed at the fire in silence until she turned to look at him, "Aren't you eating?"

"Not hungry."

Her lips turned down, "You haven't eaten since lunch."

"Not hungry." He pressed while slipping his hands into his pockets.

Mira scowled quietly to herself before sitting on her hands, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" He said before she barely finished her sentence.

Her frown grew, "That I snapped at you."

"Okay." He said simply, making her look over at him.

"Okay? That's all you're going to say?" She asked incredulously.

He blinked at her, "Okay…thanks?"

"I-" She let out a breath in exasperation, "That's it?"

"That's it." He said plainly while standing, "I want to roast a marshmallow. Want one?"

She stared at him, her eyes mixed with confusion and frustration, "Sure."

"Hey." Jaeho said while taking Jackson's seat, teetering his plate carefully on his knee. "Are you feeling better?"

Mira smiled awkwardly, "Yep."

He nodded furiously, "Good. I wish you were at the lake with us. It was so much fun."

"Scram kid." Jackson muttered affectionately when he came back with two sticks with a marshmallow on the top. "I'll throw you back into the lake."

Jaeho screamed with a laugh as he picked up his plate and ran off to the other side of the fire. "Here."

"Thanks." Mira said quietly while taking it from him. 

He hummed and held it out to the fire, watching it toast, "So, thoughts on the Lees?"

She shifted closer to him so that no one could hear her, "They're weird. Nosy. Too picture perfect."

"Wow, don't hold back." He snorted.

She narrowed her eyes, "Mr. Lee offered you a beer, right?"

"Yeah, I declined." He said.

She nodded, "He offered one to all the guys. I guess it's not ladylike for a woman to drink."

"Huh." Jackson said as he looked around to all the women who were only drinking iced tea or water, "Shit."

"They're so old school. Wife in the kitchen, man on the grill. Ugh." She said while twisting her face.

"It's only for one day and hey, at least they're kinda nice." He said meekly.

Mira wasn't impressed and instead lifted her head to see Mrs. Lee staring at her from the kitchen window. "She might kill me in my sleep."

"Well, it's a good thing that you can't sleep, then."

A surprised laugh escaped Mira's lips and she was quick to cover her mouth with her hand but Jackson was already beyond satisfied. "You're awful."

He just snickered rotated his stick just as Mr. Lee came out with a guitar. "Oh my god. It's Mr. Rogers." Mira muttered under her breath, making Jackson look away from Mr. Lee to avoid laughing in his face.

"Thought we'd call it a night but before we do, I thought we’d jam a bit. Can't have a bonfire without some tunes." And he sat down and started to strum on the guitar before singing. Some people started singing along while others just watched. Jackson found himself nodding mindlessly to the song, it was one of those typical camp songs but Mr.Lee's voice wasn't that bad. It was enough to keep his attention until something small, beautiful, and wretched came and made a mess of him. 

"Goddamn it." He heard Mira whisper under her breath.

Jackson blinked and looked over at her only to find her glaring at her fingers that were covered in sticky marshmallows. He swore he only looked away for a few minutes and yet she already had it al over her fingers like a spiderweb. His lips twitched and curled up at the sight of her frown as she tried to clean her fingers while still balancing the stick in her other hand.

Her brows furrowed together, another soft curse escaping her lips when some of it got on the ends of her hair. He bit down on his bottom lip to hold back his laughter as he watched her lick her thumb clean. Seeing her hair as a lost cause, she just brushed it over her shoulder before taking a bite of the roasted marshmallow which only became a bigger problem when it smeared messily across her lips like a child.

He felt a bit gratuitous at the sight.

And maybe it was that or maybe it was the fact that her lips were still covered in melted marshmallows or maybe it was the scowl on her face but for all the absolute resistance he had put up before, he finally cracked.

He took his free hand and pulled her in by the neck, making her jerk in surprise before ducking his head and gently pressing his lips firmly against hers. Mira stiffened, her eyes wide as she processed the feeling of mouth until his tongue swiped at the seam of her lip, brushing over the remnants of the dessert. A smile started working up Mira's mouth just as she kissed him back she craned her neck back and pressed softly against him, her smile firm against his mouth. Her eyes were curved up in mirth but his brows were furrowed seriously as he kissed her. He tilted his head slightly, triggering Mira to close her eyes, the taste of the burnt marshmallow slowly evaporating. 

Mira raised her fingers so that they barely grazed his jaw just as Jackson pulled back, clearing his throat and immediately looked away. He lifted his gaze and cringed when he saw everyone else seated around the fire pit grinning at him, clearly having witnessed his sudden act of passion. He grunted and glanced over at Mira who was just staring at him with an amused grin on her face.

"Shut up." He grumbled under his breath before staring at the fire.

He heard a snort from her before she shifted closer to him, "What the _fuck_ was that?"

"I said shut up."

She snickered, a renewed energy in her as she found amusement in his blatant embarrassment, "I'm not complaining, but a little bit of a warning would be nice."

"We are not talking about this." He growled and she was positive that had it been brighter out, she might've seen a blush on the tips of his ears."I'm tired. Let's hurry up and get this room thing sorted out so I can go to sleep."

She stood and discarded the stick before following him, "I don't know if I feel comfortable sleeping next to a man who can't seem to keep him hands off of me."

"Dear god, let it go." He grumbled under his breath as he tracked down Mrs. Lee."Hi, we're thinking about turning in. Can we get a room?"

"Sure, let's go to the front desk." She said with a nod before walking them to a small single room extension that stuck out by the side of the house, much like a shed with windows.

"For one night?" She asked.

Jackson nodded and watched her type into her computer, "That'll be $1000, we'll take $500 now and you can pay the rest when you check out."

"Woah." Mira blurted out, "With all due respect to you and this house, isn't $1000 pretty steep for a single night?"

Mrs. Lee frowned, "I hardly think so. Two master bedrooms with a fully function bathroom and shower in each, seems pretty reasonable."

"Oh!" Jackson said in relief, "No, we'll only need one room. We're fine sharing if the bed is big enough."

Mrs. Lee's lips settled into a straight line and emotion neutralized over her features, "We don't rent out rooms to mixed gender pairs."

"I'm sorry?" Mira balked.

She cleared her throat, "We are rather old-fashioned here. We don't let males and female share boarding."

"What if they're married?" Jackson challenged.

"We offer family rooms." She replied simply.

Mira's eye twitched, "And if they don't have kids?"

Mrs. Lee laughed as if the mere idea was preposterous. "So will you be paying by cash or credit?"

"You know, I don't know if I feel totally comfortable letting my girlfriend sleep alone, in a separate room in a house full of people I don't know. I mean, I'm sure they're all great people but I'd feel comfortable if my woman was sleeping next to me so I can protect her in case something happens." Jackson said while draping his arm over her shoulder

Mrs. Lee stared at him before looking over at Mira, "Let me talk to my husband. I'll be back."

The minute she left the office, Mira flung his arm off of her and punched him in the stomach, "Your woman? So you can protect me? Are you fucking serious?"

"I know! I know!" He said, his hands up in mercy, "I'm sorry. I was just trying to appeal to her 1950's side. Do _you_ want to split $1000 for one night?"

"No, but I'm about to make you pay it in full after that little stint." She hissed. 

He pouted, "I said I'm sorry. It's not like I actually talk that way or anything. I'm obviously doing it to soften her up."

She blew a piece of hair out of her face and gave him one more harsh jab just as Mrs. Lee returned. Jackson was quick to pull her close and appear natural as she walked around the counter. "My husband says it's fine since this is your first time here."

Jackson thanked her and paid for the first half before bringing their duffle bags up and entering their room. "I don't know how I'm going to explain my credit card bill. Random hotel and motel rooms, restaurants, car repairs."

"I thought you had a job." Mira said while shuffling through her bags.

He flopped on the bed on his back, "I assistant coach the junior swim team, but--wait, how do you know?"

"You're a common face and even more common name on campus." She said with a shrug.

Jackson leant back on the bed, "Well, even though I pay my credit card bills, the bill itself gets mailed to my mom and she has no concern for the consequences of committing a federal crime every time she opens my mail." 

"You're close to your mom, huh?" She said while sitting on the floor next to her bag with her towel in her lap.

Jackson stared up at the ceiling, "They say, _do it for her_. I'm usually doing it for my mom."

"Doing what?" She voiced softly.

"All of it." He muttered. "I'll wear my body down swimming until it's a sack of bones for her."

She nodded slowly, "That's impressive. You don't see a lot of university students that selfless to their parents. Hell, I didn't even expect that response."

"Let me guess." Jackson quipped, "They say find a guy who treats his mother like a queen because it means they'll treat their girlfriend like a princess and here I am, the literal definition of a manwhore.'

She tipped her chin with a smile, "Self-awareness is a commendable trait."

Jackson rolled onto his stomach and stared at from across the room, "I might be a little cocky but I'd like to think that all that is the truth. I'm a manwhore but I think when I find someone who makes me put all of that on the backburner, then it'll be a game changer."

Mira watched him with steady breaths, trying to read into his facial expression in attempts to find something else that he was covering up with his flowery words but couldn't find any. Maybe this was what Jaebum meant about Jackson being too good. For someone with a reputation like his, he was actually very pure.

"Interesting." She said while uncrossing her legs.

"What about your parents? You said they were great, you guys have a good relationship?" He asked while sticking his legs up.

She chewed on her lip in thought, "Yeah, but they tend to bubble wrap me emotionally. They're so worried about me that they try to take me out of every interaction and situation that could cause me harm or freak me out. For example, if they were here with us today, I wouldn't even have made it to that lake, we would've checked into our rooms and gone straight out to a diner or cafe or something. They don't like me in unexpected situations that I can't control. So they'll be having a field day if they knew what I was doing right now."

"Are they bubble wrapping you from past experience? Like they know you need it or are they just doing it because they're overprotective?" He asked.

She jutted her lip out, "A bit of both."

"How would they know what situations will hurt you?" Jackson asked in intrigue.

Mira stood up, "They just do. Special parent instinct I guess. And they've never been wrong about it before so..." She walked to the bathroom but before she could shut the door, Jackson called out to her, "Are there situations that I need to know about? Situations in the future that I might need to extract you from?"

She smiled slightly before closing the door but before the sound of running water, he heard her voice through the door.

"No, but I'll let you know if there is."

\-----

Jackson came out of the shower after Mira and was towelling his hair when he found her curled up in a ball under the blanket.

Now, he knew she wasn't really asleep.

He knew.

It wasn't possible with her insomnia, especially after her moment by the lake.

She was awake.

Or at the very least, still lucid.

Which if anything, pulled at Jackson's gut more than her being awake while he slept. This was her trying, pleading, begging herself to go to sleep without the pills. Today must've been so draining on her that she _needed_ to go to sleep. But the world wasn't that forgiving, it would never give you something simply because you needed it.

She was pretending and he would indulge her.

Jackson turned the lights off and tossed his towel aside before climbing into bed after her. "Really." He said, pretending she was asleep, "I don't know why I kissed you. You take up 75% of the bed."

She didn't react but he knew she heard him, his lips quirked as he slid his arm under her and pulled her towards him, mimicking the same thing he had done when she first told him about her insomnia.

"I don't know why Jaebum told me to stay away from philosophy majors. You're not that crazy."


	11. Chapter 11

He watched them pull up to the side of the road across from a line of small vintage shops. They stood in front of one of them and stared up at the sign before discussing something and walking in.

He gripped the steering wheel with an amazed smile on his mouth, "Finally, it's them."

"Who is that? Someone you know?" The man next to him asked when he saw the gaze in his friend's eyes.

"That Yugyeom, is Poseidon and Daisy." He said with a smile.

"Oh--OH!" He said in realization as his eyes widened, "You mean _the_ Daisy and Poseidon?"

He nodded, "The one and only."

"Are we going to talk to them?"

"No…not quite yet."

\-----

"Uhhh…" Mira trailed off as she stared up at a shelf located by the door of Stone's toy store.

Jackson walked up behind her and felt his jaw hang at the rows and rows of vintage dolls lined up next to each other. Their eyes were wide and soulless and some of them even had cracked faces, "Holy fuck. This is nightmare fuel."

"I hate Mark." Mira mumbled while staring at the vacant, empty eyes of the dolls.

Jackson was halfway through a laugh when he choked on it and let out a strangled yelp, "Shit!"

Mira jumped and snapped her head, letting out her own small scream when she found a man, maybe a few years younger than herself, standing next to them, staring. "Can I help you two?"

"Umm…yeah." Mira mumbled out, "Sorry about that, you gave us a scare."

His face didn't change as he blinked at them, "How can I help you?"

"We're looking for something Yi En might've left for us." Jackson asked unsurely before glancing at his name tag. "Bam…Bam?"

"Yeah that's my name." He said simply before staring at the pair of them with empty eyes. "Follow me."

He turned and trailed after him, wincing every time he passed a doll until they reached the counter. BamBam walked to the other side of it and knelt down, shuffling around before standing up and placing something on the counter in front of them.

"What…is it?" Mira muttered while staring at the metallic object.

"It's a necklace made from bullet casings." BamBam said simply.

Jackson and Mira gaped at him, "W-Why do you sell this at a toy store?"

"We don't." He replied blankly.

An awkward silence fell over them as he refused to provide them with any more information, "How much is it?"

"Yi En already paid. It's yours." He said before abruptly walking away.

Mira made a face before picking up the necklace and touching the metal, "He does have a thing for war. The politics, the good vs evil, the catalyst. All of it."

"Just hurry up and put it on so we can get out of here." Jackson muttered while giving the doll seated on the counter a dirty look.

Mira hung it around her neck before pursing her lips, "I want to look around."

"Are you kidding me?" He balked. "Doesn't this place creep you the fuck out?"

She grinned with a shrug, "You can wait by the car if you want, I'm going to have a look around."

Jackson sighed in defeat as Mira walked away, disappearing into the throngs of toys, dolls, and gadgets. Jackson rolled his neck back in frustration and just walked to the counter, staring aimlessly at what was behind the display case. He crouched down and scanned the rows until something caught his eye. "Do you have that in black and white?"

"Yeah."

Jackson jumped when he saw BamBam crouched, staring at him from the other side of the display case. "I'll get it for you."

He pulled out the black and white one before laying it down on the table top, Jackson stared at it, running his finger across it. "I'll take it."

"You know these things can be dangerous." BamBam said while wrapping it up in white tissue paper.

Jackson frowned and leaned against the counter, "I thought they were supposed to be good luck."

"That's what people usually think, but imagine all that negatively bundled up into one materialistic object. Too much dark power in one object." He lilted.

Jackson resisted the urge to roll his eyes and just nodded, "I see."

"It can hurt a lot of people. It has before and it will continue to do so."

\-----

"Are you finally ready?" Jackson whined when Mira walked back to the front of the store.

"I don't know where to look, there a pair of eyes staring at you from everywhere." Jackson flinched and glanced over at her before looking away.

"Aww, you're scared." She sung while setting her basket on the counter.

He made a face while watching her empty out different toys while BamBam scanned each one, "Why are you buying all that?"

"I have my reasons." She said vaguely with a wink while paying out.

BamBam put the toys in a bag and held them out to Mira who, for the first time, noticed the strange hazel green hue to his eyes, "T-Thanks."

"Have a good day."

\-----

"I was looking at the map." Mira started as they got into the car, "I was wondering if we could make a detour."

Jackson frowned and looked over at her, "What do you mean?"

"We’re almost there. There's only about 2 more stops until we reach the destination Mark drew on this map. Maybe two more days worth of driving at the most, there's somewhere I want to stop along the way." She said while pointing to the map.

Jackson pulled the car out of the parking lot and glanced at her, "Where do you want to stop that's this far out?"

Mira didn't reply and just smiled to herself while staring out the window, "I'll tell you where you need to go when we get closer."

\-----

Jackson pulled up in front of a small bricked house after following Mira's directions. "Whose house is this?"

"My cousin's." Mira said while stepping out of the car with the bag of toys in hand.

Jackson stepped out of the car cautiously, trailing behind her, "Your cousin?"

"We’re very close ever since we were kids. I don't see her as much ever since she moved out here." Mira told him while ringing the doorbell.

Jackson shifted awkwardly on his heels with his hands in his pockets as the door swung open. "Mira!"

"Yoojung!" Mira cheered, her voice bursting brightly and ecstatically as she flung her arms around the woman.

Yoojung laughed, "Come in, come in." She cooed while dragging the girl into the house. Jackson shuffled into the house and kicked his shoes off as Yoojung watched him.

"You're Jackson, right?"

He blinked and looked at her in surprise, "Yeah. Ho--"

"Mira called me a bit before you guys left and told me she was planning on stopping by." Yoojung looked only a year or two older than Mira but there was something in her eyes and embedded under her skin that made her look older.

"Right…um…nice to meet you." He said stiffly.

Mira walked further into the house while looking around, "Where's Kian?"

"I'm right here!"

Jackson and Mira looked up the stairs where a small girl no older than 7 raced down the stairs and clung to Mira. Jackson's eyes widened when he looked at Yoojung who looked like she was barely out of university yet had a daughter of that age.

She rolled her eyes playfully and peeled the girl off of her, "Relax, kid. Your mom is right there."

She stepped back and Mira held the back out to her with one finger, "Here. Throw those old ass toys out and use these instead."

Kian gasped and took the bag before looking inside, "Mom, there's so much!"

"Mira…" Yoojung said in a warning tone. "You didn't have to do this."

Mira snorted and ruffled Kian's hair, "Go play in the living room kid."

"Thanks." Yoojung said while watching Kian jump on the couch. "Do you two want tea? I'll make you some."

Mira and Yoojung walked into the living room towards the kitchen and when Jackson followed behind, he noticed Mira knock her fist gently against a hanging picture frame she walked past. He slowed down when he passed by the same picture and saw a picture of a young man saluting with a wide grin in an army uniform.

"You two can sit with Kian, I'll be out with your teas." Yoojung said.

Mira hummed and sat on the couch next to Jackson and watched Kian play on the carpeted ground in front of them. "So, you're basically an adult now, Kian. Have you decided what you want to do with the rest of your life? I hear doctors are the trend with your age group."

"Mmm, I want to be a stunt woman. It looks like a lot of fun." She said while playing.

Mira scoffed, "Do you hear that Yoojung? She's an adrenaline junkie. You need to nip this in the bud." Yoojung's laughter echoed from the kitchen.

"How are your friends at school?" She asked while slouching comfortably against the couch. 

Kian pouted, "A mean girl at school keeps picking on me."

"Oh, I know the feeling." Mira said casually as if she was talking to a friend of the same age, "Did you slap her and tell the bitch to step off?"

"Mom said that I shouldn't curse or use violence." Kian said innocently.

Mira snorted and rested her elbow on the arm rest and leaned her head against it, "Well your mom got picked on a lot as a kid, so what does she know?"

"Um, last I checked, I was the one taking on _your_ bullies." Yoojung called from the kitchen.

Mira looked at Kian, "Well, she didn't do a great job at it. Take it from me, nothing shuts up bitches like a good whack to the face." 

"That doesn't sound right." Kian mumbled distractedly under her breath. 

Mira let out a quiet laugh before looking over at Jackson. "I knew Yoojung since we were in kindergarten. She's two years older than us, she had Kian when she was 17, married her husband at 19. He passed away a year ago while serving."

Jackson said nothing and watched Kian play until she held out a handsome doll, "Look! It's you!"

"Take it down a notch, he's not that good-looking and stop trying to hit on him, you're like 3." Mira spat.

Kian wasn't phased and just tilted her chin up, "I'm 7 and you're just jealous because you're an old lady."

Jackson's lips hitched up as Mira sat up with a glare, "I'm a year younger than your mom."

"Well, you don't look younger than her." Kian fired back without looking up from her toys. "And you're still single."

"Oh my god, Yoojung, control your damn daughter."

Yoojung walked into the room holding two cups of tea with a grin, "She just misses you. No one talks to her like you do."

"She's a little brat." Mira barked but Kian just grinned as she played. "I bet she's the one who's actually the bully at school."

Yoojung smiled and sat across from them, "So are you two on a road trip or what? Mira's never mentioned you before."

"It was…spontaneous." Jackson said carefully, "We're meeting a mutual friend."

Yoojung nodded before her face lit up, "Why don't you two spend the night here!"

"We're not doing that, Yoojung. You barely fit in here with just the two of you." Mira said off-handedly.

Yoojung waved her hand, "It's nothing, I'll bunk with Kian and you two can take my room, that's okay with you two, right?"

"Yoojung." Mira said with a sigh, "It's not necessary."

"You're staying and that's final." She said while standing. "I'll start on dinner, Mira, get off your lazy ass and help me. We need to catch up. Jackson, you're okay here with Kian, right?"

Jackson stared at the little girl with crooked pigtails, "Sure."

Once the two women left, Kian dropped her toys and turned to face Jackson, "Are you Mira's aunty's boyfriend?"

"No, I'm not, she's single, remember." Jackson said while leaning forward on his knees.

Kian nodded, "I know, I was just making sure."

"How did you know she was single?" Jackson asked.

She shrugged while picking up another toy, "Mira aunty called mom a lot a while ago. She was really sad or something because of a boy."

"A boy?" Jackson asked with a slight frown.

"I know. Mira aunty always told me boys are stupid and that I shouldn't ever cry over one. She said that's stupid but then she did the exact same thing. She's the hypopcrtimous."

Jackson blinked at her in confusion, "I think you mean a hypocrite."

"Yeah that!" She exclaimed. "I asked mom about it and she said that Mira aunty had a hard time when she was my age. That people were really mean to her so it made her really scared and quiet. Mom told me that Mira aunty was angry at herself for a long time. Mom also said that's why Mira aunty was so sad about that boy. I guess she really liked him and then he was mean to her like all those other people."

Jackson gulped the rock in his throat down and licked his dry lips, "Your mom tells you a lot, h-huh?"

"Oh yeah, she's my best friend." Kiran stood up abruptly and held her arms out, "You're tall, can I sit on your shoulders?"

\-----

"He's hot." Yoojung said as they entered the kitchen.

Mira narrowed her eyes and picked up an apple from the bowl, "You're married."

"I never said I wanted anything to do with him. I'm just making an observation. You, alone with a guy that most people with eyes would categorize as hot. Makes you think." Yoojung hummed while pulling out a pan.

"If only you did this much thinking on the regular." Mira teased, making Yoojung stick her tongue out in response.

"Why are you bringing out a pan when we all know we're ordering takeout?" Mira snorted while sitting up on the counter.

Yoojung stared at the pan before setting it down, "I just wanted to pull you away from him so we can gossip."

Mira laughed and tilted her head, "Kian is growing up real bright, huh? She's going to go places in the future."

"Brilliant little kid, isn't she? She's my entire world, she makes waking up every morning possible." Yoojung said while looking over her shoulder towards the living room.

Mira softened, "Are you okay?"

"No." Yoojung whispered, "I miss him every day and have nightmares about Kian's university tuition but it's getting easier each day. You know how much of a mess I was at first."

"If you need anything you know me and my parents would drop everything for you and Kian." Mira mumbled.

Yoojung smiled, "I know, it's comforting, trust me. But what about you? How's the insomnia?"

"Stagnant. Not a lot of progress, I still use sleeping pills." Mira left out the current state of her pills, knowing it would only worry her friend.

Yoojung frowned, "Be careful, I don't want you relying too much on drugs."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine." Mira reassured.

Yoojung nodded seriously, "You seem better, at least about Jaebum."

"I got over it. I just needed time. I figure that anytime someone gets into their first semi-serious relationship the breakups heart twice as much." Mira reasoned.

Yoojung looked at small wedding band, "But you loved him. He was the first guy you ever said that too, right?"

"We all can't pick winners like you, Yoojung." Mira said light-heartedly, "And so what if I loved him back then? I don't love him now. I barely think about him."

Yoojung smirked, "How could you when you're sleeping next to someone like Jackson every night."

"He is kinda cute, huh?" Mira admitted with a laugh. "Once you get over the personality."

Yoojung's laugh fell off her face when he heard Kian's scream from the other room. Both Mira and Yoojung ran out of the kitchen and into the living room to find Kian on her back on the couch, laughing while Jackson stood in front of her with his hand on the back of his neck and a look of shock and horror in his eyes.

"What happened?" Yoojung asked in panic. "Why did you scream?"

"I dropped her." Jackson said quietly before looking over at her, "She was on my shoulders and she fell. I dropped her. I'm so sorry."

Yoojung ran over to Kian and collected her in her arms, "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"That was so much fun!" She screamed while bouncing up and down in her arms. Yoojung let out a sigh of relief before looking over at Jackson, "It's fine, she's okay. Don't worry about it. Maybe just try not to push yourself too much around her."

"I'm really sorry." Jackson repeated.

Yoojung lifted Kian up and gave him a smile, "It's fine, dinner will be here soon, why don't you two shower and bring your things inside?"

"Yeah." Jackson said quickly before looking at Mira who was watching him silently, "I'll go bring our things in and shower first, okay?"

She nodded before watching him go out to the car, "Sure."

"Kian what did I tell you about doing something dangerous? Why would you ask him to carry you?" Yoojung scolded.

Kian buried her face in her mom's shoulder but Mira just tugged on her pigtail, "Stop acting like you're 3. You're the one that made a big deal about being 7. Stop making her carry you."

"My friends always ride on their dad's back. Dad's not here anymore I just wanted to try it and he said that he understood." She whined,ignoring Mira's quip.

Yoojung looked over at Mira who just closed her eyes as Jackson entered the house with their bags before going up the stairs. "He lost his dad when he was younger."

"Jesus Christ, why do us emotionally scarred people always gravitate towards each other?"

\-----

Jackson stepped out of the shower in just his sweatpants, rubbing his head with a towel while gripping his shirt in the other.

Guilt settled in his stomach as he thought about how everything that stilled for him when Kian had slipped off his shoulders. He didn't know what he would've done if she landed on the floor. He turned and shook his head, trying to erase the hypothetical out of his head before pulling his shirt on.

That's when he heard a gasp from behind him.

On instinct, he quickly pulled his shirt down over his shoulders and spun to see Mira staring at him. "What did you see?" He snapped defensively.

"What the fuck is that?" She balked while walking towards him.

He stepped back on instinct, "Nothing, Leave me alone."

"No." She said with a frown before reaching her arms out to grab at him, "What was that?"

Jackson held her back by the wrists, fighting her off, "I don't know what you're talking about. It's nothing."

"You're lying. Let me see." She grumbled while fighting him. He barely pushed her away and when he let go of her, she was quick to shove him onto the bed behind him. He tried kicking her away but she managed to roll him over before straddling his waist.

"Stop moving!" She yelled while pushing his shirt up over his back. Her eyes widened when she saw the large yellow and purple bruising over his shoulder. "Holy shit, Jackson."

He had given up fighting and was just lying limply under her while glaring hopelessly at the wall in front of him. "Get the fuck off me." He hissed.

She reached her fingers out and brushed it against the bruise gently but even the faintest touch made him flinch in pain. Mira dropped his shirt and rolled off of him, sitting quietly next to him as he sat up and fixed his shirt.

"What happened?" She asked quietly.

Jackson's face was set in a scowl as he glared straight ahead, "It's nothing."

"Jackson for fuck's sake, I told you about my insomnia, I think we're passed this point of hiding medical issues from each other." She mumbled.

He gulped and laced his fingers together before staring at his fingers, "A month before the national qualifiers. I pulled and sprained a muscle in my shoulder during practice and I didn't realize right away. I just thought I was sore and I kept pushing it until I went for a check up."

"And you still swam?" She asked with a frown.

"I didn't have a choice. We were mid-season and this was supposed to be my year." He closed his eyes, "I went to the doctor before I found Mark's note, apparently pushing myself in that last race tore my rotator cuff."

"Shit." She breathed out with widened eyes.

He let out a bitter smile, "I'm done. I need to get surgery on top of therapy and recovery time. I'll be out for the rest of the season. I'll have been out of the water for a little less than a year, I'll miss so much practice. I won't get scouted if I ever wanted to be, not with an injury that early in my career."

"I thought swimming was more of a hobby to you, anyways. You said you didn't want a career in it."

He opened his eyes and hung his head, "I wanted the option. This was my legacy and now I'll be leaving on a low note. This is worse than a loss, it's not even trying. When people build you up so high, it makes it all the more humiliating when you fall."

"What are you going to do?" She prodded gently.

He rubbed his forehead and rolled his shoulders with a wince, "I don't know. I might just risk it and swim at the nationals, make it swan song and just figure something out with my minor, or I might get the surgery and keep practicing. I don't know, I try not to give myself the chance to think about it."

Mira looked away, "Your team doesn't know?"

"No. My mom doesn't even know. I need to tell her before I get the surgery. Fuck." He said before rubbing his face.

Mira gulped, unsure what more to say or do so she rested her head on his shoulder and they sat there in silence.

\-----

Mira knew that Yoojung could sense the shift in tension when they had come down for dinner. She was still spitting barbs at Kian and Jackson still exchanged polite conversations but it was as if they couldn't look each other in the eye anymore.

It was like Mira as hit too close to home for Jackson and he didn't like that she was now privy to information that he had tried so hard to keep hidden the entire trip. Neither of them really made any attempts to further the conversation and were quick to finish up and wish Kian and Yoojung a good night before heading to their rooms.

"Oh, Mark texted me again." She said while opening the message as they got ready for bed, "Huh?"

Jackson was stood up before walking to her, "What?"

"I don't get it." She said while showing it to him.

" _Dead end? Well, try again._ The fuck?" Jackson said with a furrow of his brows.

"My head hurts, let's just go to bed." She grumbled.

He watched her turn the lights off before climbing into bed, "You're tired? You think you'll sleep tonight?"

"I don't know, probably not, but the action of getting into bed helps."

Jackson chewed on his lip before walking to his bed, using the light on his phone and shone it over his bag before digging something out. He walked to his side of the bed before crawling in and tossing the object onto her lap.

"Here."

Mira bit back a yawn and looked at the white tissue paper before looking at him but he just nodded at it, "Open it."

She picked it up and carefully tore through the paper until getting to the center, "Wow." She whispered while staring at the black and white dream catcher, "This is beautiful."

"I know your insomnia isn't because of bad dreams or anything, but I thought it might help." He said gruffly like he was angry at how shy he felt.

She held the dream catcher up with one finger and watched the way the feathers on it swayed. Smiling, she set it aside before pulling the blanket up to her chin, "Thank you."

It wasn't like her to accept a superstitious gift without making a few snarky comments about the ridiculousness of the concept of good and bad luck, but she felt speechless at the simple gesture. All she could do was accept it graciously. For some reason the idea of it didn't feel that stupid. 

Jackson didn't say anything but he fell asleep with pain in his shoulder and a smile on his lips.


	12. Chapter 12

_"Why are you still reading?" Mark muttered when he found Mira in the library tucked in a corner with a book in her lap._

_She didn't lift her head, she knew there was only one person who'd dare bother her in the library, "One of my TA's suggested I read. The jury's still out on if I like it, though."_

_"Is this the TA that asked you out?" He asked while standing beside her chair._

_She smiled in affirmation until he sat down next to her, "Why are you reading something you don't like?"_

_"It might help me on this course." She mumbled._

_Mark looked disappointed, "Why do your grades even matter? You only study this hard because you have nothing else to keep you busy when you should be sleeping. All this hard work is only going to make it easier for you to get a job that will require even_ more _hard work. When are you even going to enjoy yourself?"_

_"I'd rather not get sentimental about my future, right now." She whispered half-heartedly._

_"You're one of the most brilliant people I know. No offense, but you're wasting your time on shit like this, Daisy." He said while tapping her book._

_She rolled her eyes and closed the novel, "Okay, then how should I be spreading my brilliance?"_

_His face lit up as he stood, "I have the perfect idea."_

**\-----**

_"A graffiti wall?" Mira asked while staring up at the colourful artwork in front of her._

_Mark tossed her a can while shaking one of his own. "It's a small place where people don't care about enough to paint over it."_

_They stood under an underpass and stared at their busy canvas, "I've never used spray paint to actually make a design. It's going to be ugly."_

_"Who cares, no one's going to know it was yours. You don't have to be a perfectionist." He muttered._

_She pursed her lips but shook the can of black paint before taking the hat Mark lent her and held it up to her nose to block her mouth and nostrils. She stepped up to the small space of blank wall and began drawing something._

_Mark watched her for a while before he smiled, realizing her design. He turned away to do his own thing. Half an hour later they both stepped back to admire their work. Mark looked at her flower and grinned, "Daisy for a Daisy."_

_He sprayed the tips of his fingers in black paint before pressing them against the wall on the bottom left corner of his art. His signature._

_Her lips quirked and looked over at his for the first time. Her eyes widened with a gasp, "Oh wow, that's beautiful. You're good at this."_

_"Wouldn't be my first time." He said while wiping his hands, "There are parts of this city that actually encourage artistic graffiti, you know, with gentrification and all. Hipster is the new urban."_

_She laughed and tilted her head, staring at both their drawings blended together with everyone else's. "It's all chaos."_

_"I know." Was all he said._

_\-----_

Mira didn't sleep that night, although she found it easier to adjust to the sound of Jackson's breathing and his arm abruptly squeezing her in the middle of the night. There were times when she'd find his body heat to be too much and that was when she slipped out of his arms and sat on the ground next to the bed.

She picked up the dream catcher from the bed side table and stared at it in her hands. She ran the tip of her index finger along each piece of yarn that was tied across the hoop, making a design of an intricate star.

A dumb smile came up her lips as she stared at it.

She knew it wouldn't fix her and that it was largely just built on superstition but it made her smile. Someone thought about doing something nice for her, but not something superficial like buy her flowers, but something that would actually mean something to her.

And it was Jackson of all people.

Now she knew why someone like Jaebum would want to keep her away from Jackson.

He was the dreamcatcher. 

She was the bad dream.

\-----

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for breakfast?"

Mira slung her bag over her shoulder, "We're fine, don't worry about it, we really need to get back on the road."

"Here. At least take some for the road." Yoojung said while handing Mira a plastic bag. "You need to come visit us soon, okay?"

Kian ran down the stairs and jumped at Jackson, "You're leaving?"

Jackson grit his teeth as pain rocketed up his shoulder but he lifted her nonetheless with a fake smile plastered over the ache, "Yeah we are."

"You're seven, Kian, you need to outgrow this _carry me, I don't know how to walk on my own_ phase." Mira muttered at her.

Kian stuck her tongue out and slung her arms around Jackson's shoulder. Mira's face twisted when she noticed the way his back stiffened and his left arm tremble in suppressed pain. Her palm reached out and smoothed down his back, catching his eye.

"You're not going to hug me, Kian?" Mira taunted the little girl.

Kian gasped and wiggled until Jackson set her down before wrapping her little arms around Mira's legs, giving Jackson a chance to roll his shoulder. She ruffled her hair before looking over at Yoojung, "I'll visit you soon, I swear."

Jackson softened at the image. He never would have thought that a 7-year-old girl would turn Mira into a ball of putty. Despite her sarcastic jabs at the little girl, he could tell Mira thought the world of Kian and her mother. It impressed him, _wildly loyal to the ones she loves_.

"Alright." Yoojung said with a cheeky grin, "Have a fun trip you two."

Jackson reached out and brushed Kian's hair back before smiling, "Thanks for letting us stay the night."

Yoojung's grin was larger than it needed to be as she patted him on the back, "Of course. Don't worry, it was nice to meet you."

Yoojung and Kian followed them to their car and watched them pack up before tugging on Jackson's sleeve.

"Look out for her, yeah? She tends to have hard times more often than most people."

Jackson looked away from Yoojung's earnest gaze and nodded. "I'll do my best."

"I don't mean to sound rude, but you're going to have to better than your best for her."

\-----

He didn't know how it happened but somewhere along the drive, Mira's hand slipped over his that was draped over the gear stick and for a reason beyond him, he let her.

It wasn't sickly intimate to him, it was a simple gesture that displayed how comfortable they were with each other, but that didn't change how he had grown distracted by the touch. How he didn't move when the light turned green until she told him

"It should be down this road." Mira said with a frown. "Can this car even fit? It looks like a bike lane."

"Crap." Jackson muttered as he pulled over to the side of the road, "We're going to have to walk this."

Mira groaned childishly before removing her hand from his and throwing the door open. Jackson smiled at her, her behaviour was becoming less and less controlled and he figured he exhaustion was taking its toll on her but it was an endearing side of her to witness.

He trailed after her, walking down the dirty road that was canopied in thin leaves that did a poor job of blocking the sun out.

"Uh-oh." Mira called out from in front of him. She turned on her heel and starting walking up to him.

"What is it?" Jackson asked while wiping his sweat.

She scratched the back of her neck, "It's a dead end. There's nothing past the end of the road."

"Wait are you serious? We need to walk back?" He exclaimed in exasperation.

She smiled sheepishly before turning him over and pushing him forward. "March on."

\-----

"Well, we're back where we started. Now, what? Where should we go?" Mira asked as they leant against the car, sharing a bottle of water.

Jackson rolled his head back, "I have no fucking clue."

"Fuck him." Jackson grumbled under his breath as they walked, "Fuck him for dragging us around for fun. Fuck him for making us spend so much money. Fuck Mark or Yi En or whatever his name i--"

"Wait, did you say Yi En?"

Jackson and Mira turned to the female voice and stared at the woman in front of them. She had long, stringy, black hair, a tight skirt, a baggy t-shirt and fishnet stockings with holes in them. Her skin was pale and her makeup was heavy around her eyes.

Mira frowned, "Yeah we did. You know him?"

The girl laughed before putting a cigarette between her lips and lighting the end of it with a dirty lighter, "Of course I do. We actually knew each other really well." She said with a smirk. "Why? Are you his girlfriend or something?"

"Oh hell."Jackson said in realization, "You're the girl."

Mira and the girl looked at Jackson who kept talking, "You're the girl Mar-Yi En hooks up with. His fuck buddy."

"Wow." The girl said with a snort, "Is that what he told you?"

Jackson cleared his throat, "Well, sort of. Is that true?"

The girl took a deep breath of her cigarette and blew the air out between her lips, surveying both Mira and Jackson before looking away, "No, he's right. We did hook up."

"How did you two meet?" Mira asked with a frown.

She shrugged, "We just ran into each other around here a lot and since we kept seeing each other, we started talking. He comes here with his friends often and I live down the road so I sorta became an honorary friend with them. We hung out together."

"Friends? Ma--Yi En doesn't have friends. We're his only friends." Jackson said with a dumbfounded laugh.

She looked back and forth between him and Mira before shaking her head, "No, I don't recognize ya'll. He had his own crew of friends, ones that don't look at all like you."

"Who were his friends?" Mira's tone morphed into a growl.

On instinct, the girl got defensive, her eyes narrowing, "Who the fuck are you two anyways? Coming around here looking for Yi En like you own him."

Jackson gripped the back of Mira's shirt in a silent plea not to run her mouth before stepping in, "We're just childhood friends. We were only trying to find him."

"Good luck." The girl said with a snort. "He hasn't come around here in maybe a year."

Mira's scowl didn't change, "Why not?"

"We ended things, stopped seeing each other. I guess he was done with me and his friends were only around me because they knew me and him had a thing so when he was done with me, so were they. Bastards." She spat before tossing her cigarette aside and crushing it under her heel.

Jackson rubbed the back of his neck uneasily, "I'm--I'm sorry.:

"Whatever." She said bitterly. "When you find him, tell him to go suck a dick."

Jackson nodded, "I'll make sure of that."

The girl was about to turn away when Mira spoke up, "Why did you two end things?"

"Excuse me?" She balked while glancing over her shoulder.

Mira shook her head, "I know Mark, he isn't an asshole who'd drop a girl after sleeping with her a few times. You obviously liked him, why did you two end things?" 

"Is she for real?" The girl asked Jackson with an incredulous laugh.

He nodded again, "She always is."

She scoffed before stepping up to Mira until the girl could taste the tobacco, "I don't know who the fuck Mark is, but Yi En isn't your boy next door. I don't think you know him nearly as well as you'd like to fantasize that you do. That guy…he had a darkness to him. Something you couldn't understand easily. Something that just didn't click. Something that just wasn't right. I ended it because I didn't need that shit in my life. Happy?"

Mira gulped but didn't flinch as the girl spun around, her hair hitting Mira in the face and stalking off. Jackson watched Mira's face morph through a list of emotions until it settled on impassive. He stepped closer to her and touched her cheek softly.

"What's wrong?" He murmured.

Mira tried to smile but her lips faltered, "Mark is my best friend. I told him everything about me. Everything. He couldn't even tell me that he was seeing a girl. A girl who talks about him like that."

"Mark is weird. We both know that. He isn't like the typical douches on campus. She's right. He _is_ dark and kind of morbid, but then again, so are me and you. Maybe that's why hearing someone call him out like that is surprising. Because we're so used to it that we forget how jarring it must be to other people." Jackson mumbled into her hair as he pulled her to his chest.

Mira didn't speak and just let him wrap his arms around her as she tried to make sense of the tears that were threatening to spill. She closed her eyes and held them back, trying not feel betrayed by the only person who dared to know everything about her. There had always been a mutual agreement between them, they always shared things with each other. They never held back.

"If it's any consolation." He said softly, "I didn't know he had friends other than me. After I met you, I figured he didn't have other friends aside from us. I guess I was wrong about that."

She frowned against his shirt, "That's doesn't console me at all."

He laughed and tightened his grip on her, "How about this? After meeting you I'm starting to trust the people that he chooses as friends."

He felt her shoulders move and smiled at the side of her hiding her laughter against his chest. "Maybe he sent us here because he wanted us to run into her. He wanted us to know about himself from someone else."

"Stop." She muttered.

He blinked and pulled away to look at her face, "Stop what?"

"Stop being the rational one who knows how to read Mark." She complained, making him laugh.

"Fine." He relented while reaching out to touch her hair. His fingers ran through the strands, almost in a caress until he found purchase on the back of her neck. He pulled closer and tilted her neck up so that she was staring straight at him with his mouth lingering over hers.

"You good?" He muttered.

All she did was hum tiredly and go up on her toes to kiss him. Their eyes slipped shut as they savoured the moment and the taste of each other as this kiss was more innocent than their first but longer than their last. A small groan escaped his lips just as he pulled away, his teeth tugging on her lip before leaning away.

He stared into her eyes and flinched at the dark film jaded her gaze, "How tired are you?"

"What?" She asked with a laugh.

He frowned, "How delirious are you?"

"Enough to want you to kiss me again." She said with that taunting cadence.

Jackson felt his head swim when she grinned up at him and leaned down to kiss her harder, basking in the slow method her arms took to wrap around his neck. His hands slid up her sides before lifting her gently up off the ground until she started laughing against his mouth, his own lips quirking up.

She was the first to pull away and focus on Jackson's glazed eyes as he set her down, "So is this going to be a regular thing, now? I need to be prepared for your sneaky random kisses."

He rolled his eyes let go of her, turning towards the road, making her cackle as she ran up to him and hooked their arms together. Her cheeky grin sliding into his peripheral, totally at ease with eyes sparkling in amusement.

"I think I can live with that."

\------

"Wait." Jackson said as he stopped in the middle of the empty intersection. "What street are we on? We've been walking for ages."

She looked at the map, "We're on Hwang-du. It's on the map, but I don't know what the other road is. It's not a main one. It's not on the map."

"And what did his text say when you asked him?" Jackson asked her.

She brushed her bangs back, "He just texted me 4028. So maybe it's a building number."

"There are no buildings in like a 100-mile radius. Where are we?" He whined while crouching on the ground.

"I think that's a street sign over there, but it's covered with leaves." She pointed to a long poll that did, in fact, have a blue sign although leaves had taken over and grown over the words.

Jackson looked up at the sign before carefully climbing up on the ledge and going up on his tippy toes to brush the leaves off the sign. "Goddamn, that idiot."

"What is it?" She asked while craning to see the sign.

Jackson jumped down and stepped back to show her the sign, "Mira-wang."

"So, this isn't really feeling like a road trip anymore." Mira said under her breath.

Jackson sighed before shuffling over to her, "It feels like his attempt at trying to hook his two friends up."

"We could leave, you know." Mira said carefully. "It's obvious why he's doing this and we've made it this far already. We should just turn back and go home."

Jackson nodded while staring at the sign, "Yeah, or we could keep going."

"Are you serious?" She asked while glancing at him.

"Why not? We still have to rake him over the coals for doing this to us. There's no harm. We have like two more stops before we reach the end. If you're still up for it, we should keep going." Jackson offered.

She sucked her cheeks in as she thought, "And you're okay with him trying to get us together?"

"Well." He said while walking up to her, "It don't think it'll be the worst thing if he ends up succeeding. What about you?"

She stared at him, trying to make out every inflection behind every tone, like she was trying to find a second meaning. She was looking for the other shoe to drop before he had even taken it off before just shaking her head with a grin, "Let's go."

\-----

Jackson had let Mira drive them down the road, partially because she thought it would be funny for Mira to drive down Mira-wang road, while he stared at his cell phone. He pulled up Mark's text messages, the last one being from two weeks ago when they were looking for each other in the quad.

He chewed on his lip as he contemplated what to write him. He couldn't exactly call and leave a message with Mira sitting right next to him to he stared at the blank screen before typing out the text and hitting send before he chickened out.

**To: Mark**

**I think I like her.**

He waited a second before putting his phone away and just stared out the window as music played softly in the background. He looked over at Mira after a while, one arm hanging out the window, with her sunglasses perched on top of her head, effectively pushing her hair out of her face.

Yeah, she was a piece of art work.

And maybe he shouldn't let a woman going on 5 hours of collective sleep over the span on 6 days operate a car he was riding in, but he was becoming soft for Mira. He knew it. He was starting to trust her.

Sensing his gaze, she turned to look at him just as his phone buzzed. He looked away and pulled up Mark's text when a reply came in.

**To: Jackson**

**I dare you**

**From: Mark**


	13. Chapter 13

"There's no building number 4028. Nothing goes past 2000." Jackson said after spending the last hour driving up and down Mira-wang.

Mira groaned while leaning against the wheel, cruising, "What are we supposed to do? 4028 doesn't mean anything."

"Wa-wait!" Jackson exclaimed as he shot up and looked out the window. "Turn the car around."

Mira blinked and cut a sharp turn and drove back down the road, "What is it? Did you see something?"

"There!" Jackson said excitedly. "It's a phone booth. I think there are numbers on the side."

Mira drove up next to the booth and parked so that she and Jackson could get out and inspect it. "This is the only thing we've seen for a while that isn't an actual building."

Jackson circled the booth before spotting something scratched on the corner, "Booth No. 4028."

"Nice job." Mira said, impressed, "So what do we do with it now? Are we supposed to call someone?"

Jackson scratched his head, "Well we don't have a phone number, so I don't know."

Mira stared at the phone inside the booth before her eyes widened. She pulled the door open and stepped inside before picking up the phone. Jackson squeezed himself in and was pressed up against her as she dialled *89.

She turned the phone out for the both of them to here as the phone rang. After a few rings, she was about to hang up when someone picked up.

"Yi En? Is that you?" The gruff voice cracked through the static in crisp English, "Why haven't you called me back?"

"Hello?" Mira voiced out cautiously.

Silence filled the line before the call cut and the dial tone rang out.

"Was that his dad?" Jackson asked after Mira hung up.

She turned to look at him, a little surprised at their proximity before letting out a breath, "I'm not sure, I don't know what he sounds like."

"Mark told me that family didn't live in Korea." Jackson offered.

Mira frowned before facing the phone again. "Why would Mark call from a pay phone and not his cell phone."

"Maybe on purpose. He must've left us another clue." Jackson said before looking around.

Mira opened the yellow pages that was hanging below the phone and flipped through it until she found an advertisement circled in red. "This has got to be his."

"Twin Falls opens dual motels." Jackson read, "How are we supposed to know which one we should go to?"

Mira chewed on her thumb, "We'll have to go to both and see which one leads us anywhere."

"He better be reimbursing us for this." Jackson muttered as he watched Mira rip the page out.

They left the booth as Jackson sent Mark a text, asking him which hotel they were expected to go to. Mira started driving them towards the first hotel when they finally got an answer.

"What did he say?" She asked.

**To: Jackson**

**Sorry.**

**From: Mark**

Jackson made a face and stared at the reply, "He just said sorry."

"Goddamn it, he knows he's going to make us pay for both." She mumbled.

Jackson sighed and pulled out Mira's map, "We're almost at the end. After the second hotel, we won't have anywhere else to go but the last point."

"We haven't used your compass once." Mira said in realization, "Did we miss something?"

"Maybe it's to help us actually find him when we hit the last point." Jackson offered.

"And after we hit the last point?" 

Jackson smirked as he stared off to the side, "We whoop his ass."

\-----

"Hi, we were wondering if we could get a room?" Mira asked after they finally reached the first of the Twin Falls motels.

The person behind the desk pushed their glasses up before nodding, "Names?"

"Kang Mira."

"Yi En Tuan."

Jackson and Mira waited while holding their breaths for the man's face to light up in recognition but when he looked up all he said was, "You'll be in room 7. Down the hall to the left. Would you like me to walk you there?"

Jackson let out a sigh of disappointment before mustering up a smile and taking the key from him, "No thanks we're good."

"Damn it." Jackson huffed as they entered the room. "I was hoping this was the place."

Mira chuckled, "When has he ever made it easy for us this entire trip?"

"Rookie mistake." Jackson grumbled, making her laugh. "I'm going to shower."

"I'll join you."

Jackson froze, his eyes wide and his heart pounding when he looked up at her. Mira was stretched out on a chair with a Cheshire grin, "Kidding. Go shower."

"Fuck you." He said while turning to the bathroom while the sound of her laughter and her phone ringing echoed behind him.

\-----

"I'm not going. You know why I can't. It's not like any of them even want me there." Jackson stepped out of the bathroom and paused when he saw Mira's back turned to him with her arms crossed over her chest while barking into her phone.

"It doesn't matter how much time passed, they still hate me. No. I'm not talking about this anymore. I gotta go. Yeah, I know. I love you too, mom. Bye."

"Everything okay?" He asked while tossing his towel aside.

Mira spun around with wide eyes before she cleared her throat. She rubbed her nose and nodded while looking down at her phone, "Yeah, my parents want me to meet up with them for a family reunion thing and I'm not really in the mood to do that."

"But that sounds like a lot of fun." Jackson mused. "If you're saying no just because of this trip, you shouldn't have to. I can drive you back."

She shook her head and sat down on the bed, "I don't really like my relatives, so I wouldn't have gone even if I was at my apartment lying in bed watching TV."

"Yeah well everyone has issues with family, I'm sure they'd want to see you. My relatives act like it's the end of the world whenever I skip a family gathering." He mused with a grin.

Mira's eyebrows twitched as she tossed her phone aside, "Well, that's because your relatives probably actually really like you."

"I bet yours do too." He replied while pulling his shirt over his head.

She laughed looked up at the ceiling, "They really don't. In fact, I'm pretty sure they purposely didn't invite me. They despise me."

"Why?" Jackson asked while sitting next to her.

Mira sucked on her tongue while staring at Jackson, contemplating to herself before smiling in self-deprecation. "They think I killed my cousin."

Jackson started coughing, choking on his own spit in surprise, "What?!"

Mira laid on her back and reached out to use her finger to aimlessly draw along Jackson's waist. "I had a friend when I was a kid. Lena. She was my cousin and we were always pitted against each other. One of us would always be prettier or smarter or more athletic and we'd always try to outdo each other until one day it just escalated."

_"But mom said that we shouldn't go out on the ice because it's not thick enough." 8-year-old Mira whined while holding onto Lena's arm as they slid down the snowy hill that led to the lake._

_Lena giggled and gently tugged her down, "Your mom was just overreacting. It's perfectly fine, I went out on it yesterday."_

_"You did?" Mira gasped._

_Lena nodded with a smug grin, "So stop worrying unless you're a chicken. It's okay if you are, I understand. I'll skate, you can just watch by the side. I am the better skater anyways, remember? Gold medal."_

_"No!" Mira blurted out, "I can do it. I know how to skate. The only reason you won gold is because I hurt my ankle and couldn't compete."_

_Lena snickered, obviously not worried, which only further angered Mira. Lena was always like that, every time Mira did anything better than her, she'd just laugh it off like it was no big deal. Like she didn't see Mira as competition. She made it seem like everything Mira accomplished was a fluke."Then prove it. I'll race you to the end of the lake."_

_"But we don't have out skates." Mira asked with a frown._

_Lena wasn't bothered as she took the first step onto the lake, "It's fine, we can just slide on our shoes."_

_Mira chewed on her thumb nervously before following her. She stared at her feet and carefully shuffled until she was standing on one end of the lake._

_"Okay, ready?" Lena asked._

_Mira swallowed the lump down her throat and nodded._

_"On your marks, get set, GO!" Lena yelled before taking off in a sprint._

_Mira gritted her teeth and pushed off, struggling not to slip and slide as the gap between her and Lena grew. Mira watched her feet and scowled when they wouldn't move fast enough._

_"Mira!" Lena called out from ahead of her._

_Her scowl grew as she kept her head down, "I'm coming!"_

_It wasn't until she looked up that she noticed Lena had stopped moving and was waiting for her. Thinking that it was her chance, Mira picked up her pace and skated past her with a smug grin on her face until Lena called out to her again._

_"Mira! Come back! Help!"_

_The tremble in her scream had Mira sliding to a stop. She turned and saw Lena frozen with her arms held out. Mira shuffled back towards her but when she got close, she took a step and heard the sound of the ice cracking under her foot._

_"Stop!" Lena yelled, "Don't move."_

_Mira gulped and watched the cracks under Lena's feet grow slowly. Lena looked at Mira in fear, "What do I do?"_

_"I'll go call my mom and dad." Mira suggested while turning away._

_"N-No!" Lena cried, "Don't go. Don't leave me here."_

_"We need to get help." Mira said, her own voice cracking._

_Lena whimpered, "Don't go."_

_"O-Okay." Mira's voice cracked as she stared at the fear in Lena's eyes. She never looked that scared before, "Try taking a step. If you do it quickly maybe you can jump out of the way before the ice breaks."_

_Lena looked unsure, "I-I don't know."_

_"We need to do something." Mira pressed as the cracks in the ice continued to grow._

_Lena looked at Mira, her eyes shaking, "I'm scared, Mira."_

_"Just trust me. I'll be right here to catch you." She said honestly._

_Lena looked unsure before curled her hands into fists but just as she lifted her foot, the ice beneath her cracked and gave way. The last thing Mira saw before Lena fell was the utter horror in her eyes the silent scream that didn't get a chance to make a sound. One second she was in front of her, the next she was gone._

_Mira shot her arm out for Lena to hold onto but the water was so cold and Lena's weight on her hand was making the ice start to crack beneath her._

_"Don't let go." Lena gasped out, her voice shaking as the freezing cold water was seizing her muscles up and turning her skin into a pale shade of blue. "Don't let go. Please."_

_Mira was shaking as her arm started to burn, "Lena, the ice is cracking."_

_"P-Please." She whimpered._

_Tears glazed Mira's eyes as her arm started to grow numb, "I can't hold on."_

_"Don't--"_

_"Let go." Her harsly whispered words cracked through the air, "Let go of me."_

_Lena's eyes widened and her fingers dug harder into Mira's jacket, "N-No."_

_"I can't hold on." Mira muttered through her tears, "You have to let go." Lena struggled, her body thrashing violent j_ _ust as the ice gave way, Lena let go of her arm and sunk to the bottom and Mira was able to roll away before she could fall through._

_The silence in the air was deathly, there was not a single sound. No screams. No thrashing in the water. Nothing._

_Mira sat on the ice for a minute, maybe two, maybe five, shock rendering her immobile until she started to scream._

_She screamed and screamed until her throat was shredded raw. Until she could taste blood and until hers and Lena's parents came racing to the lake to find one of their daughters missing._

Jackson stared at Mira, stunned into submission. Mira winced and grit her teeth, "No one ever saw what happened but I saw the judgement in everyone's eyes. Our parents and relatives knew we were competitive, some of them even thought it was unhealthy, so I heard people ask if I had let her go on purpose or if I had lured her out to the lake to try to drown her. They asked my parents if I should go see a psychiatrist. My relatives thought I was a monster and was dangerous. I was a monster that people wouldn't let their kids be around."

"Fuck." Was the first thing Jackson had said since she started the story. "They can't actually think that now."

"The thing is, when I think back to the story, I don't remember if Lena actually let go of me first or if I let go of her first. I've replayed that scene so many times that I think maybe I might've changed the narrative. Maybe I wanted her out of my life. Maybe I was tired of the comparison. Maybe I thought that if she wasn't around I wouldn't have to feel like I always needed to be better." She said tiredly.

"You wouldn't do that." Jackson said firmly.

She shook her head with a laugh, "You don't know that. It's entirely possible that I could've held onto her for a bit longer or that I could've pulled her out. Maybe I should've just left her and called my parents but instead, I barely put up a fight and told her to jump."

"You were 8." Jackson said while chewing on his lip. "Oh…that's why you have insomnia."

She nodded and turned her head to look at him when he laid down next to her, "I see her face. My mind runs over that day trying to figure out what I did. If I really let go of her on purpose or not."

"Even if you let her go, you were doing it to save yourself. You were 8, you had to make a quick decision or else you'd end up underwater like her. You wouldn't have done that if you had a way to save her and yourself." He said while rolling over to be closer

Mira wasn't blinking, her eyes were just wide, "They kept saying I did it on purpose. Why would they say that if it wasn't true? I didn't mean to do it. It wasn't my fault. They don't know."

Jackson pulled her towards him and tried to catch her eye, "You're right. They _don't_ know. They weren't there, why would you think they know what happened better than the person who was there."

"I think I might've killed her." She whispered. Suddenly her breathing started to speed up and Jackson stared at her in panic as she tried to push him away. She clutched her head and began hyperventilating. She stumbled out of bed and tripped over her bag, slamming her head against the wall.

"Mira!" Jackson blurted when she grasped her head. He ran over to her but she was already emptying her bag, "I need my pills. I can't… I can't think. I need to go to sleep."

He fought her, forcefully yanking her hands out of her bag, "They're expired you can't take them or you'll get sic--you're bleeding."

"Let go!" She yelled while fighting me. "LET GO OF ME!"

Jackson released his grasp on her just as she yanked her hands up. Not expecting him to let go, she used all her force to pull her hands away and when he did let go, her hand went flying and slapped his across the cheek.

Mira gasped, her eyes shaking and wide as she held her hands close to her chest, "I'm so--oh my god, Jackson, I'm so sorry."

Jackson sat in silence, the sting still burning.

"I'm so sorry." She croaked out. "I didn't mean to do it on purpose. I'm so sor--"

"It's fine." He mumbled while grabbing her shoulders. "You just need to breathe."

She was shaking, "I'm so--"

"Breathe." He said sternly.

She fingers clawed into his neck as she rested her forehead on his chest, ragged breaths escaping her. Jackson stiffened, slightly unsure with what do before slowly stroking his palm down her back.

After what felt like fifteen minutes, she lifted her head and rested her cheek against his shoulder while looking off to the side. "Let's go to bed." He mumbled.

"I'm destructive. I'm toxic." She muttered under her breath.

"You're delirious and on basically no sleep and off your meds. Relax." He said dryly while lifting her up and carrying her to bed.

She laughed and stared up at him when he set her down, "I hate this."

"What?" He murmured while getting in bed next to her.

She shook her head tiredly, "All of it."

He slid his arm under her neck and turned her towards him, curling her under his chin, "I know. But maybe you can figure out a way to change how you feel."

She adjusted her head and tilted her neck up so that she could see his face. Feeling her gaze, he glanced down at her and felt her lips graze his jaw. He craned his neck down and bumped his nose against hers, waiting until she chose to kiss him.

His other hand came to cup her cheek and pull her mouth closer to his and it was in a second that she was splayed on top of him, kissing him breathless while her fingers running through his hair and his arms locking her in place.

Something in the air changed when Mira started pulling at his shirt, yanking at it until he pulled away from her mouth. He was panting out of breath, trying to meet her eyes but she was focused on getting his clothes off.

"Wait." He grunted, holding her carefully before rolling her onto her back. He got up on his knees and pulled his shirt off while she rid herself of her jacket. When she tossed it away, he leant over her, his mouth whispered softly against hers. He reached for the hem of her shirt when she gripped his wrist and ducked from his mouth.

"I'll break you." She whispered into his mouth. "Just like I broke Lena.'

"I'm not that fragile. It'll take a lot more." He muttered against her neck as his lips drew intoxicating circles.

"You don't need to be fragile for me to break you." She sputtered, her own vision blurring. "It just happens."

He pulled back and stared down at her with a challenge burning in his eyes. "Then do it."

"Do what?"

"Fucking break me."

\-----

"Well?" She asked with a laugh as he rolled off of her and pressed his spent body against hers. "I hear that philosophy majors are crazy."

Jackson pushed his sweaty hair off his forehead. "In which case, crazy is so fucking hot."

Mira snorted, covering her face while she laughed, a mix of delirium, Jackson and euphoria turned into a concoction that got her high. She was happy and light, nothing like how she was moments ago. A temporary high. A sugar rush.

Now she just had to wait to crash.

Jackson leaned towards her, an arm draped around her waist and affectionately brushed his lips against her neck. She flinched at the tickling feeling, another laugh mixed with a squeal escaped her lips and couldn't help but match the sound with one of his own as he revelled in her smile.

She was fucking amazing. No one would've been able to calculate the storm brewing under her skin, the history locked up behind her eyes. She was lightning trapped in a bottle and for fuck's sake, if that was the secret she was hiding, he wasn't scared off.

He actually wouldn't mind sticking around.

Everyone had their demons, hers was just harder to exorcise.

He could live with that.

He turned his head and traced the curves of her face.

Yeah, he could.

"I love you."

Silence filled the room and a sharp breath hit Mira as she stared up at the ceiling while making sure she had actually heard him right. She could hear the expectation in his breath as he stared at her, waiting for any sort of reaction from her. 

"No you don't." She snorted without looking at him, "You just love having sex with me."

He frowned and stared at her sweaty, dazed figure, "That's not true."

"Really?" She said with a laugh, her eyes tracing the spider web in the corner of the room. "You love me after barely spending 2 weeks with me?"

"I get it, you live and breathe philosophy. you always try to find a deeper, heavier meaning behind things and you can quote me 1001 philosophers that describe love as some deep, higher dimension, grandiose, hard to understand phenomenon, it's really not all that complicated to me. Love is love and when you feel it, it's real. It's might take longer for it to be stronger but it's still love. And that's what you are to me"

"What?" She asked, almost afraid of his answer.

"You are love."

"What's my favourite colour?" She asked abruptly.

Jackson blinked before knitting his brows together, "What?"

"What's my favourite flavour of ice cream? What's my favourite book? What's my biggest pet peeve? How do I like to study? When's my birthday?"

"I-I don"

"You don't know." She muttered. "Because we don't know each other. You think you love me because it's only been me and you this entire time. Or maybe you think you love me because you shared something personal to me and I shared personal stuff to you, but that doesn't equal love."

He let out a scoff, "You're really that cynical? So what if I don't know that shit about you? You can teach me everything about you. You don't have to be closed off."

"You could barely stomach hearing what happened at the lake."

"No that was you." He barked. "You're the one that could barely get through telling a story that's over 10 years old. You're the one that still isn't over your past." He sat up and looked at her as she stared off at the ceiling, "I don't know if you enjoy feeling sorry for yourself and letting it eat you from the inside but it's frustrating when you use it as a lame excuse for why people shouldn't care for you. It's frustrating for the people who actually grow to give a fuck about you."

"Caring about someone and loving them are two different things." She mumbled, her voice slowly getting louder, "You care about someone when you worry about their traumatic past and their emotional stability. You love someone when you wake up in the middle of the night _every_ _night_ to find them curled up in a ball because they forgot to take their pill and stay up with them until they finally fall asleep. You love someone when you know you can't fix their problems and stay with them when they deal with their demons. You love someone when you accept that they might not ever be normal. So no, Jackson, you don't fucking love me. You care about me."

He nodded slowly, "Fine, but you know what? Maybe I could've been that person. If you gave me the chance. If we took our time. I could be the person who would stay away with you. Who would accept what you couldn't fix."

"You don't love me, Jackson. And you have your own shit to deal with, you won't last. Wake up. Love won't fix me, if it did, my parents would've fixed me by now. Romance doesn't fix mental fuckups." She said simply.

Jackson laughed while shaking his head, "I don't know what more to say to you."

She finally turned to stare at him, her eyes vacant, bloodshot and hurt before she stood up, taking the covers with her to wrap around her body before heading to the bathroom but not before stopping and looking at the ground.

"…Why did you have to go and make it so complicated?"

He looked up from the bed and stared at her back. "Why did you have to go and make me fall in love with you?"


	14. Chapter 14

"Was this your plan all along?" Mira mumbled into her phone as she spoke to Mark's answering machine late that night when Jackson was passed out. "You hoped that sticking us in a car together, chasing after you would somehow make your two best friends fall in love with each other? Did you not see the problem in that?"

She was hidden in the bathroom with the water in the sink running, "Why him? Why did you think he'd be good for him? Why would he be any better than Jaebum?"

She squeezed her eyes shut, "Why am I getting those feelings again? Fuck, Mark. I hate you. I hate you so much for this. I hate myself. I hate that after 3 years of building myself up, he's making me feel like--"

_"If you're satisfied with your message, press 1."_

\-----

"Does Mark know?" Mira looked up to see Jackson standing next to her.

She was sitting by the motel's pool the next morning, slipping out of their room long before Jackson had woken up to steal a moment to herself.

She looked back as the water, counting the ripples that her feet made as they paddled back and forth. "Mark knows a lot of things."

"Does he know about Lena?" Jackson said while staring off across the pool.

Mira didn't know how to talk to him after last night. She didn't know if she should pretend he didn't bare his heart and just talk to him like everything was normal or if she should revert back into herself and treat him the same way she'd treat Jaebum.

"He does." She said while closing her eyes.

Jackson kept his eyes forward, "What did he say?"

"Nothing. He just nodded and moved on." Mira said as she thought back to the day when the two of them hung out a little drunk, her confession slipped out and Mark took it without flinching. He never brought it up again and it had made her wonder if he actually remembered what she had told him.

Mira lifted her head to see Jackson just staring blankly ahead. She wondered how he felt, if he actually still thought that he loved her or if he had realized that maybe he romanticised something that he didn't really feel. His face was hard to read for the first time, his emotions clogged up and hidden beneath his skin.

"It took a long time to find you." His voice was empty, no emotion, neither positive nor negative, was audible in his tone. "I woke up and you were gone. I spent an hour looking for you."

"I--"

"And then I started thinking about your panic attack yesterday and back at the lake. I started freaking out, wondering if you were passed out somewhere after having an attack." He said plainly.

She couldn't tell if he was mad at her or if he was just worried, "I'm sorry."

"Is that why you freaked out at the lake? Lena reminded you of Jaeho when he went under water."

Mira sighed, her stomaching curling in a sickening twist, "Love doesn't fix panic attacks."

"No, I guess it doesn't." Jackson affirmed. "And maybe you're right. I don't think I love you."

The twist in her gut tightened. That proclamation should've hurt less than it did. She knew he didn't love her, so this was expected, but _fuck_ if it didn't make her feel like shit. "Yeah, I didn't think you did."

"Doesn't mean that I can't." He finished, his tone clipped and harsh, cutting her off before she could say anything else. "Now come on, we need to check out and hit the road."

Mira pulled her legs out of the water and stood up. Jackson handed her towel and watched her pat her legs dry before the two of them walked down the hallway to their room. Jackson kept quiet, not even glancing at her while they walked. Something that should've taken 5 minutes, felt like it took an hour.

"Did you leave the door to our room open?" She asked with a frown when she spotted the ajar door.

Jackson frowned, his eyes narrowing as he stepped in front of her, blocking her with his body, "No, I locked it."

He slowly pushed the door open before stepping in. His eyes widened at the sight of their belongings strewn across the room, ransacked. "Holy shit."

"Oh my god." Mira blurted as she stared at her clothes hanging off of chairs and thrown across the room. "Did we get robbed?"

Jackson bent down to pick his things up, scanning the room. "It looks like everything's here. Both our wallets, the car keys, it's all here. The only things of actual value are still here. But someone was definitely in here. I was out of the room for an hour, they had all the time in the world to do whatever they wanted."

"Let's get out of here." She said, her voice in a panic as she packed her belongings haphazardly in her bag. "Now." 

\-----

"Excuse me?"

Jackson clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, "I said that someone broke into our room and ransacked the place."

"That doesn't make sense." The motel manager said incredulously, "I've been posted by the front desk since the morning and I haven't seen a single person come in or out of the motel. There's no way anyone could've gotten to your room."

Mira shook her head, "What about the people staying next to us or the entire block next to us."

"I'm sorry but there's no one staying on your block. I could call the cops if you'd like but if nothing was stolen like you said, I don't know what they could do for you." He offered.

Mira sighed in frustration, "Forget it. Let's go."

Jackson shot the man a glare before following her out to the car. They got into the car in silence and drove towards the next location.

"Do you think it was Mark?" Jackson asked out loud. "His way of throwing a hissy fit to make us know he's watching."

She leant her elbow against the window and rested her head against her fist, "I don't know. I'm starting to really get tired with Mark. He better be at the damn Gardens of Eden when we find him."

An unexpected chuckle left Jackson's lips and a weird burst fired out of Mira's chest. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to react to him laughing because of something she said. She expected snide comments and a standoffish attitude.

She didn't expect laughter.

Her own lips twitched at the sight of his grin but she looked away just as he glanced at her. He stared back at the road before sighing. "Ever heard of Tabula Rasa?"

"Don't start." She mumbled.

He rested one hand on the wheel and the other one out the window, "Clean slate. We all need one."

\-----

The second Twin Falls made the first one look like the Grand Palace.

The sign was flickering one of the Ls and the glass door was cracked down the middle. The ceiling was cracked and leaking and the tiles on the ground were uneven. Jackson looked around before tapping the bell on the front desk.

The door at the back swung open before a kid in his teens strolled out, snapping the bubble in his mouth. "Can I help you?"

Mira, who was growing tired being polite, cut to the chase, "We're looking for Yi En Tuan." She glanced at the kid's name tag, "Youngjae. It'd help if you could give us whatever it is he gave you."

"Yi En. You know Yi En?" Youngjae's face stiffened as he surveyed them cautiously while reaching under the desk.

Jackson resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "Yeah, we're friends with him. He told us to come here. Now do you have something for us or not?"

In a second, Youngjae pulled out a gun from behind the counter and pointed it at the two of them, "I told him to leave me the fuck alone!"

"Woah." Jackson and Mira raised their hands up and took a step back. "What the hell!?"

Youngjae's hand was shaking as he pointed the gun back and forth between them, "Back off, you hear me? Stay the fuck away from me and tell Yi En to fuck off unless you want me to blow yours and his brains out."

"There's no need for that." Jackson said calmly, "Let's put the gun down, yeah? We don't want anything from you. We're not here to hurt you, we just thought you might have a note or something to give us."

Youngjae's eyes were trembling, "What? No, I don't have a fucking note for you. Now get the fuck out!" He yelled.

"O-Okay. Okay, we're leaving." Jackson said while slowly walking backwards.

Youngjae pointed his gun at Mira, "Why isn't she moving? LEAVE OR I'LL SHOOT!"

Jackson stared at Mira's back, she was frozen with her hands up. "Mira, come on." He hissed.

"What the hell is wrong with her?" Youngjae spat, "Tell her to move!"

"Mira stop standing there and move." He growled under his breath while keeping his eyes trained on the gun. When she didn't respond, Youngjae cocked the gun, sweat dripping off the strands of his hair.

Jackson grabbed the back of Mira's shirt and yanked her backwards. "We're leaving. Okay?"

Youngjae wiped the sweat on his upper lip nervously, "Stay the fuck away!"

Jackson grabbed Mira by the wrist and dragged her out of the hotel as they ran out to the parking lot. Once they made it out, the both of them collapsed on the cement. He caught his breath, his head hanging low as his lungs burned.

"Mira?" He whispered when he saw her stare off into space without moving. He crawled over to her and sat in front of her line of vision. "Hey, are you okay?"

She jumped at his voice and nodded in a daze but her body was still shaking hysterically and her breaths were getting heavier.

He brought his arms around her and pulled her towards him. "It's fine. You're okay. You're good. I've got you."

"S-Stop." She mumbled while pushing him back. "Stop treating me like that."

His face stiffened. "Like I care about you?"

"For fuck's sake." She muttered under her breath attempting to stand before her knees gave way, putting her right back into his arms, "You're making this worse."

This time, she was able to stand and walk away but Jackson ran after her, stopping her when he stood in front of her, "Why? Because I'm trying to be there for you even though you didn't move when someone threatened you with a gun because you secretly, deep down, wanted him to shoot you?"

"What did you just say to me?" Her voice clawed out her throat in a growl.

He scowled at her, "You were a lot harder to read when we first got into a car together. Now? Not so much."

"You can't read me." She hissed. "You don't even know me."

"Why do you keep saying that?." He said, exasperatedly. "I know you a lot better than most people out there and it's only the start. What more do I need to know?"

"I used to date Jaebum."

Silence cracked like a whip as Jackson stared at her with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"You're kidding me."

"No. I dated Jaebum. Your teammate. Your roommate. We dated. For 5 months, Or maybe it was 6, my memory is kind of foggy when it comes to him." She said bitterly.

"You dated my best friend." He spoke like he was trying out a new language for the first time.

Mira looked away, "I wish it didn't sound that awful."

Jackson rubbed his face in incredulity. "I can't believe this. You've dated him for 5 months and he didn't mention it to me once. He told me he hasn't had a girlfriend since high school."

"Well, he's probably right." She snorted. "I don't think he thought of me as his girlfriend."

Jackson's shoulders sagged, "He's the guy, the one that made you cry. The one that Kian said was mean to you just like your relatives were and made you sad. The one you told me about when we went swimming. "

"That's him." She said with a sigh.

Jackson didn't know where to start. What questions to ask or how he was supposed to feel. He just told his best friend's ex that he loved her. What the hell was he suppose to do now?

"When I asked you if you scared him away, you said yes. Was it because he found out what happened?" He managed to choke out.

"He didn't know about Lena but he knew about my insomnia, I mean, it was hard for him not to know. He'd wake up and see me sitting up with blank eyes in the middle of the night. He'd see me take pills but he'd never ask why. He'd see my mood changes and how it'd affect him when we spent time together. He'd see me get depressed or delirious from the lack of sleep. Once we got into a fight and I hadn't taken my meds because we had been drinking and I stabbed him in the hand because I got so angry and irritated." She said before laying on her back on the cement. "I was a ticking time bomb. I mean, I still am, but I was really bad back then. I would take my pills and then stop taking them because I'd think I was sleeping better even though it was only because of the pills and then I'd go straight back to not being able to close myeyes for more than an hour."

Realization dawned over Jackson's features. "That was you."

"Apparently, I'm world famous as the psycho major that stabbed Im Jaebum, although he replaced calling me _destructive and toxic_ with _arguing over philosophy_." She said with a pathetic smile. "He broke up with me when I told him I loved him for the first time. I thought he loved me too because he saw all these sides of me but stuck around. Boy, was I wrong, he thought we were a casual thing which was why he never cared about the things wrong with me until he realized I wanted something more. Then he realized they would become his problems too."She said while staring up at the sky.

The more she came clean to Jackson, the more she hated herself. He just had to deal with an injury that would eventually get treated and healed while she had to deal with problem upon problem that felt like they would never go away.

"For 5 months." His voice was thick and unnerving.

Her throat started to numb up as tears threatened to prick her eyes. Why did she always disappointed? "5 and a half, I think."

He didn't speak for about 5 minutes before she rolled her head to the side to look at him. "Thoughts?"

"You stabbed him but he didn't break up with you until you told him you loved him?"

She laughed dryly, "Yeah. Want to know why?"

He nodded weakly and watched her look away, ashamed, "It was the same day. Do you see? I get volatile. My mood swings are the worst."

"But you've been off your meds for almost two weeks and you haven't stabbed me yet."

"Consider yourself lucky." She mumbled before sitting up. "In a confined space with just you, I surprised myself."

Jackson stared at his fingers, the pain in his shoulder slowly creeping back, "Why did you tell me this? How do you want me to react?"

"I learnt from my mistakes. I'm laying it all out on the table." She said. It was better airing out the dirty laundry now rather than waiting until you loved them before making them run away.

Jackson pressed his eyes shut, "Am I supposed to say that it doesn't mean anything that you used to date my best friend? That it's not a moral issue for me? That I should be expected not to have a problem with this?"

"I don't expect anything from you. I'm just telling you now before you regret it later and we both get screwed over." She said simply, almost as if she was tired of having the conversation.

"He's my best friend, Mira." Jackson said helplessly, "I can't do that to him."

She shrugged with a half smile before slowly standing up, "I'm not asking you to."

Jackson let out a breath and rubbed his face, "Maybe you were right. Maybe we should just head back home."

"W-Wait." Mira rasped out, her heart sinking to her feet.

He shook his head, "Mira I just don't think tha--"

"No, not that. What was the number on the phone booth?" The ominous tone in her voice caught his attention.

"4028, why?"

"Look." She pointed across the parking lot.

Jackson followed her finger and stared through the chain link fence, towards the block of rooms where one stood out in particular. One with the number 4028.

One with police tape wrapped around it.

"Mira…"

She had already stumbled over her feet and raced to the fence before scrambling over it. Jackson leapt to his feet and chased after as she reached the door. She stood in front of it before just staring up at it in a loss.

Jackson caught up to her, panting, "I don't know if we should go in there."

"I don't care." She muttered before ripping the tape down. "I'm done playing games."

She pushed the door open and took a step in before gagging at the foul odour. Her eyes widened at the sight of the room. The mattress was missing, drawers and cabinets were opened and emptied. There were small markers placed next to every stain and dent on the floor and walls.

But that wasn't what rendered her motionless.

No.

It was the white tape tacked to the floor that was made out in the shape of a body.

"W-Wait. What the hell is this?" Her voice cracked as she looked around while fisting her cold fingers.

Her eyes darted around the room until she spotted Mark's graffiti signature, his finger prints, pressed against the wall. She started frantically touching the wall. looking for something that stood out until she felt one of the bricks sticking out more than the others. Using her fingers, she shook it loose before spotting a piece of paper folded and placed in the hole the brick left.

"What is it?" Jackson asked, coming up behind her.

She picked it up, letting the brick fall to the ground, "I think it's a note."

"Put your hands up!"

Both Jackson and Mira spun and stilled at the sight of Detective Lee from the house they had given the money too and a tall officer standing next to him by the door. They had their guns drawn, pointed at them in a predatory stance. Mira quickly shoved the note in her back pocket before raising her hands. 

"W-What's going on?" Jackson asked in a panic. 

Detective Lee smirked as he advanced closer, "I knew there was something off when I ran into the two of you the first time. That shit about being related to them and happening to leave the exact amount of money that was stolen from them on their kitchen counter, I knew you were who we were looking for."

"What's going on?" Mira swallowed the lump down her throat.

Detective Lee grinned, "Why don't you tell them Yugyeom?"

The officer next to him pulled out his cuff, "You two are under arrest for the accessory of armed robbery."

"What the hell?" Mira balked at the ridiculous charges.

Jackson was dumbfounded, "We didn't do shit."

"I suggest you two shut your mouths until you get an attorney." Detective Lee suggested as he grabbed Jackson and spun him around, cuffing him in one swift motion.

Officer Yugyeom was reading them their rights as he cuffed Mira.

She shook her head and looked at Detective Lee pleadingly, "No. You don't understand. This is all a mix-up. We're here because of our friend. If you let us call him, he'll clear this whole thing up."

"Is your friend Yi En Tuan?" Detective Lee asked.

Jackson blinked and looked over his shoulder at the detective, "Yeah, how did you know?"

"Because after searching for him for 2 years, Yi En Tuan was murdered in this motel room by his gang of thieves two weeks ago, and I just can't wait to hear the story you two have in store for me, Daisy and Poseidon." 


	15. Chapter 15

The ringing in their ears couldn't stop. 

Ever since they were put into the back of the police cruiser, all they could hear was the ringing in their ears. Silence filled the car and Detective Lee even had to check in the rear view mirror to make sure the both of them were still in the car. They were both staring out the window soullessly as

The severity of being arrested and dragged to interrogation was lost on them both as they were pulled to their feet and separated into two different rooms.

Yugyeom leant his arms against the metal table and snapped his fingers in front of Mira's dazed eyes. "Are you listening Ms.Kang?"

"W-What?" She mumbled while frowning up at him."I-I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Yugyeom closed his eyes and let out a sigh, "Ms. Kang do you understand why we had to bring you and Mr. Wang in?"

"I don't--I don't really understand anything right now." She slurred weakly.

Yugyeom opened his file and put out two pictures on the table in front of her. Mira's eyes widened at the sight of Mark's lifeless body laying out on the ground of the motel, blood pooling around his head. "You trespassed the scene of a crime that is currently open and very much active."

Mira squeezed her eyes shut and looked away, "No."

"Your little friend has been in a string of robberies for the last three years and we've been trying to track him down for the last two. So then, my partner sees you and your friend pretending to be related to the family of Yi En's latest target and he's starting to think, _oh_ _this must be the Daisy and Poseidon who keeps texting Yi En's phone._ "

\-----

Jackson stared at the picture, unable to tear his eyes away no matter how nauseous it made him, "That doesn't make sense. He was texting us up until yesterday."

"Yeah, I have to admit, that surprised us. His phone was taken into evidence after we found his body and it was left turned on. It connected to our wifi here and started sending out messages to you."

Jackson made a face as his hands started to shake. "H-How is that possible?"

"Why don't you tell me your theory first?" Detective Lee mused.

Jackson shook his head, "I have no fucking clue. Did you pretend to be him or something?"

"Yi En is a pretty smart guy, I'll give him credit." He said with a laugh, "He installed a third party app on his phone that queues up text messages and sends them out every time someone texts him. When we found out we almost shut his phone off until we decided to see who exactly Daisy and Poseidon were and why they were so important that he had to keep contact with them from beyond the grave."

Jackson looked away at his eyes started to water, "I don't know anything, I swear. We just let his texts lead us on."

"We followed you guys around ever since you ended up at the Jungs. The money you gave them was the exact same from what Mark and his friends took from him. Had a feeling you two had something to do with it." He pursued.

Jackson closed his eyes in frustration, "No. He hid the money and made us find it before giving us the address of the Jungs. We didn't know who they were or even that they were robbed until you told us."

"So, you're just his vigilantes?"

Jackson rested his elbows on the table and pulled at his hair, "No! We don't know any of this shit about Mark. That's not the guy we knew. That isn't our Mark."

\-----

"No, you don't understand, he's just a university student. Mark's not a thief." Mira said while banging her fist against the table.

"Two things." Yugyeom said while pacing back and forth, "First of all, Mark Tuan? Doesn't exist. It's an alias. His real name is Yi En Tuan, he's 24 not 23 and he's not enrolled in your university."

Her eyes widened as she gripped the edge of the desk, "What are you tal--"

"He's a drifter. Dropped out of school in high school, made enough to move to Korea and decided the only way someone without even a high school degree could make money was if he stole it."

Mira shook her head, "He visits his parents and little sister all the time. He missed classes for it."

Yugyeom paused, his face softening a fraction, "Yi En's family was killed when their house was burned down about 6 years ago. He was at school when it happened. That's why we believe he dropped out and ran away."

"Oh my god." 

He nodded,"I can imagine it was hard on him, no family to take him in, he'd be a victim of the foster care system if he hadn't run. It was a brutal fire, he was lucky he wasn't there but I bet the survivor's guilt kicked in fast." 

"S-So when he said that he was visiting his family?" She croaked out.

Yugyeom laced his fingers together behind his back, "He was probably hitting another one of his marks and needed an excuse to leave until he left and couldn't come back."

She sat in silence before slowly reaching for the picture of Mark and lifted it up, "H-H-How did he die?"

\-----

The detective looked at Jackson, a flash of surprise washing over his face before he schooled his expression into his poker face, "Your friend must have had a change of heart. Stole the 10 grand from his guys that he had stolen from the Jungs. They were supposed to split it equally but suddenly it all went missing. He must've hid it for you two to find. His friends figured out that he crossed them and wanted revenge."

"How do you know all of that?" Jackson gaped.

The detective leant back in his seat, "We caught his crew fleeing the scene with the weapon. They're arrested and have pled guilty."

Jackson's lip quivered as he pressed his fist against his eyes, "So he's been doing this since his family died? And now he's gone too?"

The detective's demeanour suddenly changed, "Listen, you clearly care about Yi En and you and Mira seem like nice kids with your lives ahead of you, so why don't you just cooperate with us and tell us what you'll know so we can release you."

"I told you everything. We just thought this was a scavenger hunt. We followed the clues, they seemed harmless, god to a bookstore, go to an ice cream parlour, go to a toy store. After the Jungs, things got weird. Our rooms were ransacked, there was a strange man on the phone, we thought it was his dad and that motel owner pulled his gun on us."

Detective Lee gave him a smile, "I have to thank you, though. We followed you to the phone booth and redialled the last number you hit. You helped us track down one of Yi En's men that wasn't at the scene."

"We just hit redial. We had no clue who he is." Jackson said in exasperation.

The Detective nodded, "You're lucky because he had no idea who you two were. So I'll take your word."

\-----

"That necklace. Where'd you get it?"

Mira's hand immediately wrapped around the bullet hanging around her neck, "Why?"

"That bullet is the exact same used to kill Yi En." Yugyeom said while taking a seat across from her. "Did he give you that?"

Mira licked her dry lips, "Y-Yeah. It was a gift."

"He was shot by his own gun." Yugyeom said pitifully. "He didn't have a chance and he knew it."

\-----

"What I don't understand is why two people who don't know anything about each other would trust and agree to get into a car together and follow another friend to god knows where." Detective pondered.

Jackson's shoulder was throbbing and he could barely sit up straight, "I don't know. It's Mark. We just trusted him, figured whatever he was planning would have a worthy pay off even though he asked for the both of us. I didn't even know they were friends. And _fuck_ I didn't want to go with her anyways at first, we barely got along but she agreed to come just to piss me off. We just ended up together I don't even know how it happened, to be honest."

"So you and Mira were just a coincidence?" The detective asked as he pulled a small tape recorder out.

Jackson frowned and nodded, "Yeah, why?"

_"Was this your plan all along?"_

Jackson's eyes widened at the sound of Mira's voice.

_"Why him? Why did you think he'd be good for me? Why would he be any better than Jaebum?_

Detective Lee skipped through the recording to another clip.

_"Why am I getting those feelings again? Fuck, Mark. I hate you. I hate you so much for this. I hate myself. I hate that after 3 years of building myself up, he's making me feel like--"_

"The message cut off here. You two don't sound like a coincidental pairing."

Jackson leant back in his seat and ran his hand over his face, "Who knows what goes through Mark's mind. We hardly keep up with him. He was just a nice person to be around. He wasn't judgemental, he didn't pressure us to be something we weren't. He actually cared about us…about me."

\-----

_"You piece of shit."_

Mira sat up at the sound of Jackson's voice.

_"Of all people to make me do this stupid wild goose chase with, her? There is something seriously wrong with her head. I can't believe you're sticking me in a car with her for who knows how long. I swear to god when we find you, we won't be laughing, jerk off. I'm going to whoop your Cali ass an--"_

"You two don't sound like the closest friends. Hard to believe you both agreed to this little trip of yours." Yugyeom mused.

Mira swallowed the lump down her throat and looked away, "People don't really like me. That's not surprising."

_"She makes me feel on edge as if I can't slack off with her around or she'll attack. I hate you. This was part of your grand plan, wasn't it?"_

Yugyeom pursed his lips, "He almost sounds afraid of you."

"That's not the whole message." She muttered, "But he's not afraid of me. I'm not dangerous."

_"She sort of latches on and grows on you. I mean, it's not that I like her and I'm not her number one fan or anything…but she's alright. She's just broken."_

Mira's jaw clenched and she looked away as Yugyeom watched her every move, "He makes you sound unstable, but I have to admit, he gets smitten really quickly with you. Says that he likes you a few days later. It was a surprising jump, you know how to play people well."

"I don't know what you want me to say." She whispered. "I have nothing to do with Mark's robberies and you know that I don't or you would've charged me for something."

Yugyeom raised a brow, "If all you were doing were going on a road trip then explain this."

Mira frowned at the picture of the mountain that Mark had sent them, "Why? It's just a picture of a mountain. It's where Mark wanted to meet us."

"No, this is a mountain in Italy. A reverse photo search sent us to the exact same image, it came off a calendar." Yugyeom showed her another picture with the same image.

Mira's fists trembled as her eyes glazed up, "So he lied about it all?"

Yugyeom's brows furrowed at her reaction and he sighed, "Yeah. It seems like he did."

\-----

A knock on the door interrupted them and the Detective pointed at Jackson, "Sit tight."

He walked out the room, closing the door behind him before standing next to his partner as they stared at both Mira and Jackson, sitting in interrogation rooms right next to each other.

"What's your gut saying?"

Yugyeom tilted his head, "She has a history of medication. She was involved in that case of the little girl who drowned in the lake but…I don't know. She seems genuinely shaken up and confused. I don't think she knew about Yi En or that he died until I told her."

"Same with him." Detective Lee said while crossing his arms, "Jackson has no priors and a pretty bright future, no reason to ruin it by getting mixed up with Yi En. He looks like he's about to cry."

"So, do you really think this entire thing was just a twisted scavenger hunt and they played along without knowing anything?"

Detective Lee chewed on the inside of his cheek, "He kept asking me if Mark was really dead. He kept calling him Mark. It was like everything I said about Yi En was new to him like he was hearing it for the first time. I don't think these kids knew who Yi En is or was."

"That's it, then." Yugyeom said while slipping his hands into his pockets, watching Mira lean her head down against the table. "They were our last loose end. If they're not connected in any way, the case is closed. We already have the right guys jailed, if they're not connected, we've got them all."

Detective Lee shook his head in incredulity, "These were just a couple of regular university students who thought that they were going to meet up with their friend for spring break. Yi En did this because he _knew_ he wasn't going to come back. Why couldn't he just vanish and let them remember him as the friend that they loved? Why ruin their last memory of him by leading them to the place he died and revealing who he really was?"

"I don't know." Yugyeom said while looking over at Jackson who was covering his face with his hands as tears spilled down his face. "Some people are just selfish like that."

\-----

"W-Wait. That's it? You're letting me go?" Mira asked as Yugyeom escorted her out of the room.

Yugyeom nodded and opened the door for her, "If you could stay in the country in case we need to contact you, that would be great."

"What about Mar-Mark? What about his body? He doesn't have any next of kin." She started breathing heavily as she clawed onto Yugyeom's arm.

He gritted his teeth and tried to pull her nails off of him, but she had latched on and wasn't planning on letting go, "After we finish the paper work and officially close the case, his body is the state's property. You can put in an application if you have a specific request of his burial or cremation."

"Burial." Mira whispered softly.

Yugyeom looked at Mira as she wobbled to the bench outside of the room and barely was able to sit down. "He wants to be buried?"

"No." She breathed out as tears filled her eyes, "He once told me that he didn't want to be buried. He didn't want to be a burden on the people who had to bury him. He didn't want to take up space. He wants to be cremated. Wanted-- _Wanted_ to be cremated." She whispered.

Yugyeom shifted on his feet awkwardly before crouching down in front of her, "I'm sorry for your loss. Mark seemed like a good friend to you and Jackson., you really cared about him. He just didn't make the greatest choices."

"And now he's dead." She whispered while looking down.

The door behind them opened and Yugyeom stood as Detective Lee stepped out with Jackson following behind with his jacket in his hands, his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks sunken in. His eyes landed on Mira and he let his breath out at the mere sight.

Detective Lee stood next to his partner, "We know this must've been hard on you. Thank you for your cooperation, we really appreciate it. We'll be in touch."

Jackson nodded absentmindedly and he and Mira turned away and walked to the door, their lives permanently altered and the last shred of their innocence, gone. They walked in silence, words incapable of conveying the wreckage that was their minds. 

Jackson kept staring straight ahead, his eyes unable to focus on anything as he slowly reached out to take Mira's hand and laced his fingers together with hers. Detective Lee and Yugyeom watched as Jackson held the door open for her.

"I feel bad for them." Yugyeom said while watching them exit. "No closure. Nothing. There's no clean and happy ending for them."

Detective Lee nodded sympathetically before turning away, "But they'll get over it, Yugyeom. It'll take time but they'll get over it."

\-----

They couldn't speak to each other.

They could barely look at each other.

It was like they were strangers who couldn't even talk to each other out of pleasantries.

Everything changed and none of it felt real.

This wasn't their life, their best friend didn't die. This was all a big joke and would have a happy ending when Mark jumps out from behind the car with a grin and _surprise!_ The whole time they were waiting for the other shoe to drop.

For it all to be a joke.

Because they were only 22. They had too much death in their lives to also lose their best friend. The universe wouldn't be that cruel. This didn't happen to real people.

"Oh." She said quietly while pulling something out of her pocket. "I still have the note from the motel."

Jackson glanced at her from the side of his eye, watching her unfold it before her soft voice started whispering the words loud enough for the two of them to just _barely_ hear it. Like a lullaby.

_To Poseidon and Daisy,_

_If you're reading this, then things ended exactly how I had expected them too, but I'll admit, I was hopeful that I would be wrong and have the ending that I didn't deserve. I don't know what to say to you guys and maybe that's why I was a coward. Maybe that's why I chose the way that was the easiest for me but hardest for you._

_You two are the most amazing, genuine, honest, raw people I have ever met but with all the wrong priorities._

_I'm like that._

_And you shouldn't want to end up like me._

_I know if I told you about the real me, you'd try to help. You'd loan me money, you'd try to give me a life, but that's not what I needed. I think I just needed to feel something again and putting my life in danger was the only way how._

_And now I might die but I'm not scared. Maybe I'll finally be with my family because honestly, I can't take the loneliness anymore. I can't stand a second without them but the loneliness was bearable because of you two. I somehow found a new family of people that were just like me in their own ways. I felt like I belonged and that our broken pieces fit together._

_Mira, you're a broken doll. Lena broke you but you have to fucking move on. You lost someone like me, but instead of locking yourself in prison, you have to grow up. You're not 8 anymore. You have to think about what Lena must think of you, seeing you stunt your own growth. You're alive, so you should embrace that._

_Jackson, you're a used doll. You're killing yourself over swimming when the only real reason you're doing it is only because you're good at it. You don't have a path like me, you don't have a dad like me, your mom wouldn't want you to burn yourself out just to make her happy. Just go and fail at something you love._

_I used to dream of a time where I'd have stolen enough money for me to survive, and I could live a life without worry, but I knew that was just wishful thinking._

_Humans are selfish by nature, everything we do is to make ourselves happy and I used to dispute that but I was wrong. I put you through the ringer just to make me happy. This whole trip was so that the two people closest to me, the two people who actually loved me and cared for me would know what happened to me. That someone out there would remember me, who I was, and miss me when I'm gone. That someone would worry and feel loss and sadness over me. They call me a drifter, some who just floats from one place to the next which means I don't have roots anywhere. I don't have anyone to wonder why I haven't called or worry about me if I was gone for too long. I wanted to make sure someone out there would._

_Not just Mark Tuan but Yi En Tuan._

_I wanted you to know who I am. A thief. A criminal. A robber. However you want to describe it. I wanted you to know one good thing in my name. I wanted to redeem myself, the Jungs didn't deserve what I did. I just wanted you to remember all the sides of me, the good, the bad and the arbitrarily fucked up. So now you know that Yi Eun Mark Tuan is gone. Gone for good. You'll remember him and you'll mourn his death._

_I'm sorry._

_But there has been no other person who would keep following my clues without throwing in the towel half way to find me other than you two. No one else that I'd trust. No one else who'd love me as much. And I think I've abused that love but I've never had people like you two in my life. I've never had honest to god friends. You two make me wish I was better._

_I'm glad I ran into you on the first day of classes. I'm glad you never pressed me for details if something about me felt off. I'm glad for your ignorance._

_I'm glad that I felt loved before I died._

_This robbery isn't going to go well. We'll barely make it alive, then they'll notice the money from the Jungs is missing because this is when I'll steal and hide it. They'll get mad, they'll kill me. I accept it. This is the life I chose, it's only fair if I die because of it._

_I'll never forget you two. I'll miss you the most and you two are the reason that this is harder than it has to be. You're the reason that I actually hate myself a little for being in this position. I wish I met you a few years earlier, maybe I'd have turned my life around._

_Maybe I'd still be alive._

_Maybe we could continue being friends, the three of us, grabbing beers together, studying together, laughing together. Fuck, hope and imagination are toxic to your mind._

_I was in a dark hole before I met you two but I got a glimpse of a bright light._

_I feel blessed to have met you, so I hope you feel the same way about each other just like you made me feel. I hope this trip left you with some fond memories and you found the happiness that the two of you so often reject in place of self-loathing. I'm so lucky to have you in my life, even for a short few years. It made me enjoy my life and appreciate what little I had. With you guys, pain didn't exist. I just hope you could learn to feel the same. I hope you learn from my mistakes and live a better life. That's all I wish._

_I'll be looking after you guys from up there._

_I love you._

_Don't forget me._

_Live._

_Yi En Mark Tuan_

_33 W_

_10 STEPS_

_12 N_

_25 STEPS_

Mira jerked her head back when a tear fell on the page before she realized that she was crying. She set the letter down and wiped her face trying to hide her face but one short glance at Jackson and she could tell he was in no better state.

"Um…" He cleared his throat while wiping his eyes, "What were those numbers at the end?"

She stared at it, blinking back her tears, "33W. 33 degrees West. It's probably your compass. He wants us to find something."

"Where are we supposed to go?" He asked thickly.

"Go back to the motel. He probably didn't expect us to get picked up by the cops, so he assumed we'd read this there."

Jackson took a sharp u-turn and drove speedily and recklessly down the road, running through all sorts of red lights before making it back to the motel in a dangerously short amount of time. They got out of the car and wasted no time to climb over the fence before standing by the door. Jackson pulled the compass out and the two of them followed it as they were led off the motel grounds and to the grassy land next to it.

"23, 24, 25. 25 steps. It should be here." Jackson said as he stood atop of the spot.

Mira got on her knees and used her hands to dig at the soil. Jackson got down next to her and helped her out under their fingers hit something metal just a few centimetres down. 

Mira sat back and let Jackson dig the rest around until he pulled out a metal box. The two of them held their breaths until he opened it up to reveal its contents.

Mira reached into the box and pulled out a stack of different photos of Mark with Jackson and Mira. Pictures of them eating, laughing studying, hanging out at the park. Some of the pictures were older of him with his parents as a teenager, smiling innocently, purity radiating off his face.

Jackson looked through the box where some of Mark's belongings laid. His beanie, some of his worn out bracelets, a necklace similar to the one around Mira's neck, a small switch blade, a dried flower and an old camera. He picked up the bracelet, one that had a small metal cross hanging off the chain and trailed his finger tip across it.

Mira set the photos down after seeing one of Mark and his little sister. "You know what?" She said hoarsely while staring at the box. "I think I'll just take the train back home."

Jackson looked over at her and met her eyes in shock. "Really?"

"We passed a station a little while back. I think…I think I should just take the train. It'll probably be faster too." She said while standing up.

He looked away and nodded, "I'll take the car back to the mechanic. I'd rather drive back anyways."

"Alright. Good." She said while clearing her throat. "So…should you just take the box back or…"

He stood and dusted his hands, "Yeah, sure. Just take what you want and I'll drive the rest back."

"It's fine. I don't want any of it." She said briskly.

He blinked at her, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I don't want his things." She said before going to the car and opening the trunk before grabbing her bags.

"I can drive you to the station if you want." He offered when she closed the trunk.

She shook her head and heaved her bag over her shoulder, "I'd rather walk."

"Okay." He said helplessly.

They stared at each other, awkwardness in the air, something they never felt before until she rolled her shoulders back.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded casually, "Yeah. Have a safe trip back."

"You too."

It was a goodbye without the words.

It was a goodbye with no promise of a welcome home.

It was just goodbye.


	16. Chapter 16

So…what now?

That's all Jackson thought about the entire drive back up until he was parking in the driveway.

What now?

There was nothing left for him to do but just go on with his life. He couldn't mourn, not when there wasn't anyone for him to actually talk to. People barely knew Mark. How was he supposed to explain that he died? That he was murdered? That it all happened before he could've done something to help.

He had nothing.

It was done.

He just had to mourn on his own, collecting the darkness into himself, turning it into a ball that would, hopefully, become so small that it wouldn't hurt as much.

Jackson leaned his forehead against the steering wheel and slumped forward while letting out shaky breaths. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to remember what he did when his father died. He was a kid, all he remembered was not being able to sleep and locking himself in his bedroom whenever he saw his mother crying.

He would crawl into his mother's bed and snuggle up next to her, it made it all bearable. Death was just death. He never had to dig deeper and understand his feelings, he just had to move on and forget. He never really _dealt_ with his dad's death, he just moved on, he found other things to distract him because he was just a kid.

Jackson cleared his throat and wiped his face before getting out of his car with his bags and Mark's box. He had the bullet chain swinging around his neck as he trudged up to his door. It was like he was on auto pilot, none of his motions registered with him, they just worked on muscle memory.

He swung the door open and paused when he found Jaebum walking across the foyer while drinking a water bottle.

Fuck, he forgot about this whole problem. 

"Oh hey." Jackson murmured while closing the door behind him. "I forgot you were coming home today."

Jaebum grinned in response until he noticed Jackson's bag in his hand and frowned, "Did you go somewhere?"

"Huh?" Jackson asked distractedly before looking down at his hand, "Oh…yeah."

Jaebum scratched the back of his neck awkwardly when his friend didn't fill in the blanks, "Where'd you go?"

"Just…around. I don't know, it's hard to explain." Jackson sighed while tossing his bag to the side.

Jaebum's frowned deepened, "Alone or did you go with someone?"

"We're friends, right?" Jackson lifted his head, his bloodshot, dark eyes taking Jaebum by surprise.

Jaebum beamed and slung his arm around Jackson, "Brothers."

"So how come you never told me that you dated Mira?"

Jaebum's smile froze before it slowly melted off into a look of distaste as he stepped away from him, "How did you find out?"

"It doesn't matter. Why didn't you tell me?" Jackson asked with a frown.

Jaebum looked away and shrugged, "Trying to be nice I guess. I didn't want to make her feel bad by telling everyone, plus I'm not super proud of it either."

"Why wouldn't you be proud of being with someone like her? Anyone else would be plastering it on a billboard." Jackson's voice got tighter.

Jaebum's face changed as his entire body stiffened. "You're not into her, are you?"

Jackson let out a laugh, "Why should it matter? Why are you so against her? You seemed fine when I took her to my room."

"There's a huge difference between you hooking up with her and you actually liking her." Jaebum said with a glare.

Jackson ruffled his hair, "Is this just because you dated her first because I get it, I can respect that."

"I don't give a shit about that." Jaebum said seriously. "You don't know her, Jackson, she's nothing like the girl she pretends to be on campus. She's fucked up, man. There's nothing about her that's healthy for you to be around. She stabbed me in my hand because she was off her meds and got mad at me for calling her out about it and when I tried to leave she started crying and saying that she loved me. I knew I had to get the hell out of there and that was years ago, she's probably only gotten worse. I'm telling you this for your own good, she is bad news." Jaebum barked out without taking a breath.

Jackson stared at Jaebum for a long time, his eyes flickering across his face sadly,"Did you ever ask her why?"

Jaebum gave him an incredulous look, "What are you talking about?"

"Did you ever ask her why she's on meds? Why she's upset? Did you actually ever try talking to her or do you just tune out every girl you ever sleep with?" Jackson's voice got stiffer with every word.

Jaebum gave him a laugh, "Why would I care? I didn't like her enough for that. It's not my fault that she loved me. I didn't tell her to, I didn't lead her on. I thought we had an understanding, so I kept out of her business. I wasn't her boyfriend. That wasn't my job and it wasn't like listening to her problems were going to fix them."

Jackson stared at Jaebum in disbelief. This was his best friend. His "brother." His teammate. This was the man that Jackson had also thought was respectable despite his long list of former conquests. This was the man that Jackson actually enjoyed the company of aside from Mark.

Was he always this shallow and awful?

"Do you _ever_ give a shit about anyone other than yourself?" Jackson breathed out.

Jaebum's jaw stiffened, "Get off your high horse. I'm there for my friends and my team, so what if I don't hold therapy sessions with every girl I'm with? You're the same way, you barely know the names of the girls who fall at your feet but you pretend that you're this gentleman that we should all look up to and you're judging _me_?"

"Whatever." Jackson muttered before going up the stairs. "I'm too tired to deal with this now."

Jaebum rolled his shoulders back, "The Great Jackson Wang, if he doesn't like something, the whole world needs to shut up and let him have his way."

"Shut up, Jaebum." He growled, a new found anger towards him burning in his heart, everything out of Jaebum's mouth, even the sight of him, irritated him. Seeing him act like that after everything that just transpired seemed petty and immature, it was like everything around him stayed the same while his whole world shattered.

"You spent time with Mira, didn't you? That's why you're acting like this, isn't it? Didn't pin you as the type that would let themselves be brainwashed and manipulated by some chick."

When Jackson didn't reply, Jaebum scoffed and threw his hands up, "Dude, come on. we are _not_ fighting about a girl, right now."

Jackson stopped mid-step and stared at him from up the stairs. This wasn't about Mira, this was never about Mira. This was about some sick competitiveness that they had that Jackson had never really noticed until now. He and Jaebum were never friends, they were just friendly rivals.

Mark was a friend, his only friend. The only person who didn't think of Jackson as the Great Jackson Wang and he was the only person who didn't see Mira as the Golden Child. He saw them for who they were and accepted them for it.

"No actually, we're not fighting about a girl at all."

Jaebum scowled, "So what the hell are you mad about? Why are we doing this?"

"It's not important." Jackson said to himself as he walked to his room.

None of it was important anymore. 

Mark was gone and he wasn't coming back. 

What else mattered?

\-----

Mira walked into her apartment, tossing her bags aside before standing, frozen, in her foyer.

She was home. 

But it didn't feel like that. 

It felt like a foreign space like she was looking at a model home. 

Everywhere she looked she could see Mark. 

He was in her kitchen, looking for food, or on her small couch, falling asleep and her room, god, she didn't know how she was expected to be in her room when that was where they spent the most time together. Everything stayed the same, left in the places where she had placed them before she left but in her mind, it was like everything around her changed. 

She walked into her room and shut her eyes, trying to block out the sound of his voice echoing off the walls. She could almost smell his cheap soap and hear his high pitched laughter. It was haunting. She peeled her eyes open and immediately spotted her pills on her bedside table. A hoarse chuckle left her lips as she walked over to it and picked it up. She stared at the bottle before popping the cap open and shook out two pills, one more than she needed, before picking up a room temperature bottle of wine that she had left on her table before leaving with Jackson. She swallowed both pills before washing it down with the tart tasting wine.

Letting out a growl mixed as a wince, Mira pulled her bag to her feet and opened it before shuffling around. She pulled out the small dream catcher from her bag and stared at It, trailing her finger across the feathers. She needed all the help she could get, she needed to empty her mind, she needed it all to get out of her system. She wanted to purge every memory of Mark out of her so she wouldn't have it lingering over her like a cloud. She gritted her teeth before standing up and hanging it over her bed.

She wondered how much good it would do.

She ran her lip under her teeth while closing her blinds to block out the sun, she pulled her blankets back before crawling in and tucking herself under them. She stared up at the ceiling as tears collected in the corners of her eyes before slipping down the side of her cheeks. Mira pulled her pillow over her face and pressed down before screaming into the cloth at the top of her lungs.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

He wasn't supposed to die.

Hadn't they lost enough people?

_"What's the worst thing you've ever done?"_

_Mark looked up from his notebook at Mira's sudden question and found her staring at him from her desk._

_He closed his book and leaned against the wall, "Why?"_

_"I read this case of a woman who lived with her adult son and didn't know he was a serial killer. If your own mother couldn't tell how fucked up her own kid is, how is anyone supposed to trust anyone in this world?" She asked while stretching her legs out on the bed._

_Mark chewed on the inside of his cheek before looking up at the ceiling in thought, "I guess the worst thing I've done would be lying."_

_"But we all lie." Mira said with a frown._

_Mark grinned while opening his notebook up again, "Yeah but we don't all lie the same way."_

_When she fell silent in thought, he looked up from his notebook before tilting his head, "What about you? Other than Lena, what's the worst thing you've done?"_

_"I don't know." Mira said honestly, "I think that was the worst thing and ever since then I've been so scared to do anything worse."_

_Mark twirled his pen before doodling in his book, "You're lucky. You still have some innocence left."_

_"Yeah?" She said with a bitter laugh, "I killed my friend when I was 8 and was labeled a murdered by all my family since then. What innocence do I have left?"_

_"You have all your innocence left because the worst thing you did was something you didn't actually do." Mark fired back, stunning her into a silence._

_Mira turned away in her chair and Mark sighed before tossing his notebook aside and crawled across the bed so that he was sitting on the edge. He spun her chair around and gripped her by the knees, "Your world isn't over yet. You still have the rest of your life to be better, to_ feel _better. That's what innocence is, the chance to be better."_

_Mira pouted slightly before reaching out and brushing his bangs to the side, "So aren't you the same way? You have the rest of your life to be better and fix your lies."_

_"That's the proof right there, Daisy." Mark mumbled. "That fact that you believe in that is proof you still have your innocence."_

\-----

Sartre said that the absurdity of death is not the brain becoming non-functional or the body becoming deceased. It is the existence of the people who are left behind who now decide the meaning attributed to the life of the person who died.

Be careful who you leave behind when you die because they will be the ones to carry your legacy. To tell your story. To write you narrative.

The next morning, Mira stood in front of the wall of graffiti, she hadn't been there in years. 

She didn't know how she woke up that morning because she couldn't remember falling asleep, she just opened her eyes and was hit with immediate lethargy. She wanted to fall asleep again but the sleeping pills had worn off and her body wasn't going to let her pass out. Her eyes and face were tired but her body wouldn't shut down.

Never when she needed it the most.

She stared at the wall where new paintings were covering up old one, where brighter, fresher paints were coated on top of chipped fading ones.

But there was one that was left untouched. It wasn't her painting of a crappy daisy.

It was the one of her portrait.

The one Mark painted.

She swallowed the rock down her throat and stared at herself. The hair was a little different, shorter but it was her, she remembered it clearly from the day he first made it.

He shaded her in with purple but the rest was black and white, but it wasn't her face that caught her attention, it was her eyes. He gave her bright, happy eyes. He gave her eyes that looked like she had never missed a wink of sleep in her life.

He gave her eyes that screamed life.

Somehow he saw something worth saving in her eyes.

Mira's eyes drifted to the corner of her picture and spotted Mark's signature. Mira felt her eyes water as she stepped up to the wall and slowly stretched her arm out. Her throat felt numbed as she pressed the tips of her fingers against his black fingerprints.

It was cold against her fingers but Mark was always warm. He was always alive.

Was.

Now he was just a memory, a memory that she couldn't sort out whether it was fond or bitter.

He was just there in the forefront of her mind, reminding her that he was once there and now was gone and that he was leaving her alone with the gap in her life, forcing her to try to figure out how to fill it on her own.

He left Daisy alone.

\-----

Jackson pulled his hood over his head before he took off, running down his regular path at the break of dawn.

He had music blasting in his ears but it felt impossible to block out whatever thoughts ran across his mind. Everything with Jaebum was awkward, they didn't speak to each other since he walked away and there was an unspoken silence pact between them, where none of them acknowledged each other.

It was easy to ignore Jaebum and just hideaway in his room or escape the house and kill time outdoors, but he couldn't escape the loneliness. He no longer had the option to text Mark to meet up. And he didn't live in the alternate universe where he could just call up Mira and crawl into bed with her and just fall asleep until he _had_ to wake up.

He shut his eyes and pushed the twisting sickness out of his stomach at the thought of Mira as he let the chill morning air whip at him. He wondered how Mira was handling everything, if she was pushing Mark out of her memory or if she was crumbling down with no real support helping her.

Because he was falling into the latter.

He wanted to talk to her so badly, he wanted to hear her voice, he wanted to get annoyed at her cockiness and he wanted to experience her becoming soft in front of him. He couldn't count the times he reached for his phone in an attempt to call her before he'd chicken out.

 _Fuck_ he missed her. 

It could be idealistic and maybe he was romanticising Mark's death and the toll it would have on him but he swore that if Mira was still with him and willing to put their messy relationship status aside just to deal with Mark's death properly, he might've felt like the entire thing would be survivable, that he'd have a chance to get over the entire thing properly. Mira was the only person who was going through the same thing as him, the only person who could bring normalcy into his life but she wanted nothing to do with him. She wanted to mourn on her own and he couldn't refute that.

So he'd have to do it too, no matter how bad he was at it. 

And now he still had a week before school started and it felt like he had nothing to do with his time. When someone was lonely and had skeletons haunting them, free time was the most volatile thing in the world. He didn't want to spend all this time in silence with nothing occupying him and ripping him from reality. He couldn't believe how stark of a difference the world seemed ever since he made it back to campus. Everything looked like it was filtered with a different colour but at the same time, it felt like he was back where he started.

With Mark nowhere to be found, his shoulder still screaming in pain and Mira, nothing but someone who he was supposed to pretend he didn't know. And yet it was easier to deal with back then. It almost felt surreal that there was ever a moment that he could touch and kiss her without thought.

Now she was just gone.

They had nothing left in their memories of each other but his weak confession and Mark's death. 

"Jackson! Jackson!"

He frowned when he heard his name and slowed down before pulling his earphones out and turning to the source. His eyes flinched when he saw the girl from before run towards him, the one he had run into at the supermarket before he had left to look for Mark.

"Shit." Jackson hissed through his teeth as he searched desperately through his brain for her name. He couldn't even make up a last name to match her face, he was drawing an enormous blank. He knew her name before, he figured it out that supermarket but he had nothing.

"Hey!" She said as she caught her breath, "I didn't know you ran this route, I run this all the time."

Jackson cleared his throat and grinned, "Yeah, I come on some mornings when I don't have practice."

She beamed brightly and started talking about her vacation, a thin sheen of sweat glistening all over her face as she stood in front of him in her sports bra and tight leggings. Two weeks ago he'd be considering taking her up on a coffee date and maybe taking her back to his place for another type of morning workout, but staring at her now, he just felt tired.

His life felt exhausting. He didn't know how he was the way he was for so long in the past because it was the most draining feeling ever. Balancing all these people, trying to make them like him when he, in fact, didn't care about them enough to actually value their friendship. Why did he even bother? 

"I don't remember your name." He blurted out abruptly, cutting her off mid-sentence.

Her smile fell as she gaped at him, "What?"

"I'm really sorry, you're really nice and seem really sweet. I'm an asshole but I'm probably going to be a bigger asshole if I pretend like I remembered it and lead you on. You're better than that and to be honest, you're probably better than me. So, I'm sorry but I don't remember your name and you deserve to be around someone who does." He said in one breath.

The girl just stared at him before sneering, "Prick." She muttered under her breath, loud enough for him to hear before she ran past him.

Jackson watched her disappear and sighed before closing his eyes. He could hear Mark's voice, scolding him saying that he didn't have to be blunt and some shit about how he shouldn't be adding more enemies in a world where everyone was at war.

"If you were just here, it'd be a lot better." Jackson said brokenly to himself as tears started gathering up in his eyes. "Fuck." He mumbled to himself, squeezing his eyes shut to avoid the tears before he started running again.

"I fucking hate you." Jackson whispered as he turned down the street with his head hung low.

He wasn't sure who he hated.

Mark for leaving him that abruptly and painfully.

Jaebum for breaking Mira and acting like he had no responsibility over how he hurt her.

Or himself for losing everything important to him. 

It was the first time that Poseidon felt like he was drowning.


	17. Chapter 17

Jackson rang the doorbell and waited, the familiarity washing over him in a serene calmness that he hadn't felt since he got in his car.

He held his breath when the door opened and felt everything around him start to crumble when he saw the woman on the other side, "H-Hi."

"Oh!" She said with wide and surprised eyes, "Jackson, honey, what are you doing here? You didn't tell me you were coming."

He swallowed the lump down his throat before stepping forward and wrapping his arms around his mother who didn't miss a beat before her own arms wound around his shoulder, "Sweetie?" She whispered softly, "Is everything okay?"

He grunted before closing his eyes and basking in the scent that defined his childhood. That perfume always made him feel like he was safe and protected. Her hand came up and stroked the back of his head.

"Why don't you come in? I was making lunch anyways." She said as he pulled away.

Jackson nodded and pulled away before trailing after her into his childhood home. "Hey, Roxie. How are you, girl?" He said when his mother's small puppy came running up to him, pawing at his calves for attention.

"How's school?" His mom called out from the kitchen. "You're finished exams right?"

Jackson hummed in response before picking Roxie up and sitting down on the couch before setting her on his stomach. "School's starting back in a week, I thought I'd drop by when I have the time."

His mother glancing at him through the doorway, taking in the vacant, tired eyes that were such a departure from his regular cheerful radiance that he'd carry with him when he visited her. He didn't seem like her Jackson.

"How's Jaebum?" She asked casually.

Jackson stared at Roxie, the size of his palm easily bigger than her entire face, "He's okay…we're not really talking or anything right now."

"Oh." She said slowly, taking in the information, "Did you fight?"

Roxie climbed up Jackson's chest and nosed his jaw, "Kind of, I don't know, it was more of a disagreement. We didn't see eye to eye on something kind of important."

"I see." She murmured.

Jackson licked his lips and fisted his hand, "I feel like I don't know him anymore, he isn't the same guy I thought I knew."

She laughed, making Jackson look over at her, "What? How is that funny?"

"It's amazing." She said while shaking her head, "You're the same ignorant kid that I couldn't live without."

He frowned and sat up, "What do you mean?"

"I don't think Jaebum isn't the same guy you thought you knew, sweetheart. I think you're just not the same person that you were when you met him. He stayed the same, you changed and now you're blaming him."She said softly.

Jackson scowled, "It's not like it's my fault."

"It's probably no one's fault. You're 22, you're going to grow and change constantly. You outgrew Jaebum." She said while finishing up the lunch she was making.

Jackson fell silent before he curled up on the couch while hugging Roxie to his chest, "Mom?"

She stilled, her heart lurching when she heard the tremble in his voice, "Hm?"

"How did you deal with dad dying?" He whispered. 

Her shoulders dropped as she brought the dishes to the dining table, "I don't know. It just happened, I wasn't given a choice and no one prepared me with what it was going to feel like, I just let everything unravel for a long time and when I was ready, I started to re-spool myself."

"Were you ever angry at dad?" He asked while sitting up.

He wished he could ask her if she ever had to go through his dad's death like he had to go through Mark's. He had to witness the journey Mark took before he died, follow his last steps before going to meet his demise.

She sat down at the table and turned to look at him with a smile, "Of course. Every day, I blamed him for hurting me, for putting me through this, for leaving me alone with a son, for leaving his son alone without a father, I blamed him for everything because that was the only feeling that made sense." She looked at her finger with her wedding ring, "Over time I figured myself out. I wasn't mad at your dad, I was mad that I was alone, that I didn't know what to do."

Jackson stood up and walked over to her before sitting across from her. She reached out and brushed his hair back lovingly, "Then I realized that I had you. I had this little boy that never cried because he was scared. I had this little boy that would sneak into my room and hug me tight in the middle of the night. Suddenly it got a lot easier, having someone who stood by your side and loved you made it better. It was just me and you, sweetheart."

"I need surgery." He whispered with teary eyes.

Her smile fell as her eyes widened as she grasped his face between her palms, "W-Why? What happened? Are you okay?"

"My shoulder is done." He rasped out, "I-I can't swim anymore, or at least for a long time if the surgery is successful."

His mother's lip quivered before she pulled him into her arms as his tears overflowed, "I'm so sorry."

"I don't know what to do with my life now. Everything is a mess." He sputtered.

She hushed him and rocked him back and forth, "It'll be fine. We'll figure it all out."

"Everything's falling apart." He muttered.

She closed her eyes and held him tighter, "That means you can still put it back together."

\-----

People say that your twenties are your most important years because that is the time when you begin forming the person that will stay with you for the rest of your life no matter what happens.

It's a new era of formative years that mould the way you view the world and yourself. Most people are half way through that journey but Mira and Jackson were starting again from scratch.

They were rediscovering themselves without Mark as a factor.

Mira smoothed the floral dress down her body and glanced in the mirror, making sure the concealer she had loaded on under her eyes was doing its job. She didn't look anything like herself, which was the exact look she was going for. She looked cheerful and peppy and full of life.

Letting out a breath, she grabbed the bottle of unopened wine and strode up the driveway in her heels before ringing the doorbell. The door swung open and the smile on the person's face started to fade when they saw her.

"M-Mira. You're here."

She beamed brightly at Lena's mother and held the wine out to her, "It's nice to see you. It's been so long."

Lena's mom slowly took the bottle from her before looking at her with the same shock, "Your parents said that you weren't going to make it."

"My plans fell through so I thought I could stop since I had the time." She said politely.

Lena's mother blinked at her before snapping out of her daze, "W-Well come in. Your parents are in the backyard."

Mira smile gratefully and laced her hands behind her back to hide the nervous sweat that was growing on it as she followed Lena's mother. She could see her relatives mingling in the living room stop and stare at her when she walked by. She knew that they recognized her and were wondering why she was there.

She kept her gaze forward and slightly crossed her eyes so that her vision was blurred so she could ignore their stares. Once they made it to the yard, she was able to catch her breath when she spotted her parents talking to her aunt while sipping wine.

Her dad saw her first, his eyes widening as he took a step towards her, "Mira?"

Her mother turned in confusion, her lips parting at the sight of her. Lena's mother had disappeared somewhere, giving Mira the limited privacy of reuniting with her parents. They came up to her and gave her a quick hug.

"Hon, what are you doing here? I thought you didn't want to come." Her father said while her mother fussed over Mira's hair.

She shrugged and looked down, "I just wanted to be out in public."

"What do you mean?" Her father asked as her mother handed Mira a glass of wine.

She grabbed her mother's hand and squeezed while shaking her head, "I just missed you guys and wanted to see you before you get on your next flight."

"Are you okay with being here?" Her mother murmured.

Mira struggled to smile, "I'll be okay."

"We're glad you're here, hon." Her father said softly. "We've missed you too. How's school?"

She nodded, "Good, nothing new."

"Any boys?" Her mother quirked with a smirk.

Her father rolled his eyes, "Oh please don't start." Mira's silence caught his attention and his expression was quick to change, "Wait are you serious? You have a boyfriend?"

"No, I don't." Mira said with a laugh.

Her mother snickered, "No, but you clearly like one."

"It's too difficult to want a relationship with anyone now in my state." Mira said seriously.

Her father's lips turned down, "That's not true. Just because you're having a hard time doesn't mean you can't be in a healthy relationship. I actually wrote my dissertation about romance and mental illness."

"Sweetheart…" Her mother started, but her father paid no heed.

"Romanticizing mental illness is toxic to the community, not because they shouldn't find romance but because we believe that romance will fix those illnesses. Relationships are a source of mutual support, trust, and dependence. Disabilities shouldn't be treated like something that should be fixed, but something that should be accepted." He said studiously.

Mira blinked at him blankly before her mother sighed, "What he's trying to say is that you can't be that standoffish, there's nothing wrong with you liking or wanting a relationship with someone just because of your past. You just need to find acceptance."

"Right well…"

"Have you been sleeping better?" Her mother asked when she saw the discomfort in Mira's features.

Mira took a sip of her drink and nodded, "I still use the pills, though."

"If you want therapy, we ca--"

"I'm fine, dad." She said with a smile.

Her mother frowned, "There's no shame in getting help."

"I'm fine."

\-----

Fine was less than the perfect word to use.

After talking to her parents, Mira decided to walk around which only made her face the reality that she really didn't belong here, with the rest of her "family." No one would make eye contact with her but when they thought she wasn't looking, they'd stare at her like she was a mutant species.

She'd hear the whispers too, those were the worst.

Her relatives were spreading the story, telling people who didn't know her what they _thought_ they knew about her. Telling them their version of the story, that she lured Lena, or let go of her on purpose or pushed her into the water. She heard it all.

The fight or flight instinct in her was triggering and she wanted to run.

She wanted to run so badly.

It was like her brain was breaking down and she couldn't separate her cognitive function from letting their stares and words distract her. Her skin felt too tight and uncomfortable like it was suffocating her and she felt self-conscious that every breath she took was being judged.

She wanted to stick by her parents but she knew it would only make it worse if she had to stand by while her parents talked to relatives who really just wanted to make a spectacle out of her.

Walking out of the bathroom, Mira froze when she saw a picture of Lena hanging on the wall amongst a collage of other family photos and memories. Mira stared at the picture, at the challenging lilt in Lena's eyes and the devilish grin on her lips. Lena would've been a smart and beautiful woman if she was still alive.

"I know you miss her."

Mira turned and jumped when Lena's mom stood behind her with a glass of white wine in her hand and her eyes glazed from what she could only imagine was an unhealthy amount of Xanax, "We all do."

She turned back to look at the picture, "Did you ever believe that I did it on purpose?"

"What?" Lena's mom asked while taking a sip of her drink.

"When you saw me next to that hole in the ice, you must've realized what happened right away, did you ever believe that I killed her?"

"I still don't know what to believe. I don't think you're a sociopath, but I know that kids do things without thinking about the consequences. I resented you, no, _hated_ you for years because I blamed you and even today, seeing you at my door, smiling, made me hate you even more." She said bitterly.

"I know." Mira said softly.

Lena's mom shook her head with an astringent look, "You remind me so much of her. The way you walk and talk, it's all Lena. I can't even look at you without seeing her. I think that's why I hate you so much. If she wasn't out with you, if she didn't know you, if you didn't exist, she'd be alive. She'd be in a dress at this party too. I can't get over that."

"I should go." Mira said gently, her voice cracking as her body shaking violently.

"I'd appreciate that." She turned and tilted the remnants of her wine down her throat in one long gulp before walking away.

Mira's eyes glazed over while looking back at the picture. She didn't know what she expected to get out of coming here. Maybe she was so desperate to fill her mind with something that wasn't her own thoughts that she forced herself to attend the source of her insomnia and anxiety.

Or maybe she hoped that coming here would bring her some closure and forgiveness.

Mira felt the tears coming and quickly ran out of the house, to her car when her heel snapped, sending her skidding down the driveway. She groaned at the stinging burn on her shins and palms and she sat up. She looked at her palms, the bloody scratches and the cuts on her legs.

It hurt so much.

She closed her eyes and leaned against the wheel of her car as her breaths came out in ragged gasps. She couldn’t do this for much longer, every time she tried being responsible and taking a step towards getting better, it all just backfired on her. Mark would've helped her. He would've told her how to deal with this and what to do next. He'd tell her that it meant a lot that she tried. She brought her knees up and hugged them while rocking back and forth.

That entire house was stuck in the past, they were stuck in a time when Lena was still alive and her attendance was the harsh reminder that Lena was gone.

That was her now.

First Lena and now Mark, both their deaths were trapped in her head. She was living in a state of paradoxical mourning. Pulling her heels off her feet, she stood up and threw them in the back of her car before getting into the driver's seat. She slouched forward and sat, immobile before a sudden burst of rage filled her. She screamed at the top of her lungs and slammed her fist repeatedly against the wheel until her knuckles were sore. Her energy drained right away and her body drooped forward. Anger. She was fucking angry.

Not at Lena.

Not at Lena's mom.

Not at her asshole relatives.

She was angry at Mark.

He did this to her. He broke her. He could've asked for help, he could've _tried_ to stay alive. He said it himself, her, and Jackson were the only things making him want to stay, so why couldn't he? Instead, the only actual friend she had left abandoned her and let her suffer through it all again.

All by herself.

She let out another loud scream before hitting her head against the wheel. She could try and deny it all she wanted but he was gone.

She hated him for it.

He was supposed to be alive. He _should_ be alive, laughing, teasing and _living_. She closed her eyes tightly and took even breaths, trying to cool herself down before she sat up.

Maybe she was a little mad at Jackson too.

Mad that he let her push him away.

And maybe she was even more mad at herself.

For thinking, it was the right thing to do.

This entire day was a mistake but then again, it felt like everything she did was.

\-----

Mira was sitting at the bar with her broken heels on the seat next to her while nursing the same bottle beer she had been working since she sat down.

The bar was desolate for a Tuesday afternoon on a college campus.

"Is this chair empty?"

Mira shook her head and grabbed her heels before turning her head. Her body stiffened as she stared up at Jaebum. Her eyes darkened and she let go of her heels, letting them drop back next to her before turning back to face the bar.

Jaebum snickered before walking around and taking the seat on the other side of her. "'Still the same personality, I see."

"Fuck off."She growled, "There are a dozen seats here, don't fucking take the one next to me because I want nothing to do with you."

He shook his head and leaned against the counter, "Can I get a whiskey?" He looked over at her, "You better fix whatever shit you pulled on Jackson."

"I don't know what you're talking about." She muttered while tipping the drink against her lips.

He narrowed his eyes, "If this is your way of getting back at me, it's low. Jackson doesn't deserve whatever it is you did to him. Ever since I came back Jackson's been acting differently and apparently you told him about us, so I'm guessing this has to do with you."

"You're not important enough for me to use someone else to try to hurt you."She said, her anger resurfacing and bubbling at the top while her mind drifted off to Jackson.

She barely got a chance to think about him. Was he really hurting that badly? What did Jaebum mean that Jackson was acting differently? Was he okay? Her heart clenched painfully at the thought of him, stumbling through Mark's death alone. Her hand started to shake so she set her beer down.

All Jackson wanted was to let her know that he liked her enough that the thought of loving her didn't seem like such a farfetched idea.

The two of them relied on each other more than she realized through the whole trip and yet when they needed each other the most they fell apart.

"Whatever you said to Jackson is messing with our friendship. I told you to back off of him, to let him live. I know you're fucked up but why did you have to pull him down too?" Jaebum's voice fell soft.

Mira didn't move right away, "I didn't pull him down." She said equally as soft, "He was always being pulled down, just not by me."

"Do you even like him?" Jaebum asked incredulously. "Why are you making everything a mess if you don't like him."

She shook her head as if she was dismissing him, her eyes landing on the knife sitting near the sliced limes, "You think you know everything, that it's all cut and dry but you don't. You don't have a fucking clue."

"Just back the fuck off. If you're going to be self-destructive, keep Jackson away from your shrapnel."

She reached out and picked the knife up before turning to him. His eyes darted down to it and he saw the nervousness flash across his features because he knew that she wouldn't hesitate to use it.

If he thought she was crazy, she wouldn't stop him, "You don't know me. You barely know Jackson. You don't know if I like him or not. You don't know how I feel about him, you don't know how he feels about me."

"You're still hurting." He said gently, "Whatever you're going through, you need to deal with it first before getting someone else involved. Your problems become theirs and if you don't know how to deal with it yourself, it's not fair to expect him to do the same."

Her voice wasn't her own. It was angry, dark, vicious, threatening and a little bit exhausted, "Fuck off. I'm done with you tailing me around, muttering in my ear like some kind of guilty conscious. You're pathetic and you act like I'm the one not over you when you're the one that keeps trying to start with me. Jackson's a grown ass man, you're in no position to act like you know what's best for him or me."

She gripped the knife tighter, making Jaebum roll his eyes, "I warned him already, it's his fault if you end up killing him." He stood up and grabbed his drink before walking off into the depths of the bar.

Her hand immediately let go of the knife and it clattered on the counter. She looked up and saw the bartender staring at her, "I wasn't going to actually use it on him."

She opened her purse and paid for her drink before standing up. She grabbed her heels and trudged out of the bar, wincing as the sun blinded her. She made it to her car and immediately picked up her phone before pulling up Jackson's contact.

She stared at it, her eyes running over his name before she typed her message out.

**To: Jackson Wang**

**I'm sorry.**

**I miss you.**

**Can I come over?**

\-----

Jackson froze as he stared at his phone, his heart pounding violently.

He had opened up Mira's contact and was staring aimlessly at their last conversation from before they found out about Mark, it was him asking for where she was when he couldn't find her that one day after he told her he loved her.

The only time he ever needed to text her because it was the only time when she wasn't next to him, the only time he didn't know where she was. He was in the middle of reminiscing when he saw the three dots appear on the bottom left corner of the text conversation, indicating that the person was in the process of writing something.

He could hear the beat of his heart in his ears as he waited, his palms sweaty, nervous for her message to come. To see what she was going to say to him. Hoping that it would give him the chance to see her.

But then suddenly, the three dots were gone and there was no message. She had written something, she _had_ to have, that's what the dots meant. She must've erased it.

She must've backed out.

He waited 5 seconds, then 10, then 20, then a minute, then 5 minutes before his stomach fell to his feet.

Nothing.


	18. Chapter 18

Mira stood at the doors of the campus building, just watching.

Watching everyone scurry across to meet up with and hug their friends after having not seen each other for 3 weeks. It was typical behaviour that always happened after long breaks, the dramatic reunions.

In the past she wouldn't think twice about it, in fact, she found it quite touching that people missed each other that much. But now, standing there, watching them miss each other knowing that none of them would even notice a fellow student was gone for good.

Oh, wait.

Right.

Mark wasn't a student. 

She took a deep breath and started walking across the quad where a group of friends had started kicking a ball back and forth. It was surreal. Everything was back to normal, everyone was laughing, smiling and basking in the sun, completely unaware of the truth.

No one knew about Mark, no one will know he's missing and they will all continue with their lives.

It was like an entirely different universe.

She felt so disassociated from her peers.

She lifted her head and stopped in her tracks when she saw the bench where her and Mark was hanging out when they were eating ice cream. She swallowed the growing lump down her throat and took a shaky breath before turning her head and continuing to walk forward.

This was how it was going be, wasn't it?

Her apartment and the entirety of the campus will forever be stuck in the past. Nothing would be different because no one would notice Mark's disappearance, they wouldn't think twice about the fact that they hadn't seen the kid they shared a class for half a year in a month. They'd go back to normal and she'd be back in a mindset where Mark wasn't gone. She'd pretend that he was just on vacation or on a trip, ignoring the harsh truth. But then it'd hit her, she'd see his contact on her phone or find his pen on her desk and it'd all come crumbling down.

She would just have to wait for the shoe to drop.

"Mira!"

She stiffened before looking over her shoulder where Hyeri was running up to her with a bright grin. Mira shifted awkwardly as she ran up to her. Her eyes widened when Hana threw her arms around her, hugging her.

They weren't these types of friends. They never touched, they barely shook hands. Mira stiffly patted her on the back before being the first to pull away.

"How was your break?" Hyeri quipped while stepping away.

Mira's eyes darkened and her face shifted defensively, "It was fine."

Hyeri's smile faltered, clearly pricked by Mira's curt response but she didn't give up, "That's good. My break was fun. I met this guy, we had a bit of a fling, nothing serious, it really boosted my ego."

"That's...nice." Mira didn't know what she was expected to say to that. She didn't know Hyeri enough to actually feel happy for her and her new fling. It was bizarre, hearing her talk about how amazing the last three weeks were for her while it was hell on earth for Mira. It was making her head throb painfully.

Hyeri beamed proudly, "I felt like it was a really good exper--"

"I'm sorry, but I'm kind of in a rush." Mira blurted out.

Hyeri's smile slipped off her face as she stared at Mira in disbelief, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I'll see you around, Hyeri." Mira muttered before walking away, but before she could get a couple of steps away, Hyeri called out her.

"It’s Hana."

Mira stopped in her steps and turned to stare at her. "What?" She rasped out, her head dizzying in confusion.

She scoffed and raised her voice, catching the attention of people walking by. "I've been in class with you for 2 years and we worked on like 5 projects together and you still don't know my name? It's Hana! Not Hyeri! Are you really that self-absorbed that you can't think about anyone but yourself, Mira?"

Jackson lifted his head at the sound of a familiar name and the sudden commotion surrounding her. Jaebum noticed the way Jackson's footsteps slowed down and saw a crowd gathering around Mira and some other girl. Frowning, Jackson walked closer, yet stayed far enough out of her radar and watched as people pulled out their phones.

"Hana?" Mira's voice cracked. Jackson felt his stomach churn when he saw how dazed she looked. It was the first time he had seen her since she left for the train. Her voice sounded small and broken. Her eyes were barely focusing on this Hana girl even though she was staring at her and he could see her swaying like she couldn't keep her balance. She looked like she was about to pass out.

"My name is Hana or are you too stuck up to remember that?"

Mira blinked at her and everyone held their breath, waiting for her reaction but she just nodded, "Hana. Right. I'm sorry about that. I should've remembered. That's my fault."

Everyone fell into a stunned silence as Mira bowed before turning. She lifted her head and her eyes locked with Jackson's for half a second and he swore she punched the air out of his lungs with that look but she was already walking away. Everyone put their phones away when they realized they weren't getting a brawl and even Hana looked a bit disappointed before everyone scattered.

And that was the last time he saw her that day.

\-----

The first week of school hadn't been any better for the both of them.

Jackson shut the door behind him and winced when he heard the loud crash in the office he just exited. His coach wasn't too pleased that he was leaving the team right before the nationals, therefore taking the university out of the singles competition.

He leaned his back against the door before closing his eyes. It was cowardly but he was glad that he didn't have to be there at the team meeting this evening when the coach would have to break the news to everyone else.

And he was moving into his new apartment.

Admittedly, Jaebum accepted the decision a lot faster than he was prepared for. 

But he'd figure it out after the news breaks.

He rolled his neck before slowly opening his eyes just to catch Mira walking down the hall in his direction. His heart wretched in longing, he hadn't seen her the whole week. He couldn't tell if she was dodging him on purpose or if they were never meant to cross paths. They even had a class together but he was positive she had just skipped class.

He licked his lips, a desperate whine growing in his throat. His heart unwound as he stepped towards her but he stopped when he saw her face. Her eyes were vacant and her face looked like it was in a constant daze. She lifted her head and their eyes locked together, he saw her face change, her eyes softening before she quickly averted her gaze.

No. 

He wanted to scream.

No. Come back.

I miss you.

I need you.

Fuck.

\-----

Mira slouched in her seat and waited for class to start. She chose to skip out on the first day and she knew she couldn't afford to do it twice.

She stiffened and watched as Jaebum strolled into the lecture hall. "Fuck." She hissed before looking away. It was much to her surprise that he didn't sit right next to her just to suffocate her. Instead, he stopped at her row and stared down at it before walking up three more rows.

But before she could over think, the professor walked into the room, closing the door after her. "Alright, class. We have a lot to cover so let's jump into it, shall we?"

Mira let out a breath, relieved at the distraction until a bigger one burst through her door.

"Sorry! Sorry!"

Mira stared in shock as Jackson panted out of breath, "Sorry I'm late."

"It's fine, Mr. Wang. Take a seat we're just getting started." The professor said with a smile.

Jackson nodded and took the stairs up the side of the rows until he spotted her Mira sitting at the end of hers. He nearly tripped over his feet before composing himself and sitting in her row, but on the opposite end.

She frowned to herself. why wasn't he sitting with Jaebum? Was his shoulder still in pain? Did he get the surgery? Was he still on the swim tea--

"Today we're going to discuss Hobbes' theory of selfishness. The belief that everything in human nature is self-serving." The lecturer began.

Mira's fingers froze over her keyboard. That was Mark's favourite theory. He talked about it all the time. Her body was panicking as it was hit with a tornado of emotions, she wanted to turn her head and look at Jackson to see if he was reacting in the same way.

A student in front of Mira raised his hand, catching the professor's attention, "If everything we do is for our own greed then what about being friends with someone you don't really like?"

"Well, Hobbes would argue that you're being friends with that person because it makes you feel better than if you told that person off or ignored them. It makes you feel like the bigger person."

Another student kicked in, "Well then what about being friends with someone you like?"

"The only reason you have friends is because their presence and companionship make us feel good about ourselves. It's innate selfishness."

Mira froze when she noticed everyone was staring at her. What were they looking at?

The professor cleared her throat, "Ms. Kang, is there a reason you're standing? Do you have something you'd like to share?"

"I--" She looked down and realize that she was, indeed, standing. Her skin started to prick and her hands started to tremble as she looked around the classroom, shaking at the sight of all eyes pinned on her.

It was when she saw Jackson, the only person that was looking at his laptop and not at her, that she snapped out of her daze.

"I-I need to go. Sorry." She stuttered before closing her laptop and running out of the lecture hall, her breathing coming out in scratches with tears pricking the back of her eyes. She was more mature than that, she _didn't_ cry at school. 

No, she cried when no one could see her.

So, she ran home.

\------

So this was how it felt.

This was what it felt like to miss someone.

Because the second she walked into the dining hall, she wanted to turn on her heel and walk out. She never had to worry about sitting alone because Mark had clung onto her like a leech and would go with her everywhere, except when he'd randomly vanish to "see his family" or hang out with Jackson.

Now she was alone for good.

But it wasn't Mark who she missed that very second.

It was the guy sitting across the dining hall pretending like he wasn't watching her from the side of his eye.

Mira didn't know how she woke up the next morning and made it to school because it felt like people were looking at her strangely after her outburst in class. She wasn't the type to be disruptive or run out and she had managed to do both in one class. Either way, she kept her head down, bought her lunch and sat at an empty table with her earphones in.

The whole situation was miserable.

Jackson was about to head to the library when he saw Mira walk into the dining hall. He rarely ever saw her eat lunch here and it stunned him. He tried not to stare at her but it was hard to focus on anything else when it was like every motion was amplified in his sight. It wasn't until she sat down that he got a good look at her.

He wondered if she was skipping meals. Her face looked paler and sicklier, her cheeks were sunken in and she looked thinner. Did she even sleep? Because even with her makeup on, she looked tired and uninterested.

It would be so easy for him to just get up and walk over to her and sit down.

But that was hard.

Because she didn't want his help as much as he needed hers.

So he just pretended not to see her while Jaebum stared at him from across the dining hall with the rest of the swim team.

\-----

It was a month of the two of them functioning like zombies.

They did and said what they needed to but never pushed themselves. Mira looked like death was eating her every moment and Jackson looked so fake that it was like all his expressions were made of plastic.

Today was nationals.

The team had left to go to the pool that was hosting the event and by now everyone must've found out that he wasn't competing and wasn't on the team either. It wasn't as dramatic as he envisioned, his teammates had written him off, pretending like they didn't know him. He hadn't told anyone about his injury so to them, he had just left them hanging when they needed him the most.

But it didn't make him feel any better. He still found himself missing the way they'd all cheer and make a commotion on the bus, pumped up with confidence and once they won, they'd drive home exhausted from the night of celebrating.

He just felt like a husk now.

He walked down the halls with his hood pulled over his hair and his eyes pointed down when he heard a commotion coming up in front of him. He looked up and slowed his pace when he noticed a small crowd of people standing in front of a bulletin board.

"There has to be a mistake right?"

"There's no way she's not on here."

"Maybe she's been on it so much that they just gave her another status."

"Maybe there's another list for the top percentile."

"It could be a typo."

"I can't believe Mira isn't on the Dean's List."

Jackson blinked in surprise. Kang Mira has been on the Dean List probably since before she got admitted into this university.

Was she slipping?

He'd seen her in class, she always seemed attentive and he'd see her hand in assignments and papers. What the hell was going on with her?

\-----

Mira had her hands shoved into her pockets as she walked across campus. Everyone was dressed in grey, cheering on the school's swim team that was competing in the nationals today.

Go Wolves.

It was a bit pre-mature but all her thoughts were pinned on Jackson. She wondered if he was competing one last time with his injured shoulder before getting the surgery or if he already got it. He hadn't missed a class so she wondered if he was taking time recuperating or not.

She was headed to the library when she heard it.

"I can't believe Jackson quit the swim team."

"I heard it was because he got into a fight with Jaebum."

"Really? I thought it was because he got kicked off the team."

Mira chewed on the inside of her cheek as she trailed over to the library. She took the same seat she always would, the one where Mark would sit across from her.

But instead, there was a freshman pouring over a Calculus I textbook.

She wondered how Jackson was holding up. He loved swim team, was he really so cavalier about leaving? Did that mean he got the surgery after all? She let out a shaky sigh that morphed into a groan. She was going to go insane.

"Excuse me?"

She lifted her head and her eyes widened when Mark stared at her from across the table. "M-Mar--"

"Do you mind keeping it down? I'm trying to study."

Mira squeezed her eyes shut before opening them again only to find the freshman girl staring at her and Mark nowhere to be found. It was all in her head after all, it felt like everything was.

"Sorry." Mira whispered before standing up and running out.

\-----

Mira laid in bed that night unable to fall asleep.

This would be normal except this was the first time she couldn't sleep even after taking her pills. She was wide awake, staring at her ceiling with her blankets strewn messily across her body. It was like someone shot caffeine into her bloodstream and she was wired.

It was suffocating and scary.

It felt like her mind was moving at the speed of light but her body was trying to shut down because of the pills. It was like someone else had taken over her body but her mind was still hers.

With much struggle, she rolled over to her side and tucked her arm under her head and lifted her phone. She scrolled through her contacts, none of them of people whom she actually cared for or would want to talk to.

None of whom she'd feel comfortable enough with to lose all her inhibitions.

With one exception.

Her thumb hovered over his name like it did many times before, but this time, she pressed down and waiting for the line to ring, her heart pounding at a terrifyingly fast pace in comparison to how her limbs had slowed down.

It was 3 AM, there was no way he'd still be awake.

The call will go unanswered and she could at least say that she tri--

"Hello?"

She curled her legs sluggishly into her chest and pressed her face against her knees. "Jackson?"

He groaned in response and she could hear the bed squeak as he sat up."Mira? Shit. What time is it?" He asked groggily, barely putting together what was happening.

"I don't know." She gasped out through her sudden choked up tears. His voice was so soothing and warm and _fuck_ it was such a stark difference to the ear splitting sound of everyone else's. It was so smooth and rich that it was already putting her in a trance.

He took a sharp breath as if he was slapped awake. "Why are you crying? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

She fell silent and just closed her eyes, frying the last ends of Jackson's sanity.

"M-Mira. please." He breathed out. "It's been _a fucking month_ and I'm going out of my mind missing you. Please. _Please._ Talk to me. Say anything. Cuss me out. Jus--"

"Can you come over?" She asked tiredly.

He felt his heart seize up, "W-what? Did-did someone break in? Are--"

"No. god. please." She said on the brink of sobbing. "I can't sleep but I'm so _fucking_ tired. I need you."

"Five minutes." He growled into his phone. "Give me five minutes. I'll be there."

He hung up first and Mira was already sobbing in relief, tears pooling in her eyes before they slipped down her face and for the first time since she entered her apartment she felt the cement knot in her heart start to unwind.

Her limbs felt like they were made of lead as she wiped her face and forced her body out of her sheets and to the door, so she could wait for him to come. It felt like her gaze was blurring but she made it to the front and leaned against the frame.

It was exactly 5 minutes when a lazy knock rapped against the door.

She didn't hesitate to open the door and found him standing there with his hood pulled over his head and his eyes puffy with fatigue.

Mira took in his features and felt guilt crush her heart, "Oh god I'm so sorry." She muttered.

Jackson just stared at her as if he was seeing her for the first time and let out a small breath. He reached out and cupped her face, his thumbs brushing under her eye bags before stepping towards her and leaning down to kiss her, pressing his lips gently against her while stroking the discolouration under her eyes.

He was so soft.

Her eyes widen and tears start to form before she closed her eyes and tilted her head up to kiss him back, her body vibrating violently at the slow, languid, lazy love.

He pulled away and barely had his eyes open. "Get in bed." He mumbled while stepped in and closing the door behind him. She gulped and watched him kick his shoes off before turning and padding over to her bedroom. She crawled under the covers and waited for him to walk in.

He stepped his and she saw his eyes land on the dream catcher hanging over her head. His face relayed no emotion as he pulled his sweater off and slid in after her. He was too tired to properly think and just gathered her into his arms before letting his eyes fall shut. It was a miracle he had driven to her apartment without falling asleep at the wheel.

"I'm sorry I dragged you here." She mumbled into his shirt.

He grunted, "I love you." He said again, tired.

"W-wh--"

His words slurred tiredly, "That's all you need you know right now. Just close your eyes and go to sleep. I'll be here."

"I took my pills but…I don't know if I'll stay asleep for long." She warned.

"Then wake me up." He grumbled with his eyes still shut. "I'll be awake with you, you can tell me about your day. I missed you, I would pull an all nighter to hear you talk about the stupidest shit."

She gulped and slowly curled her fingers into his shirt, "Did you get the surgery?"

She felt his lips quirk up and felt her heart leap into her throat, "Fuck, I love you so much."

Her eyes widened as he kissed the side of her head before falling asleep, his arms draping limply across her body.

\-----

When Mira woke up the next morning she noticed two things:

1) She didn't know when, but she had eventually fallen asleep that night and managed to wake in time for class.

2) Jackson was gone.

It was a crushing feeling, but she pushed it away. He could've left for any reason, he probably had a class that morning and would need to head back to his place to get his things and shower. Or he could've just woken up and realized that she was so out of it from the pills that it would be better to let her sleep while he went back home.

But it was still the first time she wasn't the one sneaking off.

The possibilities were vast but that didn't mean she wasn't left with a bitter taste in her mouth and she even had to humour the idea that maybe she had dreamt it all, but spotting his sweater tossed on her chair was the only reassurance she had.

She stood up and walked over to it before picking it up and holding it to her nose. Her lips lifted for the first time. She sat down on the chair as stared at the grey fabric. He loved her. He wasn't annoyed with her. She wasn't sure how long it would last but it still made her feel good. Feel human.

She pressed the fabric to her lips and closed her eyes.

Could she really do this?

She stood up and dropped his sweater before heading to the shower to clear her head.

\-----

Maybe he was going insane.

But maybe he wanted to.

Because no matter what Jackson put on or how long he stood in the shower, he could catch Mira's scent floating around him like a cloud reminding him that there really was someone in his world like her. He remembered sitting on the edge of his bed after his shower, reeling in shock that last night had actually happened.

That she had actually reached out to him first, needing him. That she asked him to come, that she let him hold her, that she let him say I love you to her without questioning it or firing back a snarky deflection.

It was unreal.

But that wasn't what clung to him.

She asked about his surgery, the first person aside from his mom and it made him wonder how hard it was for her, alone with no one asking how she was doing. If she was okay. That someone fucking cared about her so much.

He didn't want to push her. He didn't want to invade her space because he knew how lucky he was to even get that call if he made her uncomfortable it would take her a second to switch and slam shut with steel locks.

That's why he left before she woke up. He didn't want her freaking out at the sight of him in her space the next morning. In one of the only places that she felt the safest and the most honest. Last night was a moment of weakness for her and he couldn't tell how she'd react in the morning and didn't want to provoke her.

Jackson felt his phone buzz and pulled it out, surprised to see a text from Jaebum.

**To: Jackson**

**We won.**

**From: JB**

Jackson knit his brows, wondering why he felt the need to tell him the news personally. Last he checked, Jaebum didn't want to acknowledge that he existed. If it was to rub it in his face, Jackson would've found the news out anyways when it was blasted across campus. What was the point of this?

Before he could reply to it, another text came in.

**To: Jackson**

**I was a jerk. I'm sorry.**

**Go for it.**

**From: JB**

That only confused Jackson more as he crossed the street while staring at his phone. Go for what? Jaebum apologizing? What the hell was going on?

It wasn't until he made it onto campus that he realized was Jaebum meant when he said _go for it_. Because he was forced to stop in his steps when he spotted someone walked across the field. His eyes widened and his hand dropped to his side.

It was Mira.

Wearing his sweater that he had left at her place.

He had never longed for anyone more.

Fuck you, Kang Mira.

She ruined Jackson in the most irreparable way. 

But ruins are what historians would piece together to build up the past of something that was once beautiful.

And she ruined him after carving herself into his skin and that in and of itself was so damn beautiful. 


	19. Chapter 19

Mira stared at her phone before thumbing out a text just as her professor started to wrap up.

**To: Yi En**

**I miss you.**

**From: Mira**

She hit send before scrolling through the conversation. She was talking to herself, parroting back parts of her day or funny stories but getting no reply because the person on the other end didn't exist anymore.

Putting her phone away, she waited until the class was dismissed before shoving her things in her bag. She thought that wearing Jackson's sweater to class would make her feel better about being left alone in the morning but it did the opposite. The smell made her nauseous and bitter because she knew she wouldn't be able to get the scent of him out of her mind when she managed to return it to him.

Then she'd have to go back to living like the month before she called Jackson over. She'd have to be miserable and lethargic. The mere idea exhausted her. She wanted to feel the same way she felt when Jackson kissed her at her door. Happiness? No. She felt safe. Like it would somehow all work itself out. She should've said something to him last night. Just something to let him know that she wanted him to stay.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she lifted her bag over her shoulder and wanted to get back to her apartment as fast as she could to change into something else until her phone buzzed. Frustrated, she pulled her phone out, prepared to ignore the person and put it on silent when she saw the name of the sender.

**Yi En sent you a message**

"No way." Her voice shook as she stepped into the corner of the classroom. She opened it up and held her breath. 

**To: Mira**

**Hey, I'm the new owner of this number. I just got it today. Thought I should let you know, I don't think that last text was meant for me.**

She knew it would happen.

It was eventual.

His phone was the police's property, once it wasn't to their use anymore, they'd dispose of it.

She just didn't think it'd hit her like this. She knelt down and ignored the inquisitive stares of the students who passed by her and just hugged her knees. She stared at her phone before typing out another message.

**To:**

**Sorry about that. Won't happen again.**

She didn't cry as much as she used to.

Maybe she was just emptied out or maybe the shock numbed her. Instead, she stood up, cleared her throat and walked out the door as if nothing affected her.

But then she saw him.

Leaning against a pillar with closed eyes with his head leaned back.

She could walk away.

He didn't see her.

She could make it back to her apartment without him even realizing it.

"Jackson."

His eyes snapped open at the soft prompt and felt his heart melt at the sight of her. "H-Hey."

"What are you doing here?" She muttered, pretending not to notice the people walking past them, slowing down to try to get a listen in on what the unlikely pair of them could possibly be talking about.

She wanted to laugh.

If only they knew.

He scratched the back of his neck, "I was just waiting for a friend."

"Oh." Humiliation crawled up her face when she saw his eyes dart down to what she was wearing and she had expected a snarky comment but he said nothing.

He nodded, "So I guess I'll see you arou--"

"I love you." She blurted out.

Jackson froze and for a second, thought he had heard wrong,"W-What are you tal--"

"I-I think I love you or…or maybe I don't. Maybe I'm just really attached to you. Maybe I just care about you a lot more than I would a friend. Maybe I really fucking like you. I don't know yet. I think I could love you, though. I just…I just know that things are so much better when you're around. That it's half as bearable and I just want you to be around more." She caught her breath before meeting his eyes, "So…yeah. I mean--I guess…yeah. That's all I wanted to say. So I'll--I'm--I'll go." She stuttered, heat rushing to her face as she spun on her heel and tried to walk away.

"Wait." He barked before running after her. He pulled on her arm so that she'd stop speed walking away from him."Give me a fucking second to digest this. You can't tell me that you might love me and want me to be with you and basically tell me what I've been fantasizing about hearing you say to me for the last 2 months before just walking away. Okay?"

"I--uh….okay."

He cupped her face and pressed his nose against hers and smiled incredulously at her, "Tell me exactly what you want from me. Just tell me. I'll fucking give you everything you want."

She gripped her cold hand around his wrist and closed her eyes, basking in his warmth and the scent that she was prepared to force herself to forget. "I just want you to be here. I want you around me. I want you to hold my stupid hand and say stupid lovely nonsense to me. I want you to date me."

He was absolutely shaking, "Do you want me to kiss you?"

"Yes."

Jackson wasn't one to cry but he was damn well near tears when he finally got to taste her. It was completely different than any other time he kissed her. It was all these little hidden secrets, tucked under her tongue that rolled into his mouth.

She was a different person every time he kissed her.

And he loved every single version of her.

\-----

Mira proved to be a lot of firsts for Jackson.

It was strange for him to wake up to the same face, the same smile, the same scent of her on his skin even after he showered, the same feeling when he touched her skin or kissed her lips, but good strange.

 _She_ was good strange.

It was hard at first, being comfortable with each other, feeling out their boundaries and figuring out how to go from estranged to dating. It took a lot of mistakes and blindly reaching out in hopes of feeling the right thing but they made it work. They had to tread carefully, more than a regular couple because the only way to walk through a minefield was on your tippy toes.

It resulted in a lot of awkward silences and hesitant advances but they passed by the rough patches with time and a lot of understanding that they still had flaws that weren't fixed. But it wasn't just figuring out their own personal situation that was hard, it was seeing other people react to news of their relationship, having something they barely understood being public knowledge among their peers.

There were rumours that she was the reason he quit swimming and he was the reason her grades went from a 4.0 to a 3.2. It was a lot of spiteful hate that swirled around and it was hard but they learned how to block it out.

After scraping off the rough edges and finally settling into a relationship that worked for both of them, a new liveliness burned in them.

"You look really pretty today." He murmured as he kept her pinned against the wall, tucked in the most abandoned part of the campus. It had been a few days since he'd seen her, the pair of them buried in essays and exams. Seeing her know was a breath of fresh air had ever needed one, his eyes lidded as he bore into hers. "I saw you across campus this morning and holy fuck you looked beautiful then, you look gorgeous up close."

Mira's body started to run warm as she stared up at him. He always made her feel like her blood was on fire just by standing next to her, "So do you."

He chuckled before leaning against her, "Can I kiss my girlfriend?"

"Please do." She said before tilting her head up.

But Jackson just nodded and patted her on the head before turning away, "Okay great, I'll go find her."

"Hey!" She exclaimed before reaching out and grabbing Jackson by his jacket and yanking him back forcefully towards her. Jackson didn't put up much of a fight and just laughed before letting her pull him back to her body.

His arms shot out and braced against the wall next to her head before nudging his forehead with hers, "Yea?"

"You have _one_ girlfriend, got it?" She growled playfully against his mouth.

He smirked and bit down on his lip, "Prove it, baby."

"Gladly." She whispered before placing his hands on his shoulders and jumping up so that her legs could wrap around his waist. Jackson's head tilted back with a cheeky laugh as he took her in.

"My girlfriend is a stunner." He breathed out in awe. "I missed her."

She raised her brow challengingly, "Really? Maybe you should go find her."

"No, I like this girlfriend more." He rumbled while squeezing her thighs.

She scrunched her nose up, before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close, "Are you coming over tonight?"

"My first night off with no deadlines? Fuck yeah, I'm coming over." He scoffed as he tried to lean forward for a kiss.

But Mira leaned back just far enough that his couldn't reach, "Are you sure? You might be tired, maybe it's best if you take a rest at your place instead."

"You're evil." He muttered when he saw the mischievous glint in her eyes. "Pure, beautiful, sexy evil."

She giggled and his cheeks tinged with a soft blush, his entire body felt giddy just by her bubbly glow before she finally leaned down to kiss him gently. It was so calming, the sound of the rain pattering against the window of the building and complete silence other than their breathing. She pulled away slightly so their noses were still touching and stared at him tenderly, her fingers coming up to touch his cheek in an act of adoration.

"I want you to meet my mom."

Mira froze, her entire body turning rigid before pulling away to gape at him, "Are you being serious?"

"Yes." He whispered while staring at her. He saw the panic fill her eyes. "Just dinner. Nothing serious. I just…this is real, Mira and I know you're waiting for it to be a joke but it's not. You mean something to me. So…please?"

**1 Month Later**

"So, she's your girlfriend." Jackson's mom quipped as the both of them carried empty dishes to the kitchen, leaving Mira in the dining room.

Jackson didn't know why he was chewing the inside of his cheek nervously, "Why do you keep saying that? Yeah, she's my girlfriend. What's wrong?"

"Oh cut me some slack, Jackson. This is your first actual girlfriend since you were in elementary. Allow me to be surprised. I still have to take it all in." His mother said with a laugh.

Jackson shifted uncomfortably on his heels. He was at total ease the entire evening but suddenly, standing in the kitchen with her, he was starting to sweat. She set the dishes down in the sink and peeked at Mira through the door. "Do you like her?"

"She's really pretty, but I'm not surprised." She said with a grin.

Jackson's frown grew, "That's not what I meant."

"I'll be honest, I didn't think she was your type." She stated harmlessly.

Jackson pursed his lips, "What's my type?"

"Someone that I wouldn't be able to stand." She snorted, causing him to relax.

"So you like her?"

She nodded while drying her hands, "She's very fidgety, though, you clearly scared her about meeting me, I don't know what you told her to expect. Otherwise, I like her. She seems…lasting."

"That's the goal." He mumbled while looking away.

She smiled, "That's why I like her. Because she's someone who makes you want to have something lasting...and she shuts you up so quickly."

\-----

"You literally haven't changed from when I first met you to when you were a teenager." Mira snickered as she walked around Jackson's 18 year old room as he walked behind her.

She slowed down in front of a picture of Jackson as a kid, standing in front of a pool with a medal around his neck. Her silence caught his attention and he looked over to see what had caught hers.

He sighed, "I'm fine. You know that. You were there after my surgery. I'm okay now. I can live without swimming."

She kept her gaze on the picture and murmured a soft, "I know."

Jackson's arm came around her waist and her shoulders sagged when she felt his chest against her back. He rested his chin on her shoulder, "At least I can say that I went out on a high note."

She laughed breathily before turning to face him. "You make me happy."

He blinked in surprise and smiled before cupping her cheek, "So do you. So much that you don't know."

She grinned and leaned up to kiss him quickly before shoving him aside to walk to his bed where she sat on the edge.

"You know, I've always wanted to fuck my girlfriend on my bed. It's a fantasy." He joked as he flopped down onto his bed on his back.

She made a face of disgust before punching him in his chest, "You ass, your mom is downstairs and I'm trying my hardest to make a good impression. Can you be normal for the first time in your life?"

"My mom loves you. Relax." He snorted.

She frowned, "So? That could change if she walks in and finds the both of us naked."

"Fair enough." He snickered.

She rolled her eyes, "I don't see how you could be so relaxed. You care about her opinion so much, what are you going to do if she doesn't like me?"

Jackson's face softened and his eyes warmed as he stared at her fondly. Mira frowned at the change in expression before scooting closer to him, "What?"

"Nothing. It's just that…two months ago you couldn't care less about the impression you left on anyone." He said while palming her knee. "It means a lot, you know."

She rolled her eyes and played with his hair, "It's only because I love you. You wouldn't get this special treatment if I didn’t."

Jackson's smile started to fade and his eyes widened as he sat up to gape at her, "You…you just said that you love me." 

"Oh." She said in surprise with wide eyes. She blinked rapidly before looking at him, she had never used those specific words with him since they started dating. He said it a lot but she never said it back, "I guess I did."

Jackson gulped, trying to mask the panic and the pounding of his heart, "W-Well, did you mean it?"

"I-I wel--I mean--how--I-" She let out a stunned breath, "Yeah. Yeah, I do." She licked her lips before clearing her throat, "I love you."

Jackson just continued to stare at her, panting even though he hadn't moved, "You love me."

"Umm…yeah." She said as her face heated up. "I love you."

Mira barely got the words out when Jackson cupped her cheeks and pushed her down on the bed, climbing over her. "You're killing me, baby girl." He muttered before kissing her.

She smiled against his mouth, shivers running through her body as she looped her arms around his neck. It was like he popped her heart like a water balloon and now warmth was spilling down her chest and through her ribs. Her body started to tremble as she groaned into his mouth.

She loved him so much. He made her so happy and managed to dig her out of her own head and brought her above ground where she could breathe for once.

Her heart felt so full.

\-----

Mira thought it would get easier and maybe in a sense it did, but she had her moments.

She always had her moments.

Jackson woke up with a start. His eyes shot open and he laid in bed, wondering what woke him up at 3AM. He sat up, pinching the bridge of his nose until he noticed the bathroom light on. Frowning, he stood up and pushed the door open.

His heart crushed when he found Mira curled up in a ball in the bathtub with her eyes screwed tight and sweat forming on her forehead. "Hey, baby girl." He whispered before climbing into the tub next to her, pulling her into his arms.

"It's okay." He whispered softly while rocking her back and forth. This wasn't surprising to him. He was used to it. Once or twice a month he'd find Mira having a panic attack somewhere in her apartment and always in the middle of the night. His body was so attuned to her that he'd feel discomfort if she wasn't next to him.

But he wasn't any better. He'd have those days when Mira would find him just spacing out and even calling his name wouldn't snap him out of it. She had to touch his shoulder before he'd nearly leap out of his seat and come back down to earth.

Mark still hung over their heads like a ghost.

"Bad dream?" He murmured against her hair while her fingers curled into his shirt.

She nodded weakly, her eyes still bleary from her medication, "You didn't have to wake up."

"Yeah well." He started with a slow smile, "I can't sleep without you, so sue me."

A small smile twitched up her lips and a weight lifted, "About Mark?" He prodded.

Mira's smile fell and she closed her eyes as she rested her head against his neck, "Yeah."

He contemplated asking her about it, wanting to know what scared her that much, but he left it. Mira still needed the privacy of her mind and there were just some things that she had to keep to herself and deal with on her own.

"When are you seeing your therapist next?" He asked while trailing his fingers up and down her bare arm.

She hummed in thought, "Thursday after class."

"Do you want me to drive you?" He offered softly.

She gulped while opening her eyes to look over at him, "You're not busy?"

"I'm supposed to coach the newbies, but I can take 20 minutes to drive you to therapy and back. I won't get fired." He said with a scoff.

Mira sighed when she felt Jackson kiss the side of her head, "Do you still think about him?"

"Every day." He said quietly, rocking them both back and forth. "Every damn day."

Mira closed her eyes as the drowsiness from her pills started to take over, "I love you so much."

Jackson kissed the side of her head twice before standing up and lifting her in his arms, "I love you too, idiot."

\-----

"How are things going with Jackson?"

Mira tried to fight back her smile but her therapist caught it anyways, "You can smile, Mira. There's nothing wrong with smiling when you're talking about something that makes you happy."

Her lips slowly split wide as her ears turned red, "Things are good. Really good. He makes me so happy and I know what you said about making happiness on my own. Jackson isn't the only thing in my life that makes me happy but he's one of the things. I feel like I don't have to justify anything to him. He understands that I am who I am and that I'm not polished around the edges. He only asks when he thinks I'm hurting. It's so…refreshing. I don't feel guilty about having bad days. But we're not perfect. We fight sometimes or snap at each other."

"Fighting is normal for couples." Her therapist prompted.

She nodded, "Sometimes I think back to the days when we'd fight and I find myself smiling and when he'd ask me why I was smiling I'd feel so stupid." She laughed, "It's just, the fact that we fought and were at our worst, but made up without any lasting damage makes me happy. Makes me feel strong. I want Jackson around me for a really long time."

"You know, you told me, when we first started these sessions, that you were cautious around your boyfriend. That you didn't want to rely that much on him in case he ever left you. You were worried it would affect you too much if he did. You had that fear that he might leave. Did that change?

"Does it sound like it did?" Mira asked with knit brows.

Her therapist just smiled softly, "I don't know, that's why I'm asking you."

"Well, I guess it's still a possibility. Nothing in life is for certain, a flowing river that we can't step in the same place twice and all but ever since I told him that I love him, I have this weird trust with him. That I can rely on him to be there and I don't have to worry that one day he just won't. I guess that's not smart." She said with a frown.

Her therapist looked at her, "Why do you say that?"

"I guess the second I start thinking that he won't leave, I start taking my guards down and then when he does leave, it'll be just as harsh as I first feared it would be." She started chewing on her lip and her therapist sighed before closing their notebook.

"Sometimes it's okay for us to be a little reckless. If we spend our whole lives wrapping ourselves up with bubble wrap to avoid getting hurt, you won't enjoy life and its experiences. Risking getting hurt isn't that bad if it's worth it and by the way you make it sound, Jackson is worth it. And he's proved not to be a flight risk, hasn't he?"

Mira laughed, "Yeah, I'm the flight risk in the relationship."

"And he hasn't backed away from you all this time. Why? Because the risk of you leaving him one day and the pain he'll feel if you do is worth the time he gets to spend with you every day. Both of you went through a lot with Mark. Being untrusting with relationships is a natural instinct for two people who lost a friend the way you two did, but despite that, you two found something genuine to trust. I think that's what you should be focusing on. Not the fallout, but what you two have overcome." The therapist said. "Most people in your cases would've self-destructed, cutting ties, burning bridges, unable to trust anyone. Look at you two now. You're going to graduate soon and move in together."

"Do you think…do you think I could get married one day?" Mira asked softly.

Her therapist looked surprised, Mira was a creature of the past and present, she rarely spoke of the uncertain or hypothetical future, "It depends, do you want to get married?"

"I would like it to be an option."

Her therapist smiled, "Then yes, there is nothing stopping you from getting married."

"Not even myself?" She mumbled while playing with her fingers.

Her therapist grinned wider, "I don't think Jackson would let that happen."

\-----

Mira walked out the door of her therapist's office and froze as she stared at the crowd walking down the sidewalk that was empty when she had entered the office an hour ago.

A sharp ringing echoed in her ear as she stared at everything moving in front of her. She felt so disassociated from it all. Her heart dropped and her body started feeling like it was constricting. She struggled to breathe as she started to sway. Mark would never be part of a crowd like this. Neither would Lena. They didn't exist in a world this hectic and noisy. Her lungs felt like they were constricting and her breathing wa--

"Mira!"

She jolted, a loud gasp escaping her lips as Jackson jogged over to her, "Didn't you hear me calling your name?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, sorry. I was distracted looking at all the people. What's going on?" She lied while facing the throngs of people.

He knit his brows, "Some sort of festival or parade I think. I saw it on the news. How did your session go?"

"Good." She said before smiling at him. Her arm wound around his waist and she leaned against him as they walked to his car. When he looked away Mira's smile weakened and her fingers unconsciously dug into his side. It was still so hard sometimes to feel normal. Like there wasn't something fundamentally wrong with her or the way she was wired.

But for the first time in her life, things were changing. Change existed in her sphere.

And she wasn't going to give up.

She didn't need a clean slate to feel better or happier. She didn't need to restart her life and erase everything in her past. She just had to pick the pieces up and build a stronger foundation and then build up from there.

Fuck philosophy.

She'd just make her own to live by.

_I guess Mark had it figured it out all along._


	20. Chapter 20

_"Alright, I'll see you at the exam. I'll probably be there an hour early so find me, okay?" Mira said as they walked to the front door._

_Mark stayed silent as he shoved his feet into his shoes and heaved his bag over his shoulder. Instead of leaving right away, he turned and stared at Mira, making her shift uncomfortably._

_"Why are you being so weird?" She asked with a laugh._

_Mark just pursed his lips and reached out to wrap his arms around Mira, tucking her against his chest in a hug. Her eyes were wide and her entire body frozen when he tightened his grip. Mark wasn't one to get overly physical and he probably never hugged her in the 3 years she knew him._

_Taken aback by his sudden gesture, Mira stayed immobile before slowly wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him back, "Are you really that worried about the exam? I thought you didn't care about grades." She teased awkwardly._

_Mark laughed breathily into her neck, tickling her before closing his eyes and hugging her tightly. After a beat, he slowly unwound his arms and cupped the sides of her face before knocking their foreheads together before stepping back._

_"What is up with you?" She asked light-heartedly, knocking her fist against his forehead._

_He shook his head with a smile that at the time, she didn't see the sadness laced between his lips._

_"I'll see you around, Daisy. Don't forget me."_

\-----

_"Oh hey. What are you doing here?" Jackson said as he pulled his goggles off of his head and tossed them aside._

_He rested his arms against the edge of the pool and looked up at Mark who was standing at the end of the lane, waiting for him. "Just thought I'd stop by before heading out. Wanted to wish you good luck, qualifiers are this week right?"_

_"Yeah!" Jackson said with a huge grin, "Feeling good about it, too."_

_Mark nodded and crouched down so that he was levelled with Jackson, "Are you going to keep practicing until you're the fastest man on earth?"_

_"That's the goal." Jackson joked, flicking water at Mark, making him scrunch his nose up._

_"And what if you're not?"_

_Jackson made a face at him, "What do you mean?"_

_"What if you're not the fastest? What if you're not the best? Then what are you?" Mark asked softly._

_Jackson's face fell as he stared back at his friend, "I don't know. Nothing I guess but hey, at least I'll still have you, right?"_

_Mark smiled and Jackson caught the heaviness behind it as Mark leaned back, "Yeah, you need her more than I do."_

_"Huh?" Jackson said while knitting his brows in confused. Mark just continued to smile before holding his fist out for Jackson to bump._

_"I'll see you around, Poseidon. Don't forget me."_

_Jackson laughed and pushed his feet off the end of the pool so that he shot backwards. Mark started walking away when Jackson's loud, boisterous voice bounced off the walls, making him smile._

_"No one ever forgets a person like you, Mark."_

\-----

"Excuse me?"

Mira kept walking down the hallways, her earphones shoved in her ears, music blasting, oblivious to the soft, nervous voice calling out to her until she felt something tap her on the shoulder.

Pulling her earphones out, Mira turned with an annoyed frown to see a girl staring up at her with sweat beading at the sides of her forehead as she panted, "Sorry, uh, I was wondering if you knew where Philosophy 480 was being held."

"It's the second month of classes." Mira said, staring at the girl blankly.

She smiled sheepishly, "I know. I was on the waitlist and I talked to the prof and he said he'd add me if I was willing to catch up."

"Down the hall, to the left." Mira said before putting her earphones back in.

The girl's smile faltered but she just nodded and scurried off. Mira paused and watched the girl run down the hall before calling out to her.

"Hey."

The girl nearly tripped over her feet to turn and face her. "Y-Yeah?"

Mira's lips twitched up in amusement, "I'm actually heading to that class right now. Do you want to walk together?"

"R-Really?" She asked while rocking side to side.

Mira shrugged and walked towards her, "Yeah I mean, why not?"

"Thanks." The girl mumbled bashfully as they started to walk. It was awkward at first but Mira managed to choke out a question and the girl, Jihya, started talking brightly and for once, Mira wasn't annoyed by it. She actually enjoyed the excitement that bubbled in the girl, it felt genuine.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jihya worded out carefully.

Mira glanced at her from the side of her eye before facing forward, "Sure."

"You're Kang Mira, right? The Gol--the girl that's the top of her class?"

Mira felt her body stiffen before she relaxed, "Not anymore. I think I'm like 5th or 6th now."

"Oh really? Wow." Jihya said to herself, "Huh…"

Mira glanced at her again, "What?"

"Nothing." She said quickly before shrinking under Mira's gaze, "Um…you're not as mean as people made you out to be."

Mira blinked at her before smirking and looking away, "No, I'm actually _just_ as mean as people make me out to me. I'm just not being mean to you."

"Why?" She asked in amazement.

She shrugged, "You haven't really given me a reason to."

"Oh." She said quietly before smiling softly to herself, "That's good."

Mira looked over at the girl before smiling and facing forward. They walked in silence until Jackson turned the corner while talking with a friend. Mira's heart skipped but her face stayed blank as he neared. He looked over at her and his eyes widened when he saw her with another girl. His lips parted it awe as glanced at Mira's face, who was playing it off as she got closer.

When she finally looked his way, he raised his brows with a small smile on his face. She rolled her eyes at his exaggerated excitement over her with someone new but smiled nonetheless when he winked at her as they passed by each other.

"This is the room." Mira said as they both stepped into the lecture hall.

Jihya nodded as she took it in, "It's so nice having a friend in a class this big."

Mira blinked at her blankly before realized that _she_ was the friend Jihya was talking about. Mira tilted her head before looking away to hide the smile on her face.

"Yeah, it is."

\-----

"I'm so excited for you."

Mira rolled her eyes when she opened her apartment door and found Jackson lounging on her couch, waiting for her. "Don't be so dramatic about it."

"You have a friend!" He cooed teasingly as she dumped her things on the counter.

She made her way over to the couch and crawled on top of him before laying flat down, her cheek pressed down on his chest. She sighed when he grabbed the blanket that was hanging off the couch and draped it over the both of them.

"Do you like her? Is she nice?" He asked while running his fingers through her hair.

Mira grunted and closed her eyes, far too snuggled up to be bothered with his questions until she felt his chest shake under her. Her brows furrowed before she opened her eyes to look up at him, "What?"

"You try so hard to look casual about it, like you couldn't care less but you're totally smitten, baby girl." He said with a laugh.

Mira snorted and slipped her hands under his shirt, making him jolt as she hugged his waist, "You make it sound like I like her more than I like you."

He snickered and let her roll off his body to sit across from him on the couch. "What's her name?"

"Jihya. She's nice I guess. Really bubbly and cheerful. She uh…she called me her friend so I guess that's a thing now." Mira said awkwardly.

Jackson reached out and brushed his fingers against her cheeks lightly. "You know this means you're going to have to be soft now, right?"

She pouted, "I know."

"You're excited, aren't you?" He said as he leaned towards her.

Mira stood up and walked to her bedroom without replying but she didn't need to. Jackson already caught a glimpse of that smile.

\-----

With every good day, comes 15 bad ones.

That's why you have to appreciate the better days.

Mira was having one of those days, after getting her rough draft torn to shreds by her professor who managed to find problems in her thesis that she didn't even know were considered 'problems.' Then she was late to a meeting with her project group and left her wallet at home and couldn't buy lunch so she was starving. She just wanted to go to sleep in a bed of food for the next 16 hours.

She pushed the front door up and stepped inside her apartment to be welcomed by the most mouth watering smell. For a second she had to pause and make sure it wasn't her hunger making her smell things. Following the scent, she walked into the kitchen and never in her life had she been more turned on.

Jackson was standing in front of the stove in a white t-shirt and jeans, his hair flopping over his eyes as he moved something onto two plates. He turned and his eyes widened before his shoulders deflated, "I thought your class was until 9."

"I left half way. W-What's going on?" She mumbled while looking around the kitchen in disbelief.

He held onto the plates and tilted them to show her, "Work finished early and I found your wallet so I figured you didn't eat the whole day so I thought I'd make dinner."

Her bag slipped through her fingers as she stepped towards him, "You…you made dinner."

"Yeah." He said while staring at her blankly, "Oh, did you already eat with Jihya?"

Mira walked straight towards him, grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him against him in a messy kiss. Jackson moaned in surprise, his hands struggling with the dishes, wanting to drop them to hold her, but instead just tried to keep up. There was no method to the madness, it was just a clash of gasps, moans, tongue and teeth.

When she finally pulled away, leaving Jackson panting, with swollen lips and dazed. Her fingers trailed down the side of his face and rested at his neck, "You're so perfect holy fuck."

Jackson stuttered, "W-Wh--Oh. Uh--thanks?"

She laughed before leaning up and pressing her lips against his. Jackson had to pull away first just to set the plates down but before he could get his hands on her again, she had lifted herself up on the counter and reached for the bottle of beer that was opened next to her dish.

"Will I get this reaction every time I cook for you? Because if it is, I swear to god I'll drop out of school and just become your personal chef." He said while standing in front of her.

She snickered and reached out to brush his hair away, "I just had the worst day and coming home to you looking hot, cooking for me is literally my fantasy come true."

Jackson laughed, the tip of his ears turning red before stepping between her legs, his hands slipping around her lower back. "I'll keep that in mind for next time."

She took a sip of beer before leaning towards him, "Dream come true, literally."

He licked his lips and hummed while tilted his head back a little so that their lips were lingering over each other, "Kiss me to make sure I'm not a dream."

"I don't think I need to make sure." She teased, nudging her nose against his.

He smiled distractedly while looking at her lips, "Humour me, baby. I'm trying to trick you into kissing me."

So yeah, with every good day, you get 15 bad ones and with every 15 bad days, you always get that one _amazing_ one.

\-----

But sometimes, in between the bad days, the good days, the awful days and amazing ones, reality slaps you awake and reminds you that there's more to the world than you.

"Jackson." Mira mumbled tiredly, blindly reaching out to shake awake the body curled up next to hers.

A rumbling groan buzzing down her side and she shivered as Jackson shifted closer to her and slipped his arm around her. She sighed, debating whether or not she should just leave him be but the sound of someone knocking on her front door was unbearable.

"Jackson." She muttered again, jolting his arm until he slowly sat up and rubbed his face.

"What's going on?" He slurred tiredly.

She kept her eyes closed and burrowed under her sheets, "Door."

She heard him scoff, "You suck."

"Love you." She mumbled before falling back asleep.

Jackson pinched the bridge of his nose before stumbling out of her bed and to her door. He didn't bother turning on the lights and just swung the door open. He paused and squinted, his eyes still bleary until he made out the person in front of him.

"Oh, Officer Kim, right?" Jackson said, his back automatically straightening out.

The tall police officer stared at Jackson in surprise, making no comment of his shirtless and dazed nature, "Sorry to be waking you in the middle of the night. The drive here was long and I wanted to talk to you two as soon as possible."

"W-What are you doing here?" He asked, voice still thick with sleep.

He nodded with a polite smile, "I actually stopped by your place but you weren't there. Is Mira home?"

"What's going on?" Mira muttered as she appeared behind Jackson, her eyes darted across Yugyeom's face unsurely.

"I'm actually glad you're both here. I wanted to give you this."

Jackson and Mira stared at Yugyeom's outstretched hands that held a cardboard rectangular box. Jackson took it from him before Mira spoke out, "What is it?"

"Yi En's ashes."

Jackson and Mira stiffened, their bodies freezing up as their eyes shot to the box that suddenly felt ten times heavier.

"B-But I didn't put in the request yet." Mira stuttered as she grabbed tightly onto Jackson's arm.

Yugyeom nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets, "I know, but when they ME released custody on his body, I pulled some strings. It would've taken months if you went through request forms and I figured you guys needed this as soon as possible. You know, closure."

Both of them fell silent before Mira cleared her throat and attempted to smile at him, "T-Thank you."

Jackson was about to close the door, when Yugyeom's hand shot out to stop them, "Um…this is probably crossing the line but, in a way, you guys are lucky. Yi En did you a favour."

"Excuse me?" Jackson balked.

Yugyeom looked away, "Things could've ended a million different ways with Yi En. He could've asked for your help and gotten the two of you mixed up in it all, possibly endangering your lives. He could've called you when he got shot and let you listen to him die. He could've made the last memory of him become your nightmare. But he didn't. I'd like to think he protected you guys."

"I wish he could tell us that himself. But he can't." Mira said curtly, her voice sharp and cold, "He's dead. So thank you for coming and dropping this off. Have a safe drive home."

\-----

You need to remember that there is always an end.

Isn't that our biggest fear?

That when something begins, there will be an inevitable end. Whether you’re alive to witness it or not, there is an end.

The people who live on will indubitably have to move on, but you still stop.

And every time your life starts falling into place again and the pieces are picked up, you'll have that moment when your heart sinks. When you wonder if it's fair that things are working out so well for you while it's ended for someone else.

Mira and Jackson stood next to each other at the Han River in the middle of the night, an hour after Yugyeom left with Mark's urn on the ground beside both their feet and the bullet necklaces hung around both their necks.

Not a word was passed between the two of them as they just stared out at the river. Jackson was leaning against the railing, staring out the red, white, green and blue lights of the city line that were reflecting against the water. Mira was standing straight up with her hands in her pockets, staring straight ahead with unfocused eyes.

She had accepted that Mark and Yi En were both gone. It wasn't the denial that was hitting her, it was the fact that the last physical piece of him was burned up and sealed away, waiting to be scattered.

Sometimes it felt like a façade, the happiness, love, and progress they both felt. Sometimes it didn't feel real. Sometimes it felt like they were just trying to pretend to be high functioning like everything was normal. In comparison to the silence of moments like that very one, it felt like the rest of their lives weren't as real.

Mira cleared her throat and bent to pick up the urn, the cold ceramic, feeling foreign and delicate in her hands as if squeezing it would shatter it into a million pieces. She twisted the top off and stared into it.

It almost felt like a farce.

A man alive for 25 years, who made an impact in the world, who people knew, loved and remembered was twiddled down to ashes that barely made up two handfuls.

Jackson didn't move. He just watched her stare at the urn before leaning it against the railing. Mira slowly began tilting the urn on its side and soon the ashes started to pour out and they were immediately taken away by the gentle breeze that was dancing over the river. 

This is what he wanted.

He wanted to see the world.

He wanted to be everywhere at once.

Yi En was a boy who wanted so much but there was just not enough time in a day for him to have it all.

Yi En was the man who wanted to be a ghost that was never forgotten.

He wanted people chasing after him like children running towards the horizon in search of the end of the rainbow.

It would tire you out, you'd be disappointed, you wouldn't find what you wanted but when you walked home, one thing would be for sure.

The magic would still be there.

Next time you'd run faster.

You would chase the end of the rainbow.

And you'd catch it this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END
> 
> We've finally reached the end of our road trip <33 It was a fun ride and I'm so glad I got to try this new genre out and that you all were the ones who got to share it with me. It means so much
> 
> Thank you so much!
> 
> Much love
> 
> -loviet

**Author's Note:**

> This is Loviet from AFF! This is a crossposting from my work on AFF! You can find me on twitter @Realloviet and on AFF as loviet


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